9x04 Nine Magic Fingers

Baker: Well hello, little girl.
Berta: Hi, big daddy. You get everything?
Baker: Hell yeah. Beer, bucket of drumsticks, and nine magic fingers!
Berta: Let's go! [both Berta and Baker start for the bedroom]
Walden Schmidt: Uh, Berta? What's going on?
Berta: What's it look like? I'm going to get drunk, eat some chicken, and rock this old man's world!
Walden Schmidt: [to himself] I've got ten fingers and a billion dollars, and this guy's getting more action than me!

Walden Schmidt: [to Alan] Forget it! I'm not going to a bar!
Baker: Hey, sling! Where do you keep the plunger?
Walden Schmidt: I am going to a bar.

Alan Harper: We had to sell the house in Malibu.
Lyndsey: So where are you living?
Alan Harper: The house in Malibu.
Lyndsey: Wait, what?
Alan Harper: Oh, it's actually a funny story. Uh, the fellow who bought it is actually an incredibly rich internet guy who went through a bad divorce, and he's lonely and needs a friend, so he asked me to stick around for a while.
Lyndsey: What's the funny part?
Alan Harper: He actually thinks I'm gonna leave someday.