Wayne Brady

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

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Wayne Brady
At 16, Orlando, Florida, native Wayne Brady had already decided on a career in the military. Little ...

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Wayne Brady Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 31: - Show No. 520 Ryan Stiles: What do I look like? Wayne Brady: Did you hear that? Colin Mochrie: Yeah, I did hear that. Ryan Stiles: What do I look like? Colin Mochrie: Shut up! All right, Ryan Stiles: [interrupting, in a whisper] What do I look like? Colin Mochrie: I'll tell you what you look like: a big stick with a big nose!
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - Show No. 511 Whoopi Goldberg: [Questions Only - Last night on a single's cruise] Can't you leave me alone? Wayne Brady: Is that the color purple? Whoopi Goldberg: Are you Helen Keller? Wayne Brady: Don't you want some of this? [starts dancing] Whoopi Goldberg: Didn't I have that and throw it out? Whoopi Goldberg: [Wayne starts laughing] Wasn't it just a bit on the wee side? [Wayne walks off stage] Colin Mochrie: Do you want some of this? [dances weird] Whoopi Goldberg: Are you crazy? Colin Mochrie: Did you know there's only two hours left? Whoopi Goldberg: Would I care if I knew? Colin Mochrie: Can't you make me a man? Whoopi Goldberg: Don't you think it's too late? [Audience starts laughing hysterically] Colin Mochrie: Don't you want to feel the pleasure that only one other woman has felt? Whoopi Goldberg: Is that the one who died? Colin Mochrie: Who knew 87 orgasms could kill you? Whoopi Goldberg: Are you telling me that you've had 87 orgasms and this is what I have to look forward to? Colin Mochrie: Don't you know it's not the package? Whoopi Goldberg: Has someone lied to you? Don't you think if I could, I would with you? Colin Mochrie: Why are you fighting this? Whoopi Goldberg: Do you think I'm fighting? Colin Mochrie: Don't you know I can read your eyes? [leans in close to Whoopi] Whoopi Goldberg: [kisses Colin quickly, walks off stage after buzzer] Ryan Stiles: How's it feel to kiss a woman for a change?
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Show No. 415 Wayne Brady: Why I gotta be the Haitian who is being controlled by a voodoo doll?
	Season 3 / Episode 37: - Show No. 344 Wayne Brady: It's hard to spell at two hundred and ten beats per minute.
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Show No. 325 Drew Carey: Give me a suggestion of two unlikely roommates. Audience Member: Bill Cosby and Hitler! Drew Carey: [laughs] Bill Cosby...Bill Cosby and Hitler. Certainly unlikely roommates. So [something happens off stage] You gotta be kidding me...come on! [Director walks to Drew's desk] Ryan Stiles: Not that Hitler. Brad Sherwood: RUDOLPH Hitler... Wayne Brady: [As Bill Cosby] Would you like some Jello Hitler? Drew Carey: [unhappily] Somebody over there. Give me an occupation. Audience Member: Insurance Salesman! Drew Carey: Insurance Salesman. The name of the 70's sitcom we will be singing about is Bill Cosby and the Insurance Salesman. [sarcastically] Fucking hilarious isn't it?
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Show No. 325 Wayne Brady: [Scenes from a hat: How the cast of Baywatch would react to a real emergency] I'm falling! [inflates fake boobs to act as a parachute] Drew Carey: [sarcastically] You can do that. But whatever you do, don't fucking make fun of Hitler. Wayne Brady: [German-tounge] Unses es fallen! [inflates fake boobs to act as a parachute]
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Show No. 205 Brad Sherwood: [SFAH: Celebrity endorsements doomed to fail] I'm Bette Davis for anti-aging cream. Wayne Brady: I'm Mike Tyson for Encyclopaedia Brittanica. Ryan Stiles: [as Christopher Lloyd] I forgot what the hell I was sellin'! Colin Mochrie: Hi, I'm Colin Mochrie for Rogaine.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Show No. 106 Wayne Brady: [as Bill Clinton in Dating Service Video] I'm looking for a girl who can keep her mouth shut.
	Unknown Episode: Wayne Brady: I love the Village People, now please don't get me wrong / I love YMCA, hey girl, that's my song / But you see in San Francisco is where they belong / And all them Village People inspired me to wear my thong.
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: [scenes from a hat] Difficult questions for mommy to answer. Wayne Brady: Mommy, how come no one looks like me on "Friends"? Colin Mochrie: Mommy, how come no one looks like me on "Friends"? Drew Carey: If you weren't listening, I said difficult questions! Colin Mochrie: I'm adorable.
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: [Scenes from a hat] Baby Drew's first words. Colin Mochrie: Colin's Bald! Wayne Brady: Hey Nurse, come on! Ryan Stiles: Pizza! Brad Sherwood: Show me them boobs! Come on!
