Whose Line Is It Anyway? (UK) - Episode Quotes

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Whose Line Is It Anyway? (UK) Quotes

	Season 7 / Episode 5: - Greg Proops, Mike McShane, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Ryan Stiles: [using a length of foam roll as a pair of binoculars] That looks like a German U-boat! Mike McShane: [holding up two horse-shoe-shaped objects] No! *This* looks like a German U-boat!
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - Greg Proops, Mike McShane, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Tony Slattery: Yes, we're back, and it's Round Three of Saliva Darts. [spits]
	Season 7 / Episode 2: - Greg Proops, Mike McShane, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Ryan Stiles: Okay, we've put a little something special in *all* the cookies we're going to sell this year! Mike McShane: Well, that looks about like I ate everything, and drank all the water and we're, what, 50 miles from anyplace? Greg Proops: I spent a lot of time making those frilly pink uniforms, and I expect you boys to wear them!
	Season 7 / Episode 1: - Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Niall Ashdown, Ryan Stiles Clive Anderson: Some reason families get together. Clive Anderson: Halloween. Yeah, people get together for Halloween. Good suggestion. Incest is a little too strong for British viewers. So, the Halloween hoedown. Take it away Greg. Greg Proops: I like trick or treatn', I go from door to door. / I ask for candy, ask for sweets, then I ask for more. / Sometimes they give me lots of rocks and bugs / But I do not care, 'cause I trick or treat on drugs. Colin Mochrie: Oh, I'm so glad that Halloween is finally here. / 'Cause Halloween's my favourite time of the entire year. / I dress up and give all the kids an awful fright, / I really don't know why, I'm not wearing a mask tonight. Niall Ashdown: Last Halloween there were terrible blizzards. / This was caused by a nasty old wizard. / He looked out his window, and cast a fearful spell. / And when I woke up in the morning I did smell. Ryan Stiles: Halloween, can be such a special night, / It's a chance you get to run around and scare and fright. / When people open the door, oh boy, do they run. / That's because every year I dress as Clive Anderson. Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Niall Ashdown, Ryan Stiles: [slowly] Clive Anderson!
	Season 6 / Episode 9: - Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Ryan Stiles: Oh righty... Oh, I'm sorry, this is a rectal thermometer!
	Season 6 / Episode 9: - Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Colin Mochrie: Now, the penis is the droopy thing, right?
	Season 6 / Episode 9: - Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Greg Proops: Am I putting something in, or pulling something out?
	Season 6 / Episode 9: - Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Ryan Stiles: With friends like that, who needs enemas!
	Season 6 / Episode 9: - Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Ryan Stiles: Excuse me for one minute. Ryan Stiles: [singing under his breath] Knee bone's connected to the...
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Steve Frost, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Tony Slattery Clive Anderson: This is very exciting because everybody's neck-and-neck - apart from me, obviously, because I haven't got one.
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Jim Sweeney, Steve Steen, Tony Slattery, Mike McShane Jim Sweeney: [as Lewis Carroll] Alice was feeling very flustered. The 5 year olds had just set fire to her feet. It was a perfectly normal Friday but somehow she felt a little stoned. "Don't bogue up that joint fix" said the caterpillar in the corner. "Pass the duchy in the left hand side". Steve Steen: [as Jackie Collins] The caterpillar was called Blanche Du Celery, and she moved into the sunlight, arching her back and moaning slightly, her proud breasts standing out like pink... Tony Slattery: [as the disembodied head from The Sun TV commercials] And you can see them on page 3. There's always more nude caterpillars in the Sun. Mike McShane: [as Dr. Seuss] Alice said, beyond belief, "I will not smoke that massive spleef. / That massive spleef is so huge, I feel like riding in your louge". / And the caterpillar then, he got in and said "My name is Ben. / Get in my louge and I will fly, we'll fly and then we'll say goodbye". Jim Sweeney: Alice suddenly had a screaming attack of the munchies, and the 5 year olds had taken away all her chocolate. Steve Steen: And then two Dutch lorry drivers came in. One was called Truck Van Rental, the other was called Hertz Van Hire. Tony Slattery: They stood there playing the Alice Bingo Game, which... Mike McShane: "If the game is done, I'd like to leave, my children have left before me I believe," / The caterpillar said "You cannot go, we have to go to the planet Schmo". / And Schmo they went, and Schmo they did, and they found themselves a little kid, / who was part of a group but he was crying, and on his butt were two eggs frying.
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Greg Proops, Sandi Toksvig, Tony Slattery, Mike McShane Greg Proops: I hope no one else has clustrophobia!
