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 | Season 1 / Episode 22: - Kevin Burke's Day Off Jennifer Dilber: Wow, Courtney. Your hair looks really amazing today. Courtney Collins: As opposed to... when? Jennifer Dilber: Um... as opposed to yesterday when it looked merely fabulous. |
| Season 1 / Episode 20: - When a Man Leaves a Woman Carrie: [about Mary-Kate's homing pigeon that never returned] I cannot believe the bird just... flew away! Eddie Fairbanks: Yeah, birds flying... go figure. |
| Season 1 / Episode 19: - The Odd Couples Carrie Moore: Wait, it's too early, we can't go yet. Matt Burke: Why not? Carrie Moore: Kevin gave me this self-righteous speech about how I shouldn't date you. If we go home now, he'll know he was right. Matt Burke: I got the exact same speech. That's why I asked you out. Carrie Moore: You mean the only reason we're both here is to show up Kevin? Matt Burke: That's why I'm here. That and because "JAG" is a re-run tonight. |
| Season 1 / Episode 19: - The Odd Couples Ashley Burke: Tell you what: let me put that on "Pause" for a second. [takes away Jared's Game Boy and throws it aside] Jared: Hey! Ashley Burke: Hey nothing! Now listen up 'cause I'm only gonna say this once! This marriage is failing because we're not communicating! Jared: [stands up] Hey, you can't - Ashley Burke: Sit down! [pushes him back into the chair] I am *not* through communicating! We are going to make this marriage work, or I am going to hurt you! Jared: [giving in] Okay, okay. Ashley Burke: [calmly but firmly] Now we have $800 left and we are going to decide *together* what to do with it. [settles down to work] Jared: [comes to sit beside her] You know, Ashley... you're kinda sexy when you get all mad. Wanna go see a movie sometime? Ashley Burke: [looks at him incredulously] Oh save it, mister. Let's get through this marriage and *then* we can talk about dating. |
| Season 1 / Episode 18: - Welcome Matt Ashley Burke: Oh my God, I look like Grandma! |
| Season 1 / Episode 17: - Mr. Right Under Your Nose Nancy Carlson: How many other romantic, single guys are there out there? Carrie Moore: Two, but they're dating each other. |
| Season 1 / Episode 17: - Mr. Right Under Your Nose Ashley Burke: This was my only campaign promise. Do you know what this means? Mary-Kate Burke: Yeah. You did what any politician would do. You lied. |
| Season 1 / Episode 16: - Carrie Moves In Carrie Moore: [excited] You'll never have to look for a babysitter because I will always be around! So what's the problem? Kevin Burke: You'll always be around. |
| Season 1 / Episode 13: - Split Decision Ashley Burke: Being a twin bites monkeys! Mary-Kate Burke: It's not exactly a bed of roses for me either sweetie! |
| Season 1 / Episode 13: - Split Decision Eddie Fairbanks: So, I hear you're dating Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Carrie: [gapes at Kevin] You told Mr. Sensitivity about my personal life? Kevin Burke: Hey, it was my personal life first. |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Let's Dance Jeremy: Mary-Kate, you know how I said I can swing dance. Well, I can't. The truth is I can't dance. Mary-Kate Burke: Then why did you say that you were good swing dancer? Jeremy: Well, 'cause most people can. Some kids find it pretty easy. Mary-Kate Burke: Well, I didn't until 3 days ago. Jeremy: You mean, you learned swing dancing, 'cause of me? Mary-Kate Burke: Maybe. Jeremy: Wow. You know, slow dancing doesn't look so hard. Do you think you could teach me how to do that? Mary-Kate Burke: I can try, come on. |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Let's Dance Carrie Moore: I excel at Excel. I am the boss of Dos, I'm the belle of Intel. Kevin Burke: And apparently a big fan of Dr. Seuss. |
| Season 1 / Episode 12: - Let's Dance Carrie Moore: So, Jeremy is the first boy you've really liked. That's exciting. Mary-Kate Burke: Yeah, I guess. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything. Carrie Moore: Ah, I understand completely. Carrie Moore: [sees her and smiles] Still thinkin' about him? Mary-Kate Burke: [breaks down] Oh, he's just so cute! |
| Season 1 / Episode 11: - A Very Carrie Christmas Carrie Moore: So Mary-Kate what are you doing for your project? Mary-Kate Burke: How should I know, its not do until next week. |
| Season 1 / Episode 10: - Peeping Twins Mary-Kate Burke: [after seeing the neighbor Ashley claimed she saw get murdered] Mr. Filmore looks pretty good for someone who was sliced up and stuffed into a garbage can! |
| Season 1 / Episode 8: - You've Got a Friend Nicole: Hi Ashley! Mary-Kate Burke: She's Ashley. I'm Mary-Kate. The one with the gaping head wound. |
| Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Heartbreak Kid Kevin Burke: But ... Carrie: No buts. Kevin Burke: Good Carrie: However... However is not but. |
| Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Heartbreak Kid Carrie: I can't believe the bird just... flew away! Eddie Fairbanks: Yeah, birds flyin'. Go figure. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Breaking Them Up is Hard to Do Marci: Oh, hey, who's that? Ashley Burke: Carrie? Oh, she's just... Mary-Kate Burke: Another one of dad's girlfriends! Marci: Oh... your dad has other girlfriends? Ashley Burke: Yeah, but don't worry. I think he likes you the best. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Breaking Them Up is Hard to Do Marci: So... your sister's not feelin' too well, huh? Mary-Kate Burke: Who cares? Ashley's always sick. She loves the attention. She's dad's favorite, you know? Marci: Oh, I bet that's not true. Mary-Kate Burke: Oh, believe me! He's always running out to get stuff for her. But he won't even pick me up a pack of cigarettes. You don't have a smoke on you, do you? Marci: Me... uh... no, I don't. I don't smoke. And I don't think that you should either. Mary-Kate Burke: Tell me about it. I'm thinking of getting the patch. