Wings Quotes

Wings

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 7 / Episode 13: - Sons and Lovers Roy Biggins: My son is gay, Helen. You expect me to be proud of that? Helen: Oh, Roy, you don't have to be proud of it, but you can accept it. Roy Biggins: ...And what if I can't? Helen: [pauses] You haven't seen your son in 5 years, right? Roy Biggins: Yes. Helen: Did you miss him? Roy Biggins: [Sadly] Yes. Helen: Well... get used to it.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Roy Biggins: Doesn't surprise me. Once you've been with Roy Biggins, you don't want another man! Antonio: Sounds about right.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Roy Biggins: I was so good, I screamed out my own name!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: I was trying to hurt him, not you. Come on. What do you say? Can you help me out? For old times sake? Roy Biggins: Ha! What the hell! What's one more roll in the hay, huh? Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: Really? Roy Biggins: Nah!... I'm such a tease!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Roy Biggins: But some part of you must have... wanted to be here with me. You could've just TOLD him we slept together. You could've just lied to him, Syl. Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: No. He knows me too well. I can't fake things with him the way I could with you.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: I'm sorry, Roy. When I found out about him & his secretary, all I could think about was getting even by sleeping with the first guy I could find. I knew that would hurt him. Roy Biggins: But why did you pick ME? Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: Cause I knew THAT would kill him!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Brian Hackett: [to Roy] The fact is that when one guy sees another guy about to get dumped on, he wants to help him out... even if that guy's you!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Roy Biggins: She just wants to get me into bed & use me like some cheap piece of meat? Brian Hackett: Exactly. Roy Biggins: I can live with that! [slams door]
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Mark the Waiter: I agree with Brian. It's very straaange. Brian Hackett: Who are you again? Antonio: Don't you remember? He's Helen's crab boy!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Helen: Joe, you've gotta help me! That kid's been staring at me for hours! Joe Hackett: He's got a crush on you. What do you want me to do? Helen: Tell him take a hike! Tell him to beat it! Kick his weirdo butt outta here! I would, but I'm too nice! Joe Hackett: Helen, I'm not gonna break his heart. Besides, who can blame him? [imitating Mark] You got the kind of spatulas that drive men wiiiild!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Brian Hackett: My God! Look at that woman! That's Roy's ex-wife! Alex: Hold it! Hold it! Somebody actually married Roy?
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: That's your ex-wife? She's so elegant & refined & attractive &... ummmm... Roy Biggins: And what? Is it so hard to believe she was married to me? Alex: Yeah! What'd she do, lose a bet?
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Mark the Waiter: I'm Mark... your waiter... from the Crab House... I served you... craaaaabs... I just came by to say 'hi'... so... hiii...
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Joe Blows (2) Brian Michael Hackett: And as if that weren't enough, I'm the one who's sittin' here wearing a FREAKIN' CLOWN SUIT!
	Season 4 / Episode 16: - The Gift (2) Antonio Scarpacci: Lowell? Lowell? Lowell? I-I know you're playing the part of a stagehand, but why do you have to rehearse hammering? Lowell Mather: Antonio, Antonio... you might as well ask, "Why did that actor gain 60 pounds to play the role of Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull?" Antonio Scarpacci: De Niro? Lowell Mather: Of course it was for the money!
	Season 3 / Episode 22: - As Fate Would Have It Lowell Mather: The plane's available thanks to that bachelor party, bachelor party that might I add no one invited me to. Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Lowell, you don't even like Jim Barto. Lowell Mather: But I like watchin' strippers...even if they are my cousins.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Das Plane Carlton Blanchard: What do you suppose they do with those little pieces of metal they punch out when they make a flute?
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Das Plane Carlton Blanchard: [after 23 hours of misunderstandings and $10,000, Carlton has beaten his estranged brother of 50 years at an airport in Wyoming] Well, I said all I had to say to that son of a bitch! What are you waiting for? Take off! Brian Hackett: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't get it. You pay $10,000 and fly all this way just so you can beat your brother senseless? Carlton Blanchard: Hell, no! I got my daddy's watch back, too!... wait a minute! This isn't Daddy's watch! And, come to think of it, Milford doesn't have red hair... maybe it was Las Cruces!
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Das Plane Brian Michael Hackett: [waving to an empty cornfield] So long, Shoeless Joe. Well, it's official: I have absolutely no idea where the hell we are. Lowell Mather: Well, the corn's as high as an elephant's eye. I'd say we're in Iowa. Brian Michael Hackett: That's Oklahoma, you nimrod. Lowell Mather: [looking at Brian's feet] Well, I may be a nimrod, but at least I'm not the one standing in cow pies. Joe Montgomery Hackett: [emerging from another section of the cornfield] Well, I couldn't find any signs of life. Any word from Antonio? Lowell Mather: No, not since he disappeared down that dirt road. Hey, wouldn't it be neat if he got picked up by aliens? This is where it happens, you know: cornfields in Iowa! Brian Michael Hackett: We're not in Iowa! Lowell Mather: Oh right,Stinky thinks we're in Oklahoma!
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Das Plane Carlton Blanchard: Are we on the ground? Brian Hackett: No, we crashed and died, and Heaven's really disappointing.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Das Plane Brian Hackett: STUPID-HEAD!
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Das Plane Lowell Mather: Hey, is that your brother standing over there? Carlton Blanchard: Yep, that's Milford, all right. Oh, the years haven't been kind to him, have they? Antonio Scarpacci: Guess he didn't drink from the Fountain of Youth, like you did.
	Season 3 / Episode 17: - Das Plane Brian Hackett: We are now flying over Amish Country - phrases to avoid include "Yo Beardy!" and "Hey Mr. No-Buttons."
	Season 3 / Episode 15: - This Old House Brian Michael Hackett: Well, goodbye, old house. Joe Hackett: Yeah, and just think, we never have to see this place again. [flashback] Mr. Hackett: Boys, come on down and get some dinner! Little Brian: Wow, I like this place a lot better than the old apartment! Mrs. Hackett: You know guys, I think we're going to be happy here for a long time.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Bogey Men Brian Hackett: Try throwing a shoe at Roy and NOT hitting him.
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Bogey Men Lowell Mather: It's hard to describe, but it made my eyelids flap like a windowshade.
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Try to Remember the Night He Dismembered Lowell Mather: You think you're confused, [whispers] check out the look on that giant frog.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Taming of the Shrew Lowell Mather: [while giving a tour] If you'll all follow me, we'll have a look at the main terminal. Built in 1970, renovated 3 years ago. It was recently painted by the famous Nantucket painter, Bill the Painter Man.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - Murder She Roast Brian Michael Hackett: It's scary to think that we live in a country where anybody can walk up to a counter and purchase meat.
	Season 2 / Episode 21: - Murder She Roast Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: If I was going to kill you, I'd never poison you. I'd just tamper with the fuel gauge on the plane and let you sink like a stone somewhere over Nantuckett Sound. Brian Michael Hackett: Faye! Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: I'm only kidding... but I do know how.

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