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Greg Proops, Sandi Toksvig, Tony Slattery, Mike McShane Mike McShane: Where are they? Where are my glasses? [Turns around toshow glasses on the back of his head]
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - Greg Proops, Sandi Toksvig, Tony Slattery, Mike McShane Mike McShane: I'd like to tell the Mess Sgt. that we will *not* be having curry again this week!
	Unknown Episode: Ryan Stiles: [to Mike McShane] If you got a duck blowing on one of your bladders, you're in deep trouble, my friend, deep troubles.
	Unknown Episode: Clive Anderson: [During Tag] So Sandi, though you bring out the worst in me, you'll be on your knees. Sandi Toksvig: What do you mean I bring out the worst in you? Clive Anderson: Unless you've been on your knees all night. Sandi Toksvig: [goes right up to his desk] I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that, *BALDY*! Paul Merton: Are you bald, or is your neck blowing bubble gum? Clive Anderson: I'm not bald, I'm just taller than my hair...
	Unknown Episode: Colin Mochrie: [Vasectomy Hoedown] I fight fires in Germany/they really are the worst/I will now sing German/in my next verse Colin Mochrie: [In German] Ich Leiber duch, dict, der mansion der exploden. Okatlot, Okadat, oh der trampolinen
	Unknown Episode: Greg Proops: [the Colin Hoedown, acting like Colin] I like to sing like Colin/I really really do/I really really really really really really do/And when I sing like Colin/I like to-Grr! [does dinosaur impersonation] Phil LaMarr: There is a man/Who is the king of Whose Line/His energy is exploding and his humor's very fine/ When he does a hoedown/ he rarely ever sucks/Because he's one fine/follically challenged canuck. Colin Mochrie: Everybody's having fun/they're singing all about me/Lets all laugh along with them/Hahahaheehee/It really is quite wonderful/Can't you plainly see/Look at them/Look at them/Of me they're making a Mochrie Ryan Stiles: You've got to love Colin/love him to the end/Actually I consider/Him my best friend/ He is very good/ the best guy alive/Any way you look at it/He's got more hair than Clive!
	Unknown Episode: Clive Anderson: Take it away, Greg! Greg Proops: You got it, Clive! Clive Anderson: You sing it, Greg! Greg Proops: Alright, fresh funkmiester! Greg Proops: Sing before my funk gets stale!
	Unknown Episode: Greg Proops: [Motorway Hoedown] Once I was in England/I met a man/He was shining bald, his name was/Clive Ander-san/I got a little nervous/shouted "Where is the freeway", he said/"No you silly twat it's called a mo-tor-way!
	Unknown Episode: Mike McShane: Don't mess with the Neon Love Chicken!
	Unknown Episode: Clive Anderson: Olympic sports we'd like to see… Tony Slattery: And now the- [Steve Steen starts humping him] Tony Slattery: Oh, God! Mike McShane: Yes sir, the Humping the Tony event! Clive Anderson: I think Humping the Tony is actually in the Olympics Mike McShane: You ought to see the synchronized humping the Tony!
	Unknown Episode: Colin Mochrie: "Objection!... Sustained!... This Courtroom is a Mochrie!"
	Unknown Episode: Clive Anderson: Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the improvisation show which, if you haven't seen it before, is the very best programme on the television. Or, if you have seen it before, you know it's one where I start off with a very big lie.
	Unknown Episode: Stephen Fry: I think we may have some rather severely crossed lines here. Um, no, I wouldn't like to eat the ticket, with or without treacle, honey, marmalade, or anything of the kind. Just a plain, ordinary, 'vanilla' if you like, airline ticket.
	Unknown Episode: Rory Bremner: Welcome to 'World Leaders', my name is David Frost. I bring you world leaders, no matter what the cost. [as Clinton] I'm a sort of world leader, I'm a pleasant kind of a feller. [as Mandella] But I'm an even nicer bloke, my name's Nelson Mandella.
	Unknown Episode: Colin Mochrie: Everybody's having fun, they're singing all about me./Let's all laugh along with them, ha ha ha hee hee./It really is amusing, can't you all see,/Look at them, look at them, of me they're making a Mochrie!
	Unknown Episode: Niall Ashdown: Last Halloween there were terrible blizzards, This was caused by a nasty old wizard. He looked out his window, and cast a fearful spell. And when I woke up in the morning I did smell.
	Unknown Episode: Mark Cohen: Now I watch the trains, Lord, rolling down the track, I'm gonna get myself on that train, and I ain't going back. I'm gonna go from the top to the bottom, go down to the funnel, And then I'll be, can't see nothing, 'cause I'm in the train tunnel.
	Unknown Episode: Chip Esten: I have a little boy, you know his name is Tom. I was his daddy, but now I am his mom. I was a tough one, as tough as old Charles Bronson, Until I went to the hospital and they cut off my Johnson.