Three's Company Quotes

Three's Company

- Episode Quotes

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Three's Company Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 9: - The Not-So-Great Imposter Jack Tripper: [a girl has just given jack a few judo flips around the kitchen] Felipe? Why didn't you help out? Felipe Gomez: She didn't need no help.
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - A Hundred Dollars a What? Janet Wood Dawson: Darlene is a $100 a night call girl! Jack Tripper: Janet, don't you see I'm talking to my mother! Janet Wood Dawson: But I thought she was Miss Einstein! Jack Tripper: So... she's a smart call girl!
	Season 4 / Episode 18: - Handcuffed Ralph Furley: [seeing the handcuffs Jack and Chrissy are wearing] This is a clean, family building... I won't put up with anything kinky!
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Chrissy's Hospitality Jack Tripper: [Mr. Furley is standing outside the bathroom and eavesdropping while Jack and Chrissy are installing a shower curtain] Okay, Chrissy, I'll get in the tub with you, then we can get it on. Chrissy: Get next to me, I'll show you what to do. Jack Tripper: This isn't exactly the first time I've ever done this. Chrissy: Maybe so, but girls are better at this than boys. Jack Tripper: Come on, Chrissy. A little less talk and a little more action, okay? Chrissy: Okay, you do your part and I'll do mine. I don't think it'll reach! Jack Tripper: Of course not, you've got to unfold it first!
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Snow Job Larry: Girls, why don't you come up to my apartment? I think I have something you can put on. Lulu: Like what? Larry: Like a Mantovani record!
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Love Thy Neighbor Captain: Monsieur, what is this? Jack Tripper: Uh... uh... Jack a-la carte!
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Love Thy Neighbor Chrissy: Jack, I have a two-part question... Why? Jack Tripper: How is that a two-part question? Chrissy: [turning to Janet] We both want to know!
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Love Thy Neighbor Larry: You see, Chrissy, we men need proof we're lovable and desirable too. If we didn't... well, you see what it's done to Jack. Chrissy: Oh, yeah. Do you know he actually let that woman pay his way last night? Larry: No! I never thought he'd stoop so low! Chrissy: He stooped all the way down to the floor! He thought the roast beef would hide him but it rolled away!
	Season 4 / Episode 2: - Love Thy Neighbor Captain: A cocktail before you dine? Janet Wood Dawson: Oh, thank you! Janet Wood Dawson: I believe I'll have some water. Chrissy: [eyes bugging out at the menu prices] Me, too. Captain: Of course. Would you care for the imported Rumanian, the Mountain Clear or the Gillian Sparkling? Chrissy: I'd like Santa Monica tap!
	Season 3 / Episode 20: - An Anniversary Surprise Chrissy: Well, Mrs. Roper, see, the world is made up of two kinds of people, twos and ones. Sometimes two ones become a two, and other times one of the ones of the two gets tired of being a two and wants to become a one again, not that the other one of the two isn't a nice one, it's just that two ones can't be a two without the one. See?
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - The Kleptomaniac Helen Roper: [Mrs. Roper asks Chrissy if she can borrow some money to pay for her U.P.S. delivery. Chrissy is short a few dollars and offers Mrs. Roper an I.O.U] Chrissy, you can't give an I.O.U. to the U.P.S. for a C.O.D.! They might call the F.B.I.! [She then laughs as Chrissy looks stupified]
	Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Crush Chrissy: When I was your age I was 13 too.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Man About the House Stanley Roper: Look at that crack in the ceiling. You know that party caused that. Helen Roper: The party didn't cause that. Stanley Roper: Oh yah. Then what did? Helen Roper: It was the earthquake last year. Oh it was exciting. Stanley Roper: Exciting? Helen Roper: Yah, it was the first time our bed moved in years.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Man About the House Chrissy: This breakfast is good enough to eat.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Man About the House Jack Tripper: I'm hoping to open up a little restaurant for people who can really appreciate high prices.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Man About the House Stanley Roper: You know, Helen, you've got enough mouth for three lips!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Man About the House Stanley Roper: I wonder what game's going on up there. Helen Roper: Oh, probably something delightfully kinky that only three can play.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - A Man About the House Stanley Roper: You know, it's a shame you don't live in India. You'd be sacred there.
	Unknown Episode: Chrissy: Eat your salad before it gets cold.
	Unknown Episode: Chrissy: You know, if women ran the world there'd be none of these stupid wars! Stanley Roper: Yeah, all the countries would nag each other to death!
	Unknown Episode: Stanley Roper: I came up to shampoo your rug. Chrissy: Why? Does it have dandruff?
	Unknown Episode: Stanley Roper: Not in my building! Jack Tripper: I swear, it will be completely platonic. Stanley Roper: What's that mean? Helen Roper: Like you and me, Stanley.
	Unknown Episode: Jack Tripper: Why did she call me a rat? Janet Wood Dawson: Because you're a pig!
	Unknown Episode: Stanley Roper: What's the cake for? Helen Roper: We're celebrating. Stanley Roper: Celebrating what? Helen Roper: The tenth anniversary of my spring outfit.
	Unknown Episode: Cindy Snow: If my man was cheating on me I'd break every bone in his body! Jack Tripper: You'll do that on your wedding night.
	Unknown Episode: Jack Tripper: Is something burning? Janet Wood Dawson: Oh NO! I left my underwear in the oven. Chrissy: Too bad hot pants are not in style.
	Unknown Episode: Stanley Roper: I bet this cot told some great stories. Mrs. Roper: I wish ours could.
	Unknown Episode: Mrs. Roper: Well, better get rid of the old set anyway. Stanley Roper: Set what set? Mrs. Roper: An old stove, and old husband, and they both take too long to heat up.
	Unknown Episode: Jack Tripper: I have two surprises for you two girls. Chrissy: Oh, I love surprises. It's funny that you never suspect them!
	Unknown Episode: Janet Wood Dawson: Chrissy, your dad is a minister, what does he usually say to couples in trouble? Chrissy: He tells them to keep the baby.

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