Roy Biggins

Wings

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Characters: #5 of 7 (Full List)

Played by:

David Schramm
A Kentucky native, Schramm attended Western Kentucky University in Bowling Green, Kentucky and majored ...

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Roy Biggins Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 13: - Sons and Lovers Roy Biggins: My son is gay, Helen. You expect me to be proud of that? Helen: Oh, Roy, you don't have to be proud of it, but you can accept it. Roy Biggins: ...And what if I can't? Helen: [pauses] You haven't seen your son in 5 years, right? Roy Biggins: Yes. Helen: Did you miss him? Roy Biggins: [Sadly] Yes. Helen: Well... get used to it.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Roy Biggins: Doesn't surprise me. Once you've been with Roy Biggins, you don't want another man! Antonio: Sounds about right.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Roy Biggins: I was so good, I screamed out my own name!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: I was trying to hurt him, not you. Come on. What do you say? Can you help me out? For old times sake? Roy Biggins: Ha! What the hell! What's one more roll in the hay, huh? Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: Really? Roy Biggins: Nah!... I'm such a tease!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Roy Biggins: But some part of you must have... wanted to be here with me. You could've just TOLD him we slept together. You could've just lied to him, Syl. Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: No. He knows me too well. I can't fake things with him the way I could with you.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: I'm sorry, Roy. When I found out about him & his secretary, all I could think about was getting even by sleeping with the first guy I could find. I knew that would hurt him. Roy Biggins: But why did you pick ME? Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: Cause I knew THAT would kill him!
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Roy Biggins: She just wants to get me into bed & use me like some cheap piece of meat? Brian Hackett: Exactly. Roy Biggins: I can live with that! [slams door]
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - Roy Crazy Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: That's your ex-wife? She's so elegant & refined & attractive &... ummmm... Roy Biggins: And what? Is it so hard to believe she was married to me? Alex: Yeah! What'd she do, lose a bet?
	Season 2 / Episode 11: - A Terminal Christmas Lowell Mather: [singing] I'll be Joan for Christmas... Roy Biggins: Why is it whenever he's around I hear dueling banjos? Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: George used to sing that song to me. Brian Michael Hackett: There's words to that song? I thought it was just banjos.
	Unknown Episode: Lowell Mather: I'm actually a lot like a camel. I can go for months without water. Roy Biggins: You've only gone twelve hours; you're way too much like a camel already.
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: I'm going to teach that kid everything I know. Helen: What's he going to do the second half of the day?
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: If you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for the big night. Alex: Oh, that's right, you're about to romance a woman. You'll want to shower, shave, buy chloroform...
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: You know what I do when I have a problem with a woman? Antonio: Deflate her?
	Unknown Episode: Brian Hackett: It says here, fifteen percent of the American public would rather watch television than have sex. Roy Biggins: Fifteen perc... Yeah, yeah, I buy that, yeah. You know, maybe you're... you're too tired, or she's too... what's a nice way to put this? Ugly. Brian Hackett: The words "too tired" aren't in my vocabulary, and frankly, Roy, I don't think the words "too ugly" should be in yours.
	Unknown Episode: Joe Hackett: Lowell, where you going? Lowell Mather: Oh, to clear my mind. Roy Biggins: Shouldn't take long. One good sneeze ought to do it.
	Unknown Episode: Lowell Mather: I've had this nagging feeling all day that I'm forgetting something. Roy Biggins: My guess is you get that feeling a lot.
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: I've never minded staying up all night because of a woman. Helen: Well, you don't have a choice. If you dozed off, she'd escape.
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: Roy Biggins doesn't pay for sex. Roy Biggins Inc. pays for sex.
	Unknown Episode: Brian Hackett: Listen, We are throwing a suprise engagement party for Joe and Helen and um your all invited. Casey Chappel Davenport: Its at the Harbor House tonight, we'll meet you in the lobby at 7:30 Roy Biggins: Well, its a little last minute but its a party and who am I to pass up a big sandwich. How many feet you go for, eight feet? Lowell Mather: No, this is Joe and Helen, its gotta be the ten footer! Brian Hackett: Brace yourself guys... um... were not having a big sandwich. Lowell Mather: Excuse me um almost sounded like you said there'd be no big sandwich. Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Everyone loves the big sandwich. Roy Biggins: A party with out a big sandwich? it it it it its just not done. Casey Chappel Davenport: All right! Enough about the big sandwich. I am sure you will all be more than pleased with the food especially after you've tasted the marvelous poached Salmon. Lowell Mather: How many feet did you get? Casey Chappel Davenport: It doesn't come by the foot. Lowell Mather: Then how do you know when your full? Casey Chappel Davenport: I gotta get off this Island [leaves quickly]
	Unknown Episode: Helen: Oh Lowell, please tell me your brother didn't marry his sister. Roy Biggins: No. Cousin. The sister didn't work out.
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: I was so good, I screamed out my own name!
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: Once you've been with Roy Biggins, you don't want another man! Antonio: Sounds about right.
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: So what you're saying is, she's not interested in me, that I don't mean anything to her. She just wants to get me into bed & use me like some cheap piece of meat? Brian Hackett: Exactly. Roy Biggins: I can live with that!
	Unknown Episode: Roy Biggins: Forget it. I'm not... , I'm not in the mood. Silvia, Roy's Ex-wife: YOU?

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