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Character Bio
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Episode Screenshots
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Juan Epstein Quotes
 | Season 1 / Episode 19: - One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest Juan Epstein: Mr. Kotter, I got a note excusing my absenteeism. Gabe Kotter: [Unfolds note, begins reading] "Dear Mr. Kotter. Please excuse Juan's abs - " Aren't you gonna read along? [Epstein shakes head no] "Please excuse Juan's absence. He was home sick with the stomach flu. Sincerely, Mrs. Epstein." Fine. That's okay, Juan. Your excuse is perfectly legitimate. Juan Epstein: I know. That's the problem. It's the first legitimate excuse I've turned in in 11 years. Me, Juan Epstein, the flim-flam man of Buchanan High School, a legit excuse. What's the world comin' to? |
 | Season 1 / Episode 15: - The Sit-In Juan Epstein: [Late at night in the dark classroom] Hey, Horshack. Tell me somethin'. Do you ever think about what God is like? Arnold Horshack: Oh, yeah. I think he's short. And he has a marvelous sense of humor. And a great laugh. Vernajean Williams: Hey, God can do anything. Freddie 'Boom Boom' Washington: He can? Vernajean Williams: SHE can. You know, she sings just like Aretha Franklin. Juan Epstein: Y'know, I think God is kinda tough, y'know? But he's fair. Sorta like John Wayne in a white beard, y'know? "All right, pilgrims, move those clouds in a circle." Vinnie Barbarino: I got my own idea of what God is like. I know he's a sharp dresser. He's good lookin'. And of course he's Italian. Freddie 'Boom Boom' Washington: Yeah? Well, if you ask me, all that stuff about harps is a lot of jive. God is backed up by a jazz rhythym section. He got a piano, a bass guitar, and a drummer with a good right foot. Julie Kotter: Well, I think God is love. And if he were here, he'd love my tuna casserole. Juan Epstein: Hey, Mr. Kotter? What's your feelings on this subject? Gabe Kotter: Well, I think that, uh, God is everywhere. Arnold Horshack: Even in liver? Gabe Kotter: He's everywhere. He's in Times Square. He used to be in Ebbets Field. Spent a lot of time in Ebbets Field. He's Moonlight in Vermont, Autumn in New York, all the standards. He's everywhere... with the possible exception of Epstein's gymn locker! Go to sleep! |
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