Ryan Stiles

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

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Ryan Stiles
It's not surprising that Ryan Stiles would feel comfortable doing a comedic turn in the role of Lewis, ...

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Ryan Stiles Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Show No. 424 Colin Mochrie: We have more songs on here than you can count! [pause] Well that's not true but it sounded good! Ryan Stiles: Well I said before there were 6 songs but you just kept talking and talking. [laughter from audience and Drew] Colin Mochrie: [looks at Ryan] What happened to you?
	Season 5 / Episode 31: - Show No. 520 Ryan Stiles: What do I look like? Wayne Brady: Did you hear that? Colin Mochrie: Yeah, I did hear that. Ryan Stiles: What do I look like? Colin Mochrie: Shut up! All right, Ryan Stiles: [interrupting, in a whisper] What do I look like? Colin Mochrie: I'll tell you what you look like: a big stick with a big nose!
	Season 5 / Episode 31: - Show No. 520 Ryan Stiles: And by the way, when I said "a rug", I meant like a rug Ryan Stiles: not a Colin Mochrie: When I said "a stick with a big nose", what I meant was Ryan Stiles: "Icehole"!
	Season 5 / Episode 1: - Show No. 511 Whoopi Goldberg: [Questions Only - Last night on a single's cruise] Can't you leave me alone? Wayne Brady: Is that the color purple? Whoopi Goldberg: Are you Helen Keller? Wayne Brady: Don't you want some of this? [starts dancing] Whoopi Goldberg: Didn't I have that and throw it out? Whoopi Goldberg: [Wayne starts laughing] Wasn't it just a bit on the wee side? [Wayne walks off stage] Colin Mochrie: Do you want some of this? [dances weird] Whoopi Goldberg: Are you crazy? Colin Mochrie: Did you know there's only two hours left? Whoopi Goldberg: Would I care if I knew? Colin Mochrie: Can't you make me a man? Whoopi Goldberg: Don't you think it's too late? [Audience starts laughing hysterically] Colin Mochrie: Don't you want to feel the pleasure that only one other woman has felt? Whoopi Goldberg: Is that the one who died? Colin Mochrie: Who knew 87 orgasms could kill you? Whoopi Goldberg: Are you telling me that you've had 87 orgasms and this is what I have to look forward to? Colin Mochrie: Don't you know it's not the package? Whoopi Goldberg: Has someone lied to you? Don't you think if I could, I would with you? Colin Mochrie: Why are you fighting this? Whoopi Goldberg: Do you think I'm fighting? Colin Mochrie: Don't you know I can read your eyes? [leans in close to Whoopi] Whoopi Goldberg: [kisses Colin quickly, walks off stage after buzzer] Ryan Stiles: How's it feel to kiss a woman for a change?
	Season 4 / Episode 28: - Show No. 431 Colin Mochrie: [Greatest Hits - Songs of the Flight attendent] One of my favorite styles, as you know, because we spend a lot of time together... Ryan Stiles: Shhh, shhh... Colin Mochrie: -unnaturally almost. I, uh, I love my Metal. Ryan Stiles: Oh. Colin Mochrie: And I love the hyper-metal sounds of [shouting] THRASH! AND THEIR GREAT FLIGHT ATTENDANT SONG... [cuts to Drew, who is laughing hysterically] [cuts back to Ryan and Colin, who is still shouting loudly] 'DO YOU WANT MEAT OR FISH?'
	Season 4 / Episode 20: - Show No. 415 Drew Carey: You're not the first girl scout I've seen possessed by the devil. Ryan Stiles: Those weren't real girl scouts. They were just girls you paid to PRETEND to be girl scouts. Drew Carey: Tell your wife I said hello [pause] Let's just stop this, I love you man. Colin Mochrie: Hey come on, make fun of the bald guy! I'll be your lightening rod of hate!
	Season 4 / Episode 13: - Too Hot For Whose Line -- Show No. 418 Colin Mochrie: Sometimes I just wonder why I talk to you. Ryan Stiles: Because if you didn't, you wouldn't be talking to anyone. Colin Mochrie: That's right, and I'd still get better answers.
	Season 3 / Episode 21: - Show No. 325 Drew Carey: Give me a suggestion of two unlikely roommates. Audience Member: Bill Cosby and Hitler! Drew Carey: [laughs] Bill Cosby...Bill Cosby and Hitler. Certainly unlikely roommates. So [something happens off stage] You gotta be kidding me...come on! [Director walks to Drew's desk] Ryan Stiles: Not that Hitler. Brad Sherwood: RUDOLPH Hitler... Wayne Brady: [As Bill Cosby] Would you like some Jello Hitler? Drew Carey: [unhappily] Somebody over there. Give me an occupation. Audience Member: Insurance Salesman! Drew Carey: Insurance Salesman. The name of the 70's sitcom we will be singing about is Bill Cosby and the Insurance Salesman. [sarcastically] Fucking hilarious isn't it?
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - Show No. 215 Colin Mochrie: Would you pay over two hundred bucks for this collection? Ryan Stiles: Well, I wouldn't! Colin Mochrie: And what about those of us who only have one network show?
	Season 2 / Episode 16: - Show No. 224 Ryan Stiles: [During "Dating Service Video", wearing a hangman's noose] Guess who's well hung?
