Ianto Jones

Torchwood (UK)

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Played by:

Gareth David-Lloyd

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Ianto Jones Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Children of Earth (2) Ianto Jones: He pushed me too hard. He always did. Rhiannon Davies: You should've held on tighter.
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - Fragments Ianto Jones: [Trying to catch a pterodactyl] What exactly is your plan? Captain Jack Harkness: I'm going to be the decoy. Ianto Jones: And it will rip you to shreds. Captain Jack Harkness: Dinosaurs? Had 'em for breakfast. Had to. Only source of pre-cooked food protein after the asteroid crashed. Long story.
	Season 2 / Episode 11: - Adrift Captain Jack Harkness: Too bad you weren't here a hour ago; we could have used you for naked hide and seek. Ianto Jones: [smirks] He cheats, he always cheats.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Something Borrowed Ianto Jones: That's what I love about Torchwood. By day, chasing the scum of the universe; come midnight, you're the wedding fairy.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - A Day in the Death (3) Ianto Jones: You okay? Owen Harper: What do you think? Bet you're loving this, aren't you? It's like you've finally won. Ianto Jones: Didn't realize we were in a competition. Owen Harper: Oh, come on. Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to, and now you're always out on missions, you're shagging Jack, and I'm stuck here makin' the coffee! Ianto Jones: It's not like that. Me and Jack. Owen Harper: [bitterly] Yeah, yeah. You an' Jack. Gwen's gettin' married, Martha's got her bloke; God, even Tosh 'ad Tommy. This is really shit! Ianto Jones: We've all gone through shit. I've seen you, dissecting them corpses. I've seen you save so many lives. You really gonna let this beat you?
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Dead Man Walking (2) Ianto Jones: I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Dead Man Walking (2) Ianto Jones: I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger will know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Reset (1) Martha Jones: So, Jack asked me if I could get you a UNIT cap to wear. Ianto Jones: Did he? Well, red is my color. Martha Jones: So, am I right in thinking that you and he... Ianto Jones: We... dabble. Martha Jones: Yeah? Ianto Jones: Yeah. Martha Jones: So what's his "dabbling" like? Ianto Jones: Innovative. Martha Jones: Really! Ianto Jones: Bordering on the avant-garde. Martha Jones: Wow. Ianto Jones: Oh yeah. [Ianto smiles a little distantly]
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Adam Captain Jack Harkness: Found your diary. Ianto Jones: Oh, yeah, I've been looking for that... [starts to walk away] Captain Jack Harkness: And for the record: measuring tapes never lie. Ianto Jones: [silently] Fuck.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Meat Owen Harper: So the protein chains are regenerating despite the mutilation, so not only is it replenishing its own flesh, but it's increasing it, giving them a brand new meat supply. Gwen Cooper: It will last them for years, then Toshiko Sato: If we understood how it worked, we could feed the whole world! Ianto Jones: [deadpan] We could release a single!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Meat Ianto Jones: Pray they survive.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Meat Captain Jack Harkness: Before we get ahead of ourselves, we're talking about dodgy pies in Merthyr, okay? And the fact that they're cutting it up alive - which we could've put a stop to already if it wasn't for you. Rhys Williams: I thought that my fiancée was in danger! Captain Jack Harkness: Well, Mr. Caveman, she wasn't. She can handle herself. Gwen Cooper: [warningly] Jack. Captain Jack Harkness: All you did tonight was mess things up. Now we have to think of a way to get back in, and thanks to you, they'll have tightened security! Rhys Williams: Well, if you stopped, and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showin' off 'round the place... Captain Jack Harkness: [to Ianto] Do I show off? Ianto Jones: [nods] Just a bit. Rhys Williams: - You'd know that I got out by tellin' them I wanted a job - as a delivery boy. So rather than 'cock things up', I found you a way to get in, but if you can't handle that, big boy, then you can stuff it! Captain Jack Harkness: [pause, looks at Gwen] This is quite homoerotic.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Meat Captain Jack Harkness: [talking about the alien] We're going to save it. Stabilize it, wait for the rift to open, and, fwooh, send it back. Ianto Jones: ...And guess who'll have to look after it in the meantime? Captain Jack Harkness: We are doing this. That's an order. Owen Harper: Fine. Ianto Jones: I'll stock up on plankton.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Meat Ianto Jones: Did you bring the alarm deactivator? Ianto Jones: [Owen shoots the alarm panel] Well that's one way of doing it.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - To the Last Man Captain Jack Harkness: This time tomorrow he'll be back in 1918. Ianto Jones: In his own time. Would you go back to yours if you could? Captain Jack Harkness: Why? Would you miss me? Ianto Jones: Yep. Captain Jack Harkness: I left home a long time ago. Don't really know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn't matter anymore. Ianto Jones: I... know you get lonely. Captain Jack Harkness: Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Beth: [to Jack] Will it hurt? Captain Jack Harkness: Yes. Beth: Your bedside manner's rubbish. Gwen Cooper: You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious!... apparently. So I've heard. Ianto Jones: Oh they are. I remember this one time... Captain Jack Harkness: [clears throat forcefully]