	Unknown Episode: Colin Mochrie: [as a pregnant mother in Quick Change] Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Wayne Brady: Change Colin Mochrie: Oklahoma!
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: [Scenes from a hat] Bad names for perfume Wayne Brady: I call it..."Like Ass!" Ryan Stiles: You know you're good when you're wearing "Eau Du Pork!" Colin Mochrie: [referring to an earlier game of Song Titles when he said to Ryan "Nice Pants"] "Nice Pants", the smell of courduroy.
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: Odd things to hear when you put your ear to a seashell Ryan Stiles: [Referring to last scene] I am Spartacus! Wayne Brady: Put me down! Robin Williams: Who's your daddy?
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: If entertainers worked funerals. Wayne Brady: Gather round the body. Whooom! It's not there anymore! Robin Williams: Is this the loved one? Alright Johnny, start up the truck. WOW, LOOK AT HIM MOVE! Isn't that incredible, ladies and gentlemen? With just 6 volts, you can make your relatives dance again! Colin Mochrie: [Pantomimes twirling the body like a baloon person] A dog! Ryan Stiles: Well... Ryan Stiles: Harry and I would like to thank you for coming here, isn't that right Frankie?...
	Unknown Episode: Wayne Brady: [Scenes from a hat- What George Bush really thinks about during cabinet meetings] So that's where poo comes from!
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: Naked Photos you wouldn't want to see on the internet Wayne Brady: Hi, I'm Bea Arthur! Ryan Stiles: C-A-R-E-Y. Hmmm. [Pretends to smash his computer] Drew Carey: Careful what you wish for Buddy...
	Unknown Episode: Greg Proops: No. No! I'm just saying no to rugs. [doorbell] Come on in, Wayne! How's it going, man? W-welcome to the party. Wayne Brady: [as "Chicken With Attitude"] Hmph. [walks in like a chicken and puffs up like saying "What you want"] Greg Proops: Are you all right? You want some... Wayne Brady: ["No. Leave me alone!" kind of movement] Greg Proops: Y-you want some corn or chips or something? [doorbell] I'm gonna... Wayne Brady: ["Answer the dang door!"] Greg Proops: Woah, woah! I gotta get the door. Hello, Col. How are ya? Colin Mochrie: [as "A Person Who's Auditioning for Every Part in a Slasher Film"] Here's my 8" by 10". Greg Proops: Uh... all right? Great. Colin Mochrie: All right? Here we go. [clears throat] Okay. [screams loudly] No, wait! I can do it better. [screams louder on higher pitch] No. I think maybe this part. [Covers hand over one eye and mimes stabbing someone while moaning] Greg Proops: [doorbell] Oh. [ducks under his arm] You have GOT to stop taking sudifed! Oh, hi Ryan! How are you? Ryan Stiles: [as "Excited by Ugliness and Looking for the Perfect Specimen"] Great, how are you? Greg Proops: Fine. Ryan Stiles: Hey, thanks for inviting me. Can I meet your other guests? Greg Proops: Sure, no problem. [moves over to Wayne] This is a chicken. A funky chicken? No, he's not a chicken. A music chicken? He's a funky chicken? He's a chicken who thinks he's a rooster? Drew Carey: He's a chicken with an ATTITUDE. Greg Proops: Chicken with an attitude? [laughs] Ryan, have you met Colin. He's audtioning for a horror movie. Drew Carey: Every part in a horror movie. Greg Proops: [talking while Ryan, who's excited by ugliness in this role, is gazing at Drew Carey with facsination] Listen... can I get you something? A glass of water or punch or something? Would you like a glass of punch or something? Ryan Stiles: Sure, Ryan. [pretends to spill invisible glass] Oops. I dropped it all over myself. [bends down to show Drew his butt] I believe I haven't met your other friend. Greg Proops: Oh, well this is Drew. He sits behind a desk and makes a lot more than us! [laughter from the audience] Hey, Drew. Have you met Ryan? He's trying to... seduce everyone he meets! Drew Carey: No. Greg Proops: He's a man who's attracted to everyone he meets? No? He's a man who's attracted to everyone he meets? He's a guy who's imagined that... Drew Carey: [interrupting] Well, here he says that he's excited by UGLINESS!