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Breaking Them Up is Hard to Do Kevin Burke: Where are you going? Marci: Home. Just met Carrie. Kevin Burke: Oh, Carrie's here? Marci: Yeah, she's putting the girls to bed! Kevin Burke: Did she say something to offend you? Marci: What offends me is that you never mentioned her. Kevin Burke: Well, there's not much to tell. I needed someone, I took out an ad and Carrie. I mean it was just a coincidence that she's a student of mine. Marci: She's your student? Kevin Burke: Yeah, and whenever she's too busy with her studies I call Mrs. Baker. Marci: Who's Mrs. Baker? Kevin Burke: My, my neighbor from across the street. Of course, she 72, so she's not as much fun as Carrie, but she still gets the job done. Marci: [Gaping] Oh! This is the most depraved thing I've ever heard. Kevin Burke: I'm sorry, what? Marci: Well, it's bad enough you're juggling more than on woman, but one of your students and a senior citizen it like... Oh, oh, oh! I hope you choke on that dinner, which by the way, I did not make. [goes to leave] Kevin Burke: What are you talking about? Carrie is the girls' babysitter. Marci: She's a babysitter? Your daughter told me she was one of your girlfriends. Kevin Burke: Which daughter? Marci: I don't know. The one who smokes. Kevin Burke: [Looking very confused] Ok, apparantly my daughters are up to something. I have a feeling it's about me dating. Why don't you stay here? Uh, I'll be right back. Marci: I made part of it. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Breaking Them Up is Hard to Do Kevin Burke: Where are you going? Marci: Home, just met Carrie. Kevin Burke: Oh, Carrie's here? Marci: Yeah, she's putting the girls to bed! Kevin Burke: Did she say something to offend you? Marci: What offends me is that you never mentioned her. Kevin Burke: Well, there's not much to tell. I needed someone, Carrie was there, so I hired her. I mean it's just a coincidence that she's a student of mine. Marci: She's your student? Marci: Yeah, and whenever she's busy with her studies, I call Mrs. Baker. Marci: Who's Mrs. Baker? Marci: My - My neighbor. Of course she's 72, so she's not as fun as Carrie but she still gets the job done. Marci: [Gaping] Oh, this is the most depraved thing I ever heard! Kevin Burke: I'm sorry, what? Marci: Well, it's bad enough that you're juggling more than one woman, but one of your students and a senior citizen. It's like uh, uh, uh! I hope you choke on that dinner, which by the way I did not make. Kevin Burke: What are you talking about? Carrie's the girls' babysittter. Marci: She's their babysitter? You're daughter told me she was one of your girlfriends. Kevin Burke: Which daughter? Marci: I don't know, the one that smokes. Kevin Burke: [Looking confused] Ok, apparantly my daughters are up to something. I have a feeling it's about me dating. Here, why don't sit down. [Marci sits on the couch] Uh, I'll be right back. Marci: I made part of it. |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Breaking Them Up is Hard to Do Carrie: Oh, hi, you just missed Marci. Ashley Burke: Yeah, she left in kind of a hurry. Kevin Burke: Actually, she's still downstairs. Ashley Burke: Uh-oh. Mary-Kate Burke: I think I'm catching what Ashley's got. Carrie: What's going on? Kevin Burke: Well, first of all, Ashley's not sick and these two told Marci that you were my girlfriend. Carrie: What? Why would you do that? Ashley Burke: Well, we were trying to break Dad and Marci up. Mary-Kate Burke: Yeah, Carrie, we don't want to lose you. Kevin Burke: Why would you lose Carrie? Mary-Kate Burke: Because she said if things kept with between you and Marci, she'd be out of a job. Carrie: Well, that was a joke. I didn't mean that. Ashley Burke: Well, we thought you did and we liked the way things are. Mary-Kate Burke: Yeah, you're the best babysitter we've ever had. Ashley Burke: You're like family. Carrie: So you would lie to that poor woman just to keep me around? That is so sweet. [sobers after Kevin gives her a look] I mean it's wrong. Of course. But it's still very sweet. I ... Kevin Burke: Carrie? Carrie: Oh, why don't I give you guys some privacy. Oh! |
| Season 1 / Episode 5: - Breaking Them Up is Hard to Do Carrie: Wow, Kevin's really hitting it off with Marci. [jokingly] If this keeps up I might be out of a job! Mary-Kate Burke: [thinks Carrie is serious about losing her babysitting job] We can't lose Carrie! She's like having a big sister! Brian: And she's real easy on the eyes, too! |
| Season 1 / Episode 4: - First Crush Carrie: Oh, Pig Wheels I got a set of those on mine. |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Prelude to a Kiss Mary-Kate Burke: It's a sleep over. Wait till someone falls alseep, duct tape them to the floor, and tell them the house is on fire. |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Prelude to a Kiss Mary-Kate Burke: Bye Ashley. See your Porky! Ashley Burke: Its Pokey! |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Prelude to a Kiss Brian: Stealing your sisters boyfriend, I am very disappointed in you Mary-Kate. |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Prelude to a Kiss Carrie Moore: Oh a leg man! Kevin Burke: Okay I'm a leg man, your a chin woman! |
| Season 1 / Episode 3: - Prelude to a Kiss Ashley Burke: Your my sister and my best friend. And no boy can ever change that. You know what I mean? Mary-Kate? Mary-Kate? Mary-Kate Burke: [sleeping and snoring] |
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