Joxer

Xena: Warrior Princess

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Characters: #3 of 13 (Full List)

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Played by:

Ted Raimi

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Joxer Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 20: - Soul Possession Joxer: You know, Xena... Denial ain't just a river in Europe. Xena: The Nile's in Africa. Joxer: It's that long?
	Season 6 / Episode 18: - When Fates Collide Xena: [as Empress of Rome in an altered timeline] Leave us. Joxer: [as a Roman centurion] But Caesar said... Xena: ...to enrage the Empress until she beats the tar out of you? Joxer: I must have missed that one.
	Season 5 / Episode 19: - Looking Death in the Eye Joxer: [about his name] That's spelled with an X... The X is for 'extra super sexy'.
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Eternal Bonds Joxer: Why didn't you love me, Gabrielle? Gabrielle: I do love you. It's just not the way that you want it, I guess. I wish I did.
	Season 5 / Episode 13: - Eternal Bonds Joxer: Why is everybody telling me to think? I think, I just don't show it.
	Season 5 / Episode 11: - Punch Lines Xena: You know, I gotta tell ya, I am feeling a whole lot better. I mean, life's pretty sweet for me right now. I've got no cooking, no cleaning, and back rubs for a month. Gabrielle: Technically, you didn't lose your temper, but Xena, I saw you throwing pies in a less than loving manner. Joxer: Much less. Xena: Oh? Joxer: Uh, uh, loving. Xena: Yep, loving. That's me. [pie hits her in the face] Who threw that pie?
	Season 5 / Episode 2: - Chakram Joxer: I can't have you dying again and not have you know. Gabrielle: Know what? Joxer: Oh. Brother, I had this all worked out in my head and now... Gabrielle: Please, will you hurry? Please. Joxer: I love you. I'm in love with you.
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - The Play's The Thing Gabrielle: What's this? It's... it's blood. You have a head on your stick. These are your changes? Blood? Sex? Joxer: Uh, and a hot tub. I got the guys workin' on it in the back. I thought to myself, 'Joxer, what is it that you like?' And I figured, 'That's what the public wants.' Gabrielle: Artists aren't supposed to care what the public wants. We're not doing this for money.
	Season 4 / Episode 17: - The Play's The Thing Gabrielle: What am I doing? All this sex, blood, violence? Have I gone crazy? Joxer: Gabrielle! We just sold out the first night! Gabrielle: Crazy like a fox! I want more blood! Let's make it gushing!
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - A Family Affair Joxer: [to Lila] Any sister of Gabrielle's is like a member of the family.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Forget Me Not Gabrielle: I'm in love with you? Joxer: Yes. Yes, you are. Gabrielle: I think I knew that.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Bitter Suite Joxer: Joxer the Mighty, Master of geography. Here to guide you on your way. Stick with me-you'll never stray. If you're in a land that's new, I'm the man who'll get you through, Even if you're slightly nude. I'm Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Quill Is Mightier Joxer: "Gabrielle awoke with a jerk." Gabrielle awoke with a jerk, that's a funny phrase.
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Quill Is Mightier Joxer: Wait. Did I smell something? Aphrodite: Lay off of me, turkey! Joxer: No. Oh, it's fish! Aphrodite: I'm new to this mortal hygiene thing!
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Warrior... Priestess... Tramp Bordello Girls: Joxer the Mighty, Master of virility. Every woman wants him, He's so sexy it's a sin. If you want a special tryst, He's the man you can't resist. By every measure he's a prize. Joxer: Just check out my shoe size! Ha-ha! Bordello Girls: Joxer the Mighty, Captain of debauchery. Never seems to get enough Of our tantalizing stuff. If you need some company, With Joxer there's a guarantee. Joxer: Of the highest potency! Bordello Girl #2: Heck, I'd even work for free! Leah: Take your filthy hands off me! Bordello Girls: He's Joxer- Joxer the Mighty!
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The King of Assassins Joxer: I've seen evil and I've changed my ways. Jett (Joxer's evil twin): Bro, if you saw evil, you'd have to change your PANTS.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Been There, Done That Joxer: Rise and shine everyone! Rise and shine! Gabrielle: I'll rise but I refuse to shine!
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Been There, Done That Gabrielle: Xena, it just doesn't make sense. Who do you think? Xena: It's not the Fates; it's not Ares; it's not something that I ate. No, I have no poison dart marks. I have no Bacchae bites. [Shows her neck] Joxer: Is that a hickey? [Both Xena and Gabrielle look away slightly embarrassed]
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Been There, Done That Joxer: You know the enemy of my enemy is often considered my friend. Xena: [exasperated] Joxer... [pauses and looks at Lycos and Menos] Go ahead. Joxer: [surprised] Really? Xena: Go ahead. Joxer: Yeah but you don't eve... I knew this would happen someday, you and me on the same wavelength, two great minds, one thought. Gabrielle: Only half a wit.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Been There, Done That Joxer: Oh! Oh! I know! I know! Wait a minute. What if none if this is really happening, and like we're all in somebody else's head, and they're making us up?
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Ten Little Warlords Joxer: Who are you supposed to be, a fierce warrior trapped in the body of Gabrielle?
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Xena: Find a way to make him presentable, and then we'll leave. Joxer: Wait a minute. What did she mean, make you presentable? Orpheus: She doesn't want me to look like you
	Unknown Episode: Joxer: There's a lot we can learn from each other, you know. Autolycus: Sure. Hey, why don't you start by teaching me how to disappear without a trace? Joxer: Okay! First, you... [offended] Hey! Autolycus: [to Gabrielle] Why is he here? Gabrielle: He knows Jett. Autolycus: No, in a grander sense - why is he here?
	Unknown Episode: Xena: Gabrielle, did you know that Joxer simply adores you? Joxer: Could I speak to you privately? Xena: He would crawl 50 miles on broken glass, just to sweat in your shadow.

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