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: Okay. Let's start out with... [pulls out paper] No... no. [puts paper back and picks a new one] "Bad choices for pets." Brad Sherwood: Here velocipraptor! Here velo- [Colin comes and pretends to bite his neck] Ryan Stiles: [whistles] Where's my little tapeworm? Huh? Drew Carey: Okay. [clears thraot] "Strange things to find in your bed." Wayne Brady: Colin? [Colin pops his head up] Ahhhhhhh! Colin Mochrie: Teach me how to sing like you! Ryan Stiles: [Ryan pops his head up] What's his problem? Colin Mochrie: I don't know! Drew Carey: Oh, okay. Uh, "dangerous things to do while you are naked." Brad Sherwood: Honey, bring out the steaks. I'm gonna light the barbeque. Colin Mochrie: [sighs] Okay. [Colin starts to pretend to throw chain saws into the air and jugle them] Ryan Stiles: 5 minutes, Mr. President. Drew Carey: [laughs] Okay. [reads card] Oh, boy. "Baby names that will someday get your child's ass kicked." Ryan Stiles: Oh, is Kick-My-Ass Hungry? Colin Mochrie: Come here... Colin. [Wayne and Brad pretend to go beat him up] Drew Carey: Okay. "Little known facts about our host, Drew Carey." Ryan Stiles: What kind of middle name is "Alison?" Drew Carey: "Things you wished you hadn't said to the president." Colin Mochrie: Sure, I'll be your intern. Brad Sherwood: [acts like he's holding out a tray] Cigarette? Cigar? Anyone? Ryan Stiles: [as if getting married] I do. Drew Carey: Hey! Don't go away! There'll be lots of more Whose Line right after this!
	Unknown Episode: [Scenes from a hat: If famous celebrities landed on the moon] Brad Sherwood: That's one small step for man, but one giant leap for me, Brad Sherwood. Drew Carey: [as Brad sets off-stage] Sorry, I said "famous celebrities." Brad Sherwood: Oh, sorry. Brad Sherwood: [short pause, then Brad starts whining] That was mean! Wayne Brady: [as Michael Jackson, moonwalking] Whoo! Ryan Stiles: [as Carol Channing] Why, this is as dry and barren as I am.
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: If songs were written about life's most embarrassing moments. Ryan Stiles: Where did all the toilet paper gooo? Kathryn Greenwood: I love you sooooo much- oops I farted! Colin Mochrie: Hey! That's me with the booger in my nose! Booger in my nose! Wayne Brady: We made love at 5:06. I was done by 5:07! Colin Mochrie: I didn't mean to cook your dog! But hey, that's how things happen! That thing was standin' there, and then his little toes started tapping! So I cut his throat, hey go get a goat, and then I put him on the barbeque! Drew Carey: And I put him on the barbeque!
	Unknown Episode: Ryan Stiles: [discussing a map] Well, this is all wrong here, I mean look, this army's attacking Hawaii! Wayne Brady: Change. Ryan Stiles: Look, the Salvation Army's attacking this restaurant over here! Wayne Brady: Change. Ryan Stiles: I mean, this is me, going after Richard Simmons!
	Unknown Episode: Wayne Brady: I feel ten pounds lighter and just a little dirty.
	Unknown Episode: Ryan Stiles: You see this badge? That means I'm the sheriff. Wayne Brady: Change. Ryan Stiles: You see this thong?... [bursts out laughing] Wayne Brady: Change. Ryan Stiles: You see these sandals? That means someone stole my boots.
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like when I say 'I Love You' when I'm drunk. Wayne Brady: No!
	Unknown Episode: Wayne Brady: [as the Mission:Impossible informant] As usual, if you or any of your team are caught or killed we will disavow any knowledge and laugh atcha'ass
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: Occupations where breaking into song is discouraged. Ryan Stiles: [pantomimes putting Colin into the electric chair] We're... gonna... Fry you this morning, fry you this morning! Wayne Brady: [goes up with Jeff] I'm sorry, but your husband... Isn't gonna make it isn't gonna make it, no, ain't gonna make it, isn't gonna make it... Jeff Bryan Davis: [continuing] Isn't gonna make it! Colin Mochrie: [mimes trapping himself in a box] I'm a MIME!
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: Bad places to find advertising Drew Carey: Must not have had a lot to say... Drew Carey: [audience boos] I regret saying that, because the next card says "Little known, but amazing facts about Drew Carey" Colin Mochrie: I have no sense of length. Wayne Brady: When I'm with a woman, I go "Wooooooooo!" Ryan Stiles: Did you know at first Drew Carey turned DOWN the role of gepetto?
	Unknown Episode: Wayne Brady: And today's Friday/it's the best day of all/because you get to have, a little spaghetti/and two big meatba- [cracks up]
	Unknown Episode: [Scenes from a Hat: What "Whose Line" Cast Members Wish for, when blowing out their "B"-Day Candles] Wayne Brady: [Blows] No more Hoedowns. Colin Mochrie: [Blows] Let me play a Man in a scene. Ryan Stiles: [Blows] Please, don't have Drew make me go under that desk again. Drew Carey: Young man, I'll see you at my desk.

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