The Young Ones (UK) Quotes

The Young Ones (UK)

- Episode Quotes

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The Young Ones (UK) Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Summer Holiday Rick: What's the difference? There'll be plenty of chicks for these tigers on the road to the promised land. This is it. It's really happening. Who needs qualifications? Who cares about Thatcher and unemployment? We can do just exactly whatever we want to do. And you know why? Because we're Young Ones. Bachelor boys. Crazy, mad, wild-eyed, big-bottomed anarchists.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Summer Holiday Vyvyan: Do you think ants go to discos? Mike: Vyvyan, it is proved that ants are highly intelligent, with a well-ordered society. The last thing they'd go to would be discos.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Summer Holiday Mike: Neil, it's very rare that you interest me but today you have. Why do you keep coming down here with a cake and saying surprise? Neil: It's my birthday. Mike: Now you knew that anyway and we don't care, so where's the surprise? Neil: Well, I baked a cake. Mike: A cake. Can a cake dance? Can a cake get you drunk? Will a cake let you put your hand up it's jumper?
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Summer Holiday Vyvyan: You'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch you out, Michael! Mike: You'd have to stay up all night.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Summer Holiday Mike: Rick, Your parents died this morning. Rick: My parents are dead? I can't believe it. Neil: And you think that's bad? Rick: Well yes I do actually what's it to you piss face?
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Summer Holiday Rick: [Just before the bus smashes into a Cliff Richard sign and goes flying off a cliff] Look out! CLIFF!
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Summer Holiday Mike: What is ugly, smelly, boring and is standing in front of me called Neil? Neil: You all really hate me, don't you?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Neil: Do you think that you could get something while you're there to clean the toilet with? Rick, Vyvyan: What? Mike: I don't think I can, Neil. Vyvyan: You can't clean the toilet, Neil. It'll lose all its character. Rick: We NEVER clean the toilet, Neil. That's what being a student is all about. No way, Harpic. No way, Dot. All that Blue Loo scene is for squares. One thing's for sure, Neil. When Cliff Richard wrote "Wired for Sound", no way was he sitting on a clean lavatory. He was living on the limit, just like me. Where the only place to put bleach is in your hair. Vyvyan: Living on Limits? What, are you on a diet? Rick: No, I live on The Limit, Vyvyan. The Limit. Because I'm a Rider at the Gates of Dawn and I take no prisoners.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Vyvyan: [all the guys in the house are sick - Vyvyan picks up a small mirror and stares into it] Feel better you bastard!
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Mrs Vyvyan: I heard you were ill so I brought you a present. Vyvyan: The last present you got me was a box of matches. Mrs Vyvyan: That was a joke. Vyvyan: I was only 8-weeks-old.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Vyvyan: OK Neil, you might feel a bit of a prick. Neil: Ohhh. What else is new?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Manure Salesman(Mick): Hello. Manure Salesman(Tezz): Hello. Rick: Hello! Manure Salesman(Mick): I'm Mick. This is Tezz. Manure Salesman(Tezz): Alright. Manure Salesman(Mick): We would've brought Harry, but... we don't know anyone called Harry.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Manure Salesman(Mick): We've come about the muck. Rick: Muck? Manure Salesman(Mick): You know manure. Rick: Yes. Manure Salesman(Mick): We've been told to drop a load in your garden. Rick: Now listen. Nobody, I don't care who they are, is doing a two ton poo outside my front door. Manure Salesman(Tezz): Just though you might need it to cover up that dead hippie you just murdered.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Rick: Sticks and stones, Vyvyan, will break my bones! Vyvyan: [picking up a large piece of wood] That's the first sensible thing you've said today!
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Neil: I hope Mike hurries back with the cure! Vyvyan: No Neil, Neil, it's madness this week.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Rick: [something explodes] All right, who's responsible? Mike: Well, I think I'm quite responsible, actually.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Vyvyan: No! No! NO! We're not watching the bloody Good Life! Bloody bloody bloody! I hate it! It's so bloody nice! Felicity "Treacle" Kendall and Richard "Sugar-Flavored-Snot" Briars! What do they do now? Chocolate bloody Button ads, that's what! They're just a couple of reactionary stereotypes, confirming the myth that everyone in Britain is a lovable, middle-class eccentric - and I - HATE - THEM! Mike: That was a highly articulate outburst, Vyvyan. I only hope they're not watching.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - Time Neil: [another Neil has appeared] Hello? Neil 2: Hello? Neil: Wow. Anybody watching must've thought this was a negative reality inversion. Kissing Woman: [couple kissing in bushes nearby suddenly break off and look over] Cor, that looked just like a negative reality inversion, didn't it? Kissing Man: Yes, it did a bit.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Sick Neil: How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, me, 'cause I'm the only one that does anything around here anyway.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Sick Neil: You mean, you, like, scored with a chick? Rick: Well, of course, I wouldn't put it in such sexist terms, Neil, but yes. Mike: Now, wait a minute, Rick. I'm the one who gets the girls around here. There could be a copyright problem. Vyvyan: I don't understand. How? Was she unconscious? Rick: What, Vyvyan? Do I detect a little spark of jealousy? Vyvyan: Ha! I'm not jealous. I find the idea of spending a night with you completely revolting! Rick: You know perfectly well what I mean. Just because I was the most wanted and attractive guy at the party last night... Neil: What do you mean, Rick? You passed out after half a glass of cider. Rick: Did I? Blimey, that's a bit anarchic! Anyway, it just goes to show you, Neil. Even when I'm unconscious, I can pick up the birds. Erm, I mean, forge meaningful relationships with birds... chicks... tarts... women. Women!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Sick Neil: I'll die if I miss Scooby-Doo.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Sick Rick: One things for sure, when Cliff Richard wrote 'wired for sound' no way was he sitting on a clean lavatory.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Sick Mike: Neil, have you upset the neighbors? Neil: No, I've blown them up.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Nasty Mrs. Smiley: Do you dig graves? Neil: Yeah, they're alright, yeah.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Nasty Vyvyan: I still don't see why we had to dig the grave... and carry the coffin, and... and everything else. Neil: Well we're actually the ones who're responsible for his being in this position in the first place. Vyvyan: Liberal. Rick: Well you should've heard me and the undertakers Michael. Rick: We made up all these fabulous jokes about the undertaker coming 'round to measure my "stiffie." Neil: Well, I thought we oughta have some sort of, like, floral tribute, but all I could find was this carrot; so I borrowed Rick's Biro... Rick: You rented it, Neil, you rented it, and you still haven't paid. Neil: Yeah, yeah. And I wrote something; "Sorry about everything being a bit of a bummer, you know, what with you dying and all. Still, things could've been worse; You could've been me, and ended-up having a really bad time all the time", signed, "Neil". Mike: That's very touching, Neil.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Nasty Rick: Oh yes Vyvyan, when the mountain won't come to Mohammed, smash the drawing room to pieces. That's very Buddhist, isn't it?
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Nasty Vyvyan: It's a video nasty! Rick: It's a carpet farty!
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Nasty Special Patrol Group: Ohhh, have we got a video? Vyvyan: [exasperated, shouting] Yes! We've got a video!
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Nasty Rick: Neil, the bathroom's free. Unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Nasty Vyvyan: What we need is a large consignment of very hard drugs.

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