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Ianto Jones: It's all over. Owen Harper: [pauses] Let's all have sex. Ianto Jones: [deadpan] And I thought the End of the World couldn't get any worse.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Ianto Jones: They know more about this place than I do. [bangs fist on table] Nobody knows more than I do!
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Owen Harper: How d'you know all that? Ianto Jones: I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Ianto Jones: Just us... in this room... for as long as it takes. Terrifying. Captain Jack Harkness: Really? Ianto Jones: Absolutely. Shivers down my spine. Captain Jack Harkness: You don't look scared. Ianto Jones: Well, it... passed. [Jack raises fist in a mock threatening manner and growls]
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Toshiko Sato: [as Captain Jack takes an alien artifact out of a box] You said we weren't allowed to use that again. Captain Jack Harkness: It's just a mind probe. Ianto Jones: Remember what happened the last time you used it? Captain Jack Harkness: That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure. Ianto Jones: All right, their heads must explode all the time. Gwen Cooper: Jack, we can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her. Captain Jack Harkness: I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is. Toshiko Sato: Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble. Ianto Jones: Or the first sign of exploding.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Ianto Jones: We don't sniff the sub-etheric resonator!
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Captain Jack Harkness: Have a little faith. With a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail? Ianto Jones: He is dashing. You have to give him that.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sleeper Toshiko Sato: No, I can't just hook something up! The entire telephone network is down. Owen Harper: What about a mobile connection? Toshiko Sato: [slowly] The. Entire. Telephone. Network. Is down! Ianto Jones: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutely everything: no phones, phones all broken. Ianto Jones: Hello? Anyone there? No! Cause the phones aren't working!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Gwen Cooper: Can you deal with the body when it's cold? Ianto Jones: My pleasure, unless you'll be making sushi.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Captain Jack Harkness: How are you, Ianto? Ianto Jones: All the better for having you back, sir. Captain Jack Harkness: Could we maybe drop the "sir" now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking. Maybe we could, you know, when this is all done: dinner, a movie... Ianto Jones: Are you asking me out on a date? Captain Jack Harkness: Interested? Ianto Jones: [scoffs] Well, as long as it's, not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself...
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Captain Jack Harkness: Oh yeah, loving that 'officey' feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic: office romances, photocopying your butt. Well, maybe not your butt, although, as we're here, why don't we photo... Ianto Jones: [interrupting] The rift was active at these co-ordinates approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor, or the roof.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Gwen Cooper: You left us, Jack! Captain Jack Harkness: [sigh] I know, I'm sorry. Gwen Cooper: We knew nothing, Jack! Toshiko Sato: Where were you? Captain Jack Harkness: [smiles] I found my Doctor. Owen Harper: Did he fix you? Captain Jack Harkness: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection. Ianto Jones: [softly] Are you going back to him? Captain Jack Harkness: I came back for you. [pause] All of you.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Ianto Jones: [about Jack's WristComm] Woah, that never beeps. Captain Jack Harkness: That's what I was thinking. Captain John Hart: [via Hologram] I can't believe I got the answering machine. What can you be doing that's more important than me? Anyway, you've probably traced the energy shift, found the body - all me. Sorry about the mess, bill me for the clean up. Now, Drinks! Retrolog the transmission coordinates, that's where I am. And hurry up, work to do. Captain John Hart: "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Captain Jack Harkness: Looks like we're going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant-pot. Ianto Jones: Right, OK. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited. You take the roof, you're good on roofs. Ianto Jones: Jack? Why are we helping him? Captain Jack Harkness: He's a reminder of my past, I want him gone. Captain Jack Harkness: By the way, was that a yes? Ianto Jones: Yes, yes...

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