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Peter Burke Quotes
 | Season 3 / Episode 16: - Judgment Day Peter Burke: You once told me you never lied to me and you never will. So I need to know something. The first time Kramer and I went after you for the Degas, how did you switch the paintings? Neal Caffrey: I snuck up to the penthouse, pulled the swap, then base-jumped off the building and landed on Wall Street. Peter Burke: [laughing it off] Fine. Don't tell me. |
| Season 3 / Episode 16: - Judgment Day Peter Burke: When did you stop putting faith in people? Agent Kramer: When they stopped deserving it. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 13: - Neighborhood Watch Peter Burke: That's a bright eyeshadow. What colour would you call that? Neal Caffrey: Kingfisher? Peter Burke: Made yourself right at home at the Stardust. Neal Caffrey: Well, when you do a rubbing at a strip club, your options are limited. Peter Burke: Oh I'm tempted to make a "rubbing at a strip club" joke. Neal Caffrey: Put it right across the plate for you. Peter Burke: You did. Neal Caffrey: Glad you're above it. Peter Burke: I am. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 12: - Upper West Side Story Neal Caffrey: Morning, Peter. Peter Burke: I see your quest for Manhattan's best brew continues. Neal Caffrey: One's for you. Peter Burke: Oh. Yankee tickets. Versus the Red Sox. Neal Caffrey: Yeah, I got 'em from Frankie Whispers. I'm not gonna use 'em. Peter Burke: They're behind home plate. Neal Caffrey: Oh? I hear that's good. Peter Burke: Uh-huh. You bought coffee, Yankee tickets. This is not your most subtle con. Neal Caffrey: Con? Peter, I am hurt that you... Peter Burke: You're trying to get back on my good side. Neal Caffrey: Is that a crime? |
| Season 3 / Episode 12: - Upper West Side Story Neal Caffrey: [seeing a prep school student in the FBI office] Did Hogwarts book a field trip? Peter Burke: Looks like it. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 11: - Checkmate Peter Burke: This is a letter from the U.S. Probation Office. "It is to inform you that a hearing has been scheduled concerning your probation. Because of your outstanding service, including recovering the treasure and catching Keller, the U.S. Probation Office is convening a hearing to discuss the commutation of your sentence." Neal Caffrey: What does that mean? Peter Burke: It means no anklet. No nothing. In three months, you could be a free man. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 9: - On the Fence Peter Burke: No dusting off, no smiling. Don't come in here with a grin on your face. Neal Caffrey: But I'm in. Peter Burke: Yeah, but the plan was for me to haul you and her in to the FBI. Neal Caffrey: I was good with that plan. Peter Burke: And yet you yelled "FBI raid". Neal Caffrey: Look, she had an artifact on her. Raquel wasn't about to turn herself in. Peter Burke: Oh, "Raquel", huh? Hmm... Neal Caffrey: What? Peter Burke: Mysterious, gorgeous, she wears a hat. She's an expert in a certain subject that you find particularly sexy. Neal Caffrey: What are you talking about? Peter Burke: Just wondering why you ditched me. Neal Caffrey: I told you, Peter, she's a thief. Peter Burke: And you are...? Neal Caffrey: Someone who escaped your capture in a crowded restaurant by saying two words: "FBI raid". Peter Burke: Don't get cocky. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 6: - Scott Free Peter Burke: [discussing their newest case] This guy's a skilled forger, safe cracker, lots of panache, and he's only twenty years old. Think we might be looking at the next Neal Caffrey. Neal Caffrey: Mm-hmm. He's a hacker. I don't hack. Peter Burke: You're right. A Neal Caffrey for the new millennia, then. Neal Caffrey: When I was twenty, I didn't get caught. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 5: - Veiled Threat Neal Caffrey: Preacher's here. Peter Burke: That was fast. Mozzie: Sorry I'm late. Peter Burke: Don't tell me he's been ordained. Neal Caffrey: Twice. Peter Burke: Tax dodge? Mozzie: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, like I pay taxes. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 1: - On Guard Peter Burke: Okay, so I rushed to judgment. Neal Caffrey: You had judgment on speed dial. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 16: - Under the Radar Peter Burke: What we have today is a chance to take down one of the most notorious white-collar criminals in New York: Vincent Adler. As you know, Adler ran a Ponzi scheme about a half a decade ago that rivaled Bernie Madoff's. |
| Season 2 / Episode 16: - Under the Radar Neal Caffrey: [trying to disarm a bomb] Beige is usually a neutral or bluff wire. Peter Burke: "Usually"? Neal Caffrey: I don't know if they bluffed with wire sixty years ago. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 15: - Power Play Neal Caffrey: I don't need a warrant to break in. Peter Burke: But this Neal Caffrey does. |
| Season 2 / Episode 15: - Power Play Brooke: [as Peter approaches] I thought we were just gonna be speaking with your husband. Elizabeth Burke: Oh, we were, but actually this is, um, Neal Caffrey. [Neal winces] Brooke: Are you an agent too? Peter Burke: [posing as Neal] No. No, I wish I was. I'm just a consultant. Brooke: So how does that work? Peter Burke: [as Neal] Actually, I'm a criminal. Brooke: A criminal? Peter Burke: [as Neal] I've made a lot of really bad life choices which landed me in prison. But now I assist the FBI. Brooke: Oh, okay, good. [starts to leave with Neal] Peter Burke: [as Neal] As a matter of fact, had it not been for Agent Burke here, I'd still be in prison. Rotting. Neal Caffrey: [posing as Peter] You're giving me way more credit than I deserve. Peter Burke: [as Neal] No, no, no, don't be modest, Peter. You caught me. Twice. And you can send me back anytime you want. |
