James T. West

The Wild Wild West

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Played by:

Robert Conrad

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James T. West Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 17: - The Night of the Sabatini Death James T. West: Back to Washington, huh, Ned? Ned Brown: Nope. I'm off on a well-deserved vacation. James T. West: London, Paris or Rome? Ned Brown: [Shaking head no] I'm going to make a big dream come true. And do you know what my big dream is? I'm going to spend my vacation all alone... on a desert island.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - The Night of the Hangman James T. West: How did you get into the Secret Service with hayfever? Artemus Gordon: Kept it a secret.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - The Night of the Infernal Machine James T. West: Bombs are like women, gentlemen: you should never let them know you don't trust them.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - The Night of the Skulls James T. West: Artie, if you keep stealing my girlfriends you're going to end up dead again.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - The Night of the Skulls James T. West: Artie you couldn't be quiet, not even at your own funeral, could you? Artemus Gordon: Well, somebody had to tell the truth.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - The Night of the Green Terror Dr. Miguelito Loveless: Well what can one say at a time like this, Mr. West? James T. West: Au revoir? Dr. Miguelito Loveless: No. Just goodbye. One and forever... goodbye, Mr. West.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - The Night of the Watery Death Marquis Philippe de La Mer: You imply that I'm not practical? James T. West: No, I said you're cracked.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - The Night of the Returning Dead James T. West: Where are you headed for now, Jeremiah? Jeremiah: Home. Artemus Gordon: Where's that? Jeremiah: I don't know where that is yet.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - The Night of the Returning Dead James T. West: What happened to you? Artemus Gordon: Fighting on the Sabbath? Never on a Sunday.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - The Night of the Big Blast Carmen: You prefer to dance in private? James T. West: Sometimes.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - The Night of the Golden Cobra James T. West: Whatever you do, don't go in there. Artemus Gordon: There's a tiger in there! James T. West: Nooo...
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Eccentrics Count Carlos Mario Vincenzo Robespierre Manzeppi: Allow me to present myself. I am Count Mario Vincenzo Robespierre Manzeppi; adventurer, poet, and lover of all that is corrupt, forbidden, and blasphemous. James T. West: Charmed, I'm sure.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Eccentrics Count Carlos Mario Vincenzo Robespierre Manzeppi: Mr. West! You have succeeded in making me lose my temper! James T. West: Is that bad? Count Carlos Mario Vincenzo Robespierre Manzeppi: For you it will be highly traumatic.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - The Night of the Howling Light Artemus Gordon: What are they doing? James T. West: They're trying to break out and get to the doctor. I guess they want to kill him. We'd better go down and stop them. Artemus Gordon: Ahhh... Why? James T. West: Must be some reason. Artemus Gordon: I can't think of any. James T. West: It is a problem. Artemus Gordon: Um-hmmm... James T. West: Say... do you suppose that woman could be conditioned so that she'd never nag, never complain, never be anything but sweet and warm and understanding? Kind? James T. West: You've got a reasonal.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - The Night of the Howling Light James T. West: [In response to Dr. Arcularis' sadistic demonstration on a caged prisoner] It's too bad you weren't around during the Inquisition. You would have been very good at it. Dr. Arcularis: Yes, I've often regretted that.
	Season 1 / Episode 14: - The Night of the Howling Light Dr. Arcularis: [Addressing the cornered James West] What are those lovely words from Ecclesiastes? I always forget them. James T. West: "A time to weep, and a time to laugh"? Dr. Arcularis: Ah. My favorite is, "A time to be born, and a time to die."
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Night of the Glowing Corpse James T. West: What do we do now? Artemus Gordon: I think we better call the housekeeper. This place is a mess.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Night of the Glowing Corpse Artemus Gordon: Think of that. Five minutes, underwater, submerged, and you'd still survive. That is, if somebody was trying to drown you. James T. West: What if doesn't work? Artemus Gordon: Bring it back. I'll make you a new one.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Night of the Glowing Corpse Artemus Gordon: Jim... you ever wonder what might of happened if Amelie had pointed that gun a little higher when she shot you? James T. West: I think the box office would have refunded the money.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Night of the Glowing Corpse James T. West: Did she get away? Artemus Gordon: Free and clear. Lt. Armand Renard: Monsieur, I am appalled. How could you ley such a thing happen? And with your revolver? James T. West: She didn't have one of her own. Thank you.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Night of a Thousand Eyes Jennifer Wingate: So, I was wrong, darlings. But there must be some forgiverness in your hearts. Jennifer Wingate: Life? James T. West: Ten years. James T. West: Five. James T. West: And of course time off for good behavior.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Night of a Thousand Eyes James T. West: I'm sorry, but under the circumstances life imprisonment is almost madatory. Jennifer Wingate: Surely you must have some influence with the judge. James T. West: Mmm, mmm, under the circumstances my recommendation might do some good. Jennifer Wingate: I've already promised I will never again do any of those evil things. James T. West: Artemus, do you believe her? Artemus Gordon: I certainly do not. Jennifer Wingate: How can you say that? Artemus Gordon: Easily. I can't understand it, Jim. How can you sit there and let yourself be stung by the kiss of death?
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Night of the Casual Killer James T. West: Now with all that settled we're on our way to Chicago, right? Laurie Morgan: Wrong. I'm heading the other way. You see gentlemen like you still confuse me. Oh! Laurie Morgan: I guess simple girl like me should just never leave home. Bye. James T. West: Artemus, it's going to be a long trip to Chicago. Artemus Gordon: James my boy, you just can't win them all.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Inferno Artemus Gordon: Maybe I ought to throw him in the pit, huh? With some of his little friends. James T. West: He'd probably poison them.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Inferno James T. West: You wanted the world? James T. West: Here!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Inferno James T. West: See anyone you know? Artemus Gordon: The one with the blue eyes looks familiar.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Inferno James T. West: It wasn't your money. Lydia Monteran: It was... until you made me give it back.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Inferno James T. West: What are you going to do with the girl? Gen. Andreas Cassinello: When you talk, I will decide. James T. West: When you decide, I will talk.

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