Top Gear (UK)

AKA "Captain Slow"

Aside from being a proper grown-up car journalist, James is also an accomplished pianist and a qualified pilot. When he joined the team in 2003, he brought a thoughtful new element to the show, along with his sensitive hair and an exciting range of brightly coloured jumpers. James has since earned himself the somewhat unfair nickname 'Captain Slow'. This is basically because, unlike Jeremy and Richard, he doesn't drive everywhere like his trousers are full of wasps.

James has a very bipolar taste in cars. He loves either very large enormously luxurious land-yachts, or cheap and tiny superminis. This is evidenced by his own driveway, which contains both a Rolls-Royce and a Fiat Panda. In fairness, he does also own a Porsche Boxster. But thanks to the specially-requested fitment of brown roof, brown seats and brown steering wheel, driving it is a bit like sitting in a giant Hushpuppy loafer. This is strangely fitting.