Nancy Botwin

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Mary-Louise Parker
Southern-bred Mary-Louise Parker, from Fort Jackson, South Carolina, was born on August 2, 1964, the ...

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Nancy Botwin Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 1: - Wonderful Wonderful Nancy Botwin: [a phone call wakes her up] Hello? Rudolpho: I have your friend. Nancy Botwin: What? Who is this? What friend? Rudolpho: Your friend Celia. I have her and you pay me money or she dies. Nancy Botwin: Celia? Rudolpho: Celia Hodes! I have kidnapped her and today I chop off her ear. Nancy Botwin: How Van Gogh. Rudolpho: What? You send me $40,000 or I'll do it! Nancy Botwin: That's too early for this, we're really not friends. Rudolpho: Okay, $30,000...
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Excellent Treasures Celia Hodes: What's in the hole? Nancy Botwin: Mexico. Celia Hodes: [gasps] Nancy Botwin: You must never go there.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - He Taught Me How to Drive By Two-Strikes: I remember when he was just a wanna-be. We popped our car jacking cherries together. Nancy Botwin: He taught me how to drive by.
	Season 3 / Episode 6: - Grasshopper Nancy Botwin: Wash your hands. All I need now is for the boys to eat heroin-eggs for breakfast. Andy Botwin: Right. Cause' then they'd want them every day.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - The Brick Dance Nancy Botwin: [having just heard from Doug that he was having an affair with Celia] Celia? Doug Wilson: The cock wants what it wants.
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Must Find Toes Nancy Botwin: Is he gonna be okay? Dr. Bertner: Is he a dancer, professional athlete or foot model? Nancy Botwin: None of the above. Dr. Bertner: He should lead a normal life. Nancy Botwin: Well, I wouldn't go that far. Dr. Bertner: You know, if you'd brought in the toes, we might have been able to reattach them. Andy Botwin: [on morphine] Must find toes. Nancy Botwin: Oh, Conrad, well - where are the toes? Conrad Shepard: The dog ate 'em. Nancy Botwin: The dog ate 'em. Dr. Bertner: Well that's that. Nancy Botwin: When's he gonna be able to go home? Dr. Bertner: He have insurance? Nancy Botwin: Oh, no. Dr. Bertner: He can go home now.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Mrs. Botwin's Neighborhood Silas Botwin: Why do you have a home pregnancy test? Nancy Botwin: D-do you want me to kill you?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Mrs. Botwin's Neighborhood Nancy Botwin: [about Megan being pregnant] How did this happen? Silas Botwin: You don't wanna hear it. Nancy Botwin: Oh, but I really do. Silas Botwin: If I had to bet on it, I'd say it was three weeks ago in my room. Doggy style. When I pulled out the condom was gone. Megan has really strong muscles, must've sucked the thing right off. Nancy Botwin: Ah-ahh. Stop, stop, stop. Silas Botwin: You asked. You want to be the cool Mom. Nancy Botwin: No. No, I don't. There are a million things in this world I want to be. 'Cool Mom,' nowhere on that list. Silas Botwin: [Megan shows her the pregnancy test; positive] Well, I hope Grandma's on that list.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Mrs. Botwin's Neighborhood Celia Hodes: ...If you can't make time for the pressing problems of greater Agrestic... Nancy Botwin: That's exactly it - I can't make time. I've got problems at home.[starts for the door] Celia Hodes: [with a concerned look on her face, Celia follows] Really? Do you wanna' talk about it? Nancy Botwin: I don't wanna' talk about it. i just wanna' go home. Celia Hodes: Ya' know, I tell you about my husband's unemployment, my daughter being the face of America's trans fat...so...tell me what's going on with you? Please? Nancy... Nancy Botwin: [not wanting to hurt her feelings] ...Celia... Celia Hodes: Aren't we friends? Nancy Botwin: I just wanna' go! Celia Hodes: [disappointed] You can't even say it. You don't want to be my friend! Nancy Botwin: [gestures toward Celia] Everything is not about you, Celia! Nancy Botwin: [turns around totally shocked, yells] What the fuck are you doing?? Celia Hodes: [grabbing Nancy's hair again with a desparate look on her face] Be my friend! Nancy Botwin: Oww!! Let go of my fucking hair... Celia Hodes: Be my friend!!! Nancy Botwin: [nearly frantic] Let go of my fucking hairrrr! Celia Hodes: [just as frantic] Be my Goddamned motherfucking friendddd!!!!! Nancy Botwin: Owwww!!![when Celia finally lets go, Nancy quickly gets to the front door] Your insane! Celia Hodes: [lowering her voice as she repeats] Selfish! Selfish! Selfish! Pam: [in the cheeriest voice imaginable] You two are just like sisters!
