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1x02 The Official Visit
First Aired: Mar. 03, 1980 on BBC TWO
Summary: The visiting head of an African nation turns out to be an old college pal of Hacker - who promptly sets about trying to offload some British-made oil-rigging gear. Satirical comedy set in the world of Westminster |
Main Characters in this Episode
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| Guest Stars
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Episode Quotes
James Hacker: Humphrey, do you think it's a good idea to issue a statement?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, Minister, in practical terms we have the usual six options. One, do nothing. Two, issue a statement deploring the speech. Three, lodge an official protest. Four, cut off aid. Five, break off diplomatic relations; and six, declare war.
James Hacker: Which should we do?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, if we do nothing we implicitly agree with the speech. Two: if we issue a statement we'll just look foolish. Three: if we lodge a protest it will be ignored. Four: we can't cut off aid because we don't give them any. Five: if we break off diplomatic relations we can't negotiate the oil rig contracts. And six: if we declare war it might just look as though we were over-reacting.
Martin - Foreign Secretary: In the old days we'd have sent in a gunboat.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes.
James Hacker: I suppose that is absolutely out of the question.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, Minister, in practical terms we have the usual six options. One, do nothing. Two, issue a statement deploring the speech. Three, lodge an official protest. Four, cut off aid. Five, break off diplomatic relations; and six, declare war.
James Hacker: Which should we do?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, if we do nothing we implicitly agree with the speech. Two: if we issue a statement we'll just look foolish. Three: if we lodge a protest it will be ignored. Four: we can't cut off aid because we don't give them any. Five: if we break off diplomatic relations we can't negotiate the oil rig contracts. And six: if we declare war it might just look as though we were over-reacting.
Martin - Foreign Secretary: In the old days we'd have sent in a gunboat.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes.
James Hacker: I suppose that is absolutely out of the question.
James Hacker: When am I going to do all this correspondence?
Bernard Woolley: You do realize you don't actually have to, Minister.
James Hacker: Don't I?
Bernard Woolley: Not if you don't want to. We can draft an official reply.
James Hacker: What's an official reply?
Bernard Woolley: It just says "The Minister has asked me to thank you for your letter"; then we say something like "The matter is under consideration", or even, if we feel so inclined, "under active consideration."
James Hacker: What's the difference?
Bernard Woolley: Well, 'under consideration' means we've lost the file; 'under active consideration' means we're trying to find it.
Bernard Woolley: You do realize you don't actually have to, Minister.
James Hacker: Don't I?
Bernard Woolley: Not if you don't want to. We can draft an official reply.
James Hacker: What's an official reply?
Bernard Woolley: It just says "The Minister has asked me to thank you for your letter"; then we say something like "The matter is under consideration", or even, if we feel so inclined, "under active consideration."
James Hacker: What's the difference?
Bernard Woolley: Well, 'under consideration' means we've lost the file; 'under active consideration' means we're trying to find it.
Trivia
- While on the train to Scotland, Jim has all the cabinet flunkeys and the Foreign secretary in his compartment. On the wall over Jim's shoulder is a notice attached to the wall with the instructions in case of fire, fire alarm etc. While the headings are in English, the instructions under each heading are gibberish.
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