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - Show No. 211 Ryan Stiles: [Scenes From A Hat: "If Dogs Could Talk"] I've got worms where?
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Show No. 205 Brad Sherwood: [SFAH: Celebrity endorsements doomed to fail] I'm Bette Davis for anti-aging cream. Wayne Brady: I'm Mike Tyson for Encyclopaedia Brittanica. Ryan Stiles: [as Christopher Lloyd] I forgot what the hell I was sellin'! Colin Mochrie: Hi, I'm Colin Mochrie for Rogaine.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Show No. 205 Drew Carey: [after the episodes playing of Party Quirks] Was anybody else turned on by the thought of Brad Sherwood grabbin' you by the scruff of the neck and yellling 'Bad boy, bad boy?' Ryan Stiles: Drew, Drew! Wake up! Drew Carey: Oh, sorry, I was talking in my sleep. Excuse me. Brad Sherwood: You always talk in your sleep!
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Show No. 105 Ryan Stiles: [as Count Dracula in game, 'Whose Line'] When my teeth are in your neck you'll cry for me to stop like all the others! You'll say [pulls line out from pocket] 'Your fanny is a masterpiece!' [audience cheers, he rubs his butt] LOOK AT IT! Looooooooook at it! Colin Mochrie: [moving towards Ryan’s butt then pulling back] NO! I will not be tempted by the fanny of darkness!
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Show No. 106 Ryan Stiles: [Greatest Hits] Michael Jackson, a great singer and a great head coach!
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Show No. 106 Colin Mochrie: [Greatest hits of the bus driver] You know while driving on a bus, or as our Canadian friends say, a "boos", as our regular viewers know... Ryan Stiles: You made me giggle! Colin Mochrie: I know [chuckles]
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Show No. 103 Drew Carey: Ryan "Anything for a Laugh" Stiles. Ryan Stiles: That's how I got the job on the other show.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Show No. 103 Ryan Stiles: Hey, Colin. Colin Mochrie: What, Ryan? Ryan Stiles: How much money would you pay for a 2-CD set like this? Colin Mochrie: Well, I don't know. $39.00? Ryan Stiles: Unfortunately, it's $69.95. Colin Mochrie: But I was talking $39.00 in a foreign currency, which doesn't quite...
	Unknown Episode: Colin Mochrie: I need a hammer. Ryan Stiles: I knew he needed a hammer. He also needed a couple of nails and a good screw.
	Unknown Episode: Ryan Stiles: [to Colin Mochrie] Watch the Drew Carey Show Wednesdays at 9. Wait... there's more. Give the tall guy more lines.
	Unknown Episode: Ryan Stiles: There's nothing like butt toast and head eggs.
	Unknown Episode: Ryan Stiles: I don't like the Village People, think they're kinda rude. / Don't you know their lyrics can be kinda crude. / When it's on my stereo I always hit the mute, / But I'll have to admit, the Indian's kind of cute.
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like everthing else when you own a Porsche Ryan Stiles: None of us would know, Drew...
	Unknown Episode: Ryan Stiles: [Narrate-Barbershop-about Colin] I knew he wasn't here for a haircut. Though, if he was, it wasn't going to take that long.
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: [Foreign Film Dub] [speaks mock sweedish] Ryan Stiles: [translating] I love you, but I've had too many meatballs!
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: [Scenes from a hat] Bad causes to raise money for. Ryan Stiles: Give Drew Carey a third show? Anyone? Colin Mochrie: Bathe the whales!
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: [Scenes from a hat] Baby Drew's first words. Colin Mochrie: Colin's Bald! Wayne Brady: Hey Nurse, come on! Ryan Stiles: Pizza! Brad Sherwood: Show me them boobs! Come on!
	Unknown Episode: Ryan Stiles: [Body odor Hoedown] Anybody wanna have- wanna have a- go to the bathroom, come back in... [Sits down on the step] Chip Esten: [Starts Yodeling] Ryan Stiles: I'm faced out. I can't do shit. Drew Carey: I've got one. Ryan Stiles: Why don't you come over here and do one. Drew Carey: [singing through Ryan] I went on a date last night, it didn't really end well. She said she wouldn't kiss me cause I had a weird smell. I said come on baby, why don't you have a heart, sure I may have B.O. but at least I didn't fart!
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: [Scenes from a hat] Bad names for perfume Wayne Brady: I call it..."Like Ass!" Ryan Stiles: You know you're good when you're wearing "Eau Du Pork!" Colin Mochrie: [referring to an earlier game of Song Titles when he said to Ryan "Nice Pants"] "Nice Pants", the smell of courduroy.
	Unknown Episode: Drew Carey: Famous movie roles as played by Carol Channing Ryan Stiles: I know what you're thinking. Did I fire seven bullets or six? Well, to tell you the truth, with all this confusion, I actually lost count. So you've gotta ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well do you, punk? Robin Williams: Well surely you must be the son of god! Ryan Stiles: I am Spartacus!

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