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Last Tango In Agrestic Nancy Botwin: What if this is just all an act you put on to nail dealers... Peter Scottson: ...Take them to dinner and profess my love? That's how I took down the Santiago brothers.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Last Tango In Agrestic Nancy Botwin: Talk to Shane about jerking off. Andy Botwin: I'm all over it!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Corn Snake Nancy Botwin: Heylia, Conrads talking to me. and he's not supposed to.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Corn Snake Nancy Botwin: We're gonna be a family if I have to kill all of you!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Corn Snake Peter Scottson: Checking for monsters? Nancy Botwin: What? Oh, no. I can't find my shoe... sandal, it's a sandal. Peter Scottson: So I'm guessing no breakfast Nancy Botwin: No, I'm not really a breakfast person. I have to have coffee in the morning, but after that I'm good till lunch, usually. Sometimes I have a bagel arround 10:30.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Corn Snake Silas Botwin: You didn't tell me she couldn't sleep over. C'mon, Nancy. Nancy Botwin: [irritated] Stop calling me Nancy! My name is Mom. Or 'Mommy Dearest'...
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - The Punishment Light Shane Botwin: [while Peter and Nancy hum the UM theme] We visited my dad's grave today. Peter: [stops] Oh. I-- Shane Botwin: You married? Peter: Uh. No. Shane Botwin: Why not? Peter: It's...complicated. Shane Botwin: Are you a fag? Nancy Botwin: Shane! Shane Botwin: What? It was just a question.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Higher Education Nancy Botwin: Holy crap! What the... What is this? Who would do this? Pennies? Sanjay: This is cold. Nancy Botwin: Cold? Try evil and fucked up! Sanjay: It's a commuter college, there's a lot of displaced anger here. Nancy Botwin: Displaced on my car! FUCKING COMMUNITY COLLEGE LOSERS! Sanjay: Hey, it's a state school. Nancy Botwin: Shut up.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Dead In The Nethers Celia Hodes: Who's the hottie? Nancy Botwin: My carpenter, Conrad. Conrad, this is Celia. Celia Hodes: Hello, carpenter. Do you want to see something? [Celia begins to lower her shirt revealing her tattoo] Nancy Botwin: Celia, you have to stop flashing your boobs to the world - Conrad Shepard: Oh, speak when spoken to.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Lude Awakening Celia Hodes: [about her upcoming mastectomy] I'm really gonna miss my babies. We had some good times together. Nancy Botwin: After reconstructive surgery, you're gonna feel good as new - better! You're gonna have the tits of a nineteen-year-old girl. Celia Hodes: I was thinking of going bigger. Nancy Botwin: Bigger? Celia Hodes: Really big. Like freakshow big. 47-triple-Fs. SO large that other, smaller breasts will want to orbit them.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Lude Awakening Nancy Botwin: Andy, today, it was brought to my attention today that the downside of this business is death, so right now, I'm not thinking about the bakery. I'm thinking about enrolling in dental hygeine school so my children aren't orphans. Andy Botwin: If anything happens to you, I will raise Silas and Shane as my own. Nancy Botwin: [laughs] Now I pledge never to die.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Lude Awakening Erma the Faith Healer: Would you like me to smell you next? Nancy Botwin: No, thank you, I was... smelled yesterday.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Lude Awakening Celia Hodes: I was thinking of going bigger. Nancy Botwin: Bigger? Celia Hodes: Really big, like freak show big: 47 triple F's. So large that other smaller breasts will want to orbit them.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - You Can't Miss The Bear Nancy Botwin: You know the rules.. Josh Wilson: One of your own kind, deal to your own kind. I'm putting the love in the glove.
	Unknown Episode: Conrad Shepard: You calling black people stupid? Nancy Botwin: And lazy... and they also steal. Heylia James: Yeah, but we sings and we dances real good.
	Unknown Episode: Nancy Botwin: Hey, that bag looks a little small. Conrad Shepard: You never question Heylia's eyeballing. That's the rainman of weed right there.
	Unknown Episode: Nancy Botwin: People got stoned for The Passion of the Christ? That's disturbing. Josh Wilson: It's not as disturbing as seeing it not stoned. Religion my ass, it's a straight-up snuff film.
	Unknown Episode: Nancy Botwin: You listen, you stay away from my customer base, you don't deal to kids. Josh Wilson: They're too young to bleed, they're too young for weed, no grass on the field no grass will they yield. Nancy Botwin: You're a poet. Josh Wilson: You know it.
	Unknown Episode: Nancy Botwin: Foul! Ref, what's the matter with your whistle? Celia Hodes: Well, technically, Nancy, Ref can't call a foul. Shane was kicked by his own teammates.
	Unknown Episode: Nancy Botwin: You promised me no kids. Josh Wilson: Yeah, but they all want it, and they cry if you say no.
	Unknown Episode: Nancy Botwin: Nice, Shane goes on a paint rampage, gets suspended. The two of you ditch school to fuck in my guest room. I've got everything under control. Quinn: But don't you see, technically we're not under your roof.

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