Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

- Episode Quotes

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Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Show No. 424 Colin Mochrie: We have more songs on here than you can count! [pause] Well that's not true but it sounded good! Ryan Stiles: Well I said before there were 6 songs but you just kept talking and talking. [laughter from audience and Drew] Colin Mochrie: [looks at Ryan] What happened to you?
	Season 5 / Episode 31: - Show No. 520 Ryan Stiles: What do I look like? Wayne Brady: Did you hear that? Colin Mochrie: Yeah, I did hear that. Ryan Stiles: What do I look like? Colin Mochrie: Shut up! All right, Ryan Stiles: [interrupting, in a whisper] What do I look like? Colin Mochrie: I'll tell you what you look like: a big stick with a big nose!
	Season 5 / Episode 31: - Show No. 520 Ryan Stiles: And by the way, when I said "a rug", I meant like a rug Ryan Stiles: not a Colin Mochrie: When I said "a stick with a big nose", what I meant was Ryan Stiles: "Icehole"!
	Season 5 / Episode 31: - Show No. 520 Drew Carey: What happens is they only can say two lines during the entire scene, that is Wayne and Ryan. Colin can say anything he wants, but Wayne and Ryan can only say two lines and that's it. Drew Carey: Whoops. Brad Sherwood: [running to Wayne] You okay? Brad Sherwood: Clear!
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - Show No. 511 Whoopi Goldberg: [Questions Only - Last night on a single's cruise] Can't you leave me alone? Wayne Brady: Is that the color purple? Whoopi Goldberg: Are you Helen Keller? Wayne Brady: Don't you want some of this? [starts dancing] Whoopi Goldberg: Didn't I have that and throw it out? Whoopi Goldberg: [Wayne starts laughing] Wasn't it just a bit on the wee side? [Wayne walks off stage] Colin Mochrie: Do you want some of this? [dances weird] Whoopi Goldberg: Are you crazy? Colin Mochrie: Did you know there's only two hours left? Whoopi Goldberg: Would I care if I knew? Colin Mochrie: Can't you make me a man? Whoopi Goldberg: Don't you think it's too late? [Audience starts laughing hysterically] Colin Mochrie: Don't you want to feel the pleasure that only one other woman has felt? Whoopi Goldberg: Is that the one who died? Colin Mochrie: Who knew 87 orgasms could kill you? Whoopi Goldberg: Are you telling me that you've had 87 orgasms and this is what I have to look forward to? Colin Mochrie: Don't you know it's not the package? Whoopi Goldberg: Has someone lied to you? Don't you think if I could, I would with you? Colin Mochrie: Why are you fighting this? Whoopi Goldberg: Do you think I'm fighting? Colin Mochrie: Don't you know I can read your eyes? [leans in close to Whoopi] Whoopi Goldberg: [kisses Colin quickly, walks off stage after buzzer] Ryan Stiles: How's it feel to kiss a woman for a change?
	Season 4 / Episode 28: - Show No. 431 Colin Mochrie: [Greatest Hits - Songs of the Flight attendent] One of my favorite styles, as you know, because we spend a lot of time together... Ryan Stiles: Shhh, shhh... Colin Mochrie: -unnaturally almost. I, uh, I love my Metal. Ryan Stiles: Oh. Colin Mochrie: And I love the hyper-metal sounds of [shouting] THRASH! AND THEIR GREAT FLIGHT ATTENDANT SONG... [cuts to Drew, who is laughing hysterically] [cuts back to Ryan and Colin, who is still shouting loudly] 'DO YOU WANT MEAT OR FISH?'
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Show No. 415 Wayne Brady: Why I gotta be the Haitian who is being controlled by a voodoo doll?
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Show No. 415 Drew Carey: You're not the first girl scout I've seen possessed by the devil. Ryan Stiles: Those weren't real girl scouts. They were just girls you paid to PRETEND to be girl scouts. Drew Carey: Tell your wife I said hello [pause] Let's just stop this, I love you man. Colin Mochrie: Hey come on, make fun of the bald guy! I'll be your lightening rod of hate!
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Show No. 415 Drew Carey: [Colin's battery back has come loose] Are you ok? Colin Mochrie: I'm fine Drew. Thank you. I've just lost my battery back somewhere in the area of my buttocks. That's ok, my pack is half way up my ass. Wayne Brady, Greg Proops, Ryan Stiles: [singing] My pack is half way up my ass.
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Show No. 415 Colin Mochrie: [Weird things to hear from the voices in side your head] I'm the little voice in your head. No I'm the little voice in your head. No, I'm the voice in your head...
	Season 4 / Episode 13: - Too Hot For Whose Line -- Show No. 418 Colin Mochrie: Sometimes I just wonder why I talk to you. Ryan Stiles: Because if you didn't, you wouldn't be talking to anyone. Colin Mochrie: That's right, and I'd still get better answers.
	Season 3 / Episode 37: - Show No. 344 Drew Carey: [at the end of the "Howard" song - the song ended up going unexpectedly fast for some reason] You had a little "Cooger breakdown" there, right? What happened to the [drum machine] ? Laura Hall: [laughing] Um, it's hard to explain. I'm so sorry! Drew Carey: No, I didn't even know the Village people did polkas. [more laughter] It was really fun Colin Mochrie: I didn't think it was that noticable. [more laughter] Drew Carey: All of a sudden it was like "da-na-na-na-na-na-na.". [laughter] Man, it was like a wind-up monkey. Greg Proops: [in a 50's style surfer voice] Watch out for those tempo changes, maaan. Cause when we go into the second bridge, this shit takes off. [everyone cracks up]