| Season 2 / Episode 15: - Power Play Brooke: [to Neal, who is posing as Burke] Um, is there any way you and I could speak, just the two of us? Neal Caffrey: [as Peter] I know Neal seems intimidating, but he's very useful in cases like yours. [glances at Peter] In fact, I think he's the single most valuable asset we have here at the Bureau. Brooke: Please? Neal Caffrey: [considers, as Peter] On second thought, Neal [raises coffee mug] cream, no sugar. Peter Burke: [as Neal] We have agents for that. Neal Caffrey: [as Peter] I have something better. I have you. |
| Season 2 / Episode 15: - Power Play Peter Burke: Moz, the US government is Not conducting mind control experiments Mozzie: Hah! That's what they Made you think |
 | Season 2 / Episode 14: - Payback Peter Burke: When we first got married, I used to say, "I love you, honey." Then it became, "love you, honey," then "honey." Now all we need to say is, "hon." Neal Caffrey: Very efficient. |
| Season 2 / Episode 14: - Payback Diana Barrigan: Who is this guy? Peter Burke: He's an old rival of Neal's. They were bacarrat partners in Morroco. Neal Caffrey: Backgammon in Monaco. Close. And we were never partners! |
| Season 2 / Episode 14: - Payback Peter Burke: [about Keller] He's a little bit more Ratso Rizzo than Cary Grant. Neal Caffrey: I'm Cary Grant? Peter Burke: Only in comparison to Ratso Rizzo. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 13: - Countermeasures Neal Caffrey: Peter, what's up? Peter Burke: It looks like Ganz is pulling together a crew. Neal Caffrey: What kind of crew? Peter Burke: Mmm, not for rowing. Looks like muscle for hire. Neal Caffrey: He's planning another heist. Peter Burke: Yeah. I want to talk to Ford. Bring him in the office tomorrow. Neal Caffrey: No, he's smart, Peter. You won't be able to sweat it out of him. Peter Burke: You got a better idea? Neal Caffrey: How do you feel about dinner parties? Peter Burke: I hope that's a non sequitur. Neal Caffrey: I'm having dinner with Ford and June tonight. You and Elizabeth should join us. Peter Burke: You want me to bring my wife to a covert interrogation? Neal Caffrey: It's perfect. He won't suspect you're a fed. Peter Burke: Then who am I? Neal Caffrey: Coworker. Peter Burke: And what kind of cowork would that be? Neal Caffrey: I may have implied that you're not exactly a noble citizen. Peter Burke: No. Neal Caffrey: Peter... Peter Burke: I said no. Find another way. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 12: - What Happens in Burma Neal Caffrey: Peter, you just burned a perfectly good alias! Peter Burke: And you named me after my dog. Neal Caffrey: Touche. |
| Season 2 / Episode 12: - What Happens in Burma Clinton Jones: You just know these things. Neal Caffrey: Yeah, that's why they keep me around. You'd need some muscle, a cargo plane, and a few grand in bribe money just to get started. Peter Burke: You would. Neal Caffrey: And who knows what else, because I have NEVER considered stealing gems in Burma. |
| Season 2 / Episode 12: - What Happens in Burma Peter Burke: Alright, look. Obviously, there's more to the story with your dad. I don't know how badly it messed with your head. Neal Caffrey: You're right. You don't. |
| Season 2 / Episode 12: - What Happens in Burma Peter Burke: Tell me about your mother. Neal Caffrey: Not a chance. Peter Burke: C'mon. Neal Caffrey: Nope. Peter Burke: Did she wear hats? |
 | Season 2 / Episode 10: - Burke's Seven Peter Burke: Fortunately, I keep a secret key-logger on my computer. Neal Caffrey: I have never appreciated your distrust of me more. |
| Season 2 / Episode 10: - Burke's Seven Neal Caffrey: Because of your... situation... Peter Burke: You make it sound like I'm dying. |
| Season 2 / Episode 10: - Burke's Seven Elizabeth Burke: Good luck with your little con. Peter Burke: It's not a con. Neal Caffrey: Technically it is a con. Peter Burke: It's a sting. Neal Caffrey: But sting's another word for a - [Peter glares] Okay, let's start the sting. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 9: - Point Blank Mozzie: Suit, we have a code red. Peter Burke: Now is not the time, Mozzie. Mozzie: It's a dark day when I turn towards the system instead of recoiling. Peter Burke: Just spit it out. Mozzie: Remember when you asked me to tell you if Neal was gonna do something stupid? Well, I regretfully report that... he's out of his anklet. Peter Burke: Damn it! Mozzie: But that's not the stupid part. He's got a gun. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 8: - Company Man Neal Caffrey: You want to use Jessica as bait? Peter Burke: I'm meeting Kent in the afternoon. Maybe I can hint to him that she knows something. Neal Caffrey: He'll come after her. Peter Burke: And when he does, we take him down. Think she's up to it? Neal Caffrey: Well, she's certainly driven. Peter Burke: Yeah, that's what worries me. I'm not sure if she wants revenge or justice. Neal Caffrey: I can't blame her either way. Peter Burke: You have empathy for that woman. Neal Caffrey: What if I do? Peter Burke: There's a right way to do things and a wrong way. Revenge is the wrong way. It's short-sighted and it's dangerous. Neal Caffrey: What's justice, then? Peter Burke: It's restoring order, not furthering chaos. |
| Season 2 / Episode 8: - Company Man Peter Burke: What are you, a party clown? Neal Caffrey: I'm embezzling your quarter. There's a crime in progress. Solve it. |
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