	Season 3 / Episode 37: - Show No. 344 Drew Carey: [after the keyboard incident] You had a little equipment breakdown, right? What happened to the...? Laura Hall: [laughing] Uh, It's hard to explain. I'm so sorry. Drew Carey: That's okay. No, I didn't know the Village People even did polkas. That was really fun. Colin Mochrie: I didn't think it was that noticeable. Drew Carey: Yeah, it was all "da-na-na-na-na-na-na." Man, it was like a wind-up monkey. Greg Proops: [to Wayne in a 50's surfer voice] Watch out for those tempo changes, man. 'Cause when we go into the second bridge, this sh*t takes off. [everyone cracks up]
	Season 3 / Episode 37: - Show No. 344 Wayne Brady: It's hard to spell at two hundred and ten beats per minute.
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Show No. 325 Drew Carey: Give me a suggestion of two unlikely roommates. Audience Member: Bill Cosby and Hitler! Drew Carey: [laughs] Bill Cosby...Bill Cosby and Hitler. Certainly unlikely roommates. So [something happens off stage] You gotta be kidding me...come on! [Director walks to Drew's desk] Ryan Stiles: Not that Hitler. Brad Sherwood: RUDOLPH Hitler... Wayne Brady: [As Bill Cosby] Would you like some Jello Hitler? Drew Carey: [unhappily] Somebody over there. Give me an occupation. Audience Member: Insurance Salesman! Drew Carey: Insurance Salesman. The name of the 70's sitcom we will be singing about is Bill Cosby and the Insurance Salesman. [sarcastically] Fucking hilarious isn't it?
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Show No. 325 Wayne Brady: [Scenes from a hat: How the cast of Baywatch would react to a real emergency] I'm falling! [inflates fake boobs to act as a parachute] Drew Carey: [sarcastically] You can do that. But whatever you do, don't fucking make fun of Hitler. Wayne Brady: [German-tounge] Unses es fallen! [inflates fake boobs to act as a parachute]
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Show No. 325 Drew Carey: [sarcastically] I love that. Let's make fun of Native American's all we want. No one gives a shit about them. Brad Sherwood: [Scenes from a hat: What Tarzan and Tonto would be like as roomates; Brad and Wayne walk out] [As Tarzan] Will you go upstairs and tell Hitler to be quiet?
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Show No. 325 Brad Sherwood: [Scenes from a hat: Unlikely Souvanier T-shirts] Cosby and Hitler!
	Season 3 / Episode 9: - Show No. 320 Robin Williams: What's the dead rabbit for?
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - Show No. 227 Drew Carey: Hey, if you're home and watching the show with your girlfriend, why don't call your wife and ask her to tune in too?
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - Show No. 215 Colin Mochrie: Would you pay over two hundred bucks for this collection? Ryan Stiles: Well, I wouldn't! Colin Mochrie: And what about those of us who only have one network show?
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - Show No. 215 Colin Mochrie: When I was a young boy, I had a dog named Joe. And whenever he'd get too far, I'd put on a Yoko Ono record and he would come running back really quickly. And luckily, that song is on this album: the great Yoko Ono attorney hit, "Attor-NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYY!"
	Season 2 / Episode 16: - Show No. 224 Ryan Stiles: [During "Dating Service Video", wearing a hangman's noose] Guess who's well hung?
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - Show No. 211 Ryan Stiles: [Scenes From A Hat: "If Dogs Could Talk"] I've got worms where?
	Season 2 / Episode 11: - Show No. 222 Colin Mochrie: [excited] Today on "Celebrity Phlegm"...!
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Show No. 205 Brad Sherwood: [SFAH: Celebrity endorsements doomed to fail] I'm Bette Davis for anti-aging cream. Wayne Brady: I'm Mike Tyson for Encyclopaedia Brittanica. Ryan Stiles: [as Christopher Lloyd] I forgot what the hell I was sellin'! Colin Mochrie: Hi, I'm Colin Mochrie for Rogaine.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Show No. 205 Drew Carey: [after the episodes playing of Party Quirks] Was anybody else turned on by the thought of Brad Sherwood grabbin' you by the scruff of the neck and yellling 'Bad boy, bad boy?' Ryan Stiles: Drew, Drew! Wake up! Drew Carey: Oh, sorry, I was talking in my sleep. Excuse me. Brad Sherwood: You always talk in your sleep!
	Season 1 / Episode 17: - Show No. 116 Brad Sherwood: Rumors are circulating that Madame Albright is actually a monkey.When asked to comment she shimmied up a tree and flung poo at the press.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Show No. 119 Brad Sherwood: [Hoedown about going bald] I'm losing my hair and it really is a pain/I find out every morning when I see the shower drain/ But as you can see, it isn't quite for me/ But at least I'm not quite as bald as Colin Moch-a-rie Drew Carey: Aw man! He took my rhyme! I was going to do that! Drew Carey: [Sung] I have all my hair, and I really am quite happy/ I like putting stuff in my hair, it makes me look real snappy/I like to comb my hair, I never need a breather/ I'm so happy I'm not Colin Mochrie either! Colin Mochrie: People always kid me because I'm losing all my hair/ I can't really help it that I'm folically impaired/It really is quite horrible, but my life is not through/ I still get way more sex than either Brad or Drew!
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Show No. 105 Ryan Stiles: [as Count Dracula in game, 'Whose Line'] When my teeth are in your neck you'll cry for me to stop like all the others! You'll say [pulls line out from pocket] 'Your fanny is a masterpiece!' [audience cheers, he rubs his butt] LOOK AT IT! Looooooooook at it! Colin Mochrie: [moving towards Ryan’s butt then pulling back] NO! I will not be tempted by the fanny of darkness!

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