Artemus Gordon

The Wild Wild West

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Characters: #3 of 19 (Full List)

Played by:

Ross Martin
Born in Grodek, Poland, Ross Martin grew up on New York City's Lower East Side. He spoke Yiddish, Polish, ...

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Artemus Gordon Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 19: - The Night of the Pistoleros Artemus Gordon: "Thanks Artie"? Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks Artie"? Jim West: Thanks, Artie. Artemus Gordon: It's a pleasure.
	Season 4 / Episode 19: - The Night of the Pistoleros Jim West: Did I hear big mouth correctly? Artemus Gordon: Yup. They're going to hang you and take me with them. No hard feelings, Jim. Jim West: I resent that.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Big Blackmail Jim West: Artie, when are you going to get rid of that cat? Artemus Gordon: Listen, he stowed aboard in Denver, I'm going to see to it that he gets home.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Big Blackmail Artemus Gordon: [getting an idea] Well, they're expecting a "show"... who are we to to disappoint them?
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Big Blackmail Hilda: Why should I say it again? Artemus Gordon: Because when you say supervisors your nose crinkles up in the most adorable way, did you know that?
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Big Blackmail Artemus Gordon: Did it ever occur to you that red might mean danger? For instance, red for fire, fire of explosion? Jim West: What would they want to explode? Artemus Gordon: People who fool around with their levers.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - The Night of the Big Blackmail Artemus Gordon: It was just a thought. Jim West: I'm glad it was a just a thought, Artie.
	Season 3 / Episode 23: - The Night of the Simian Terror Artemus Gordon: Naomi. "My sweetness". That's what Naomi means in Hebrew, did you know that? Naomi Buckley: Really? And what does Artemus mean? Jim West: It means "He who wastes little time".
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Night of the Legion of Death Artemus Gordon: Hey! I've got a little bone I want to pick with you. Jim West: Me? Artemus Gordon: Yeah, the next time - if there is a next time - do you mind not hanging around till the last minute before letting me know that you're there? Jim West: Hey, Artie, I showed up as soon as I could!
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - The Night of the Hangman James T. West: How did you get into the Secret Service with hayfever? Artemus Gordon: Kept it a secret.
	Season 2 / Episode 26: - The Night of the Cadre Jim West: Where are we roughly? Artemus Gordon: I'd say about five minutes away from dying of thirst or alkali poisoing.
	Season 2 / Episode 23: - The Night of the Surreal McCoy Jim West: Know where the ambassador is? Artemus Gordon: Yeah, saloon basement. He's all right. Jim West: Think you can find him? Artemus Gordon: What? And leave you here all alone? Jim West: There's only four of them. Artemus Gordon: Three. Hardly seems worth your while.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - The Night of the Lord of Limbo Artemus Gordon: By the way, what is your name? Jim West: James. James West. Artemus Gordon: How do you do, James? It's an odd thing, but I have this ridiculous feeling that you and I have done all this before. Isn't that ridiculous? Well, it was fun while it lasted, wasn't it, James? Jim West: It's not over yet. I've gone to too much trouble to find you. Artemus Gordon: You, have too much trouble to find me.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - The Night of the Lord of Limbo Jim West: The Colonel is a rather unique travel agent. Artemus Gordon: And a most unusual magician, too.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - The Night of the Infernal Machine Artemus Gordon: Did you have to ruin my cake? Jim West: It was either your cake or my reputation.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - The Night of the Skulls Artemus Gordon: You killed me once this week. Isn't that enough?
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - The Night of the Skulls Lorelei: James! I've been waiting for you all evening. Artemus Gordon: Well, I haven't. Where have you been and do you have to stay?
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - The Night of the Skulls James T. West: Artie you couldn't be quiet, not even at your own funeral, could you? Artemus Gordon: Well, somebody had to tell the truth.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - The Night of the Returning Dead James T. West: Where are you headed for now, Jeremiah? Jeremiah: Home. Artemus Gordon: Where's that? Jeremiah: I don't know where that is yet.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - The Night of the Returning Dead James T. West: What happened to you? Artemus Gordon: Fighting on the Sabbath? Never on a Sunday.
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - The Night of the Big Blast Artemus Gordon: I must say, you're a marvelous actress. Lily Fortune: Who's acting?
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - The Night of the Big Blast Lily Fortune: That might be mother. Artemus Gordon: No,no, it's just Henrietta. Lily Fortune: Who's Henrietta?
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - The Night of the Big Blast Artemus Gordon: You don't look very dead. Jim West: I'm not even sick.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - The Night of the Raven Dr. Miguelito Loveless: You, Mr. Gordon. You didn't play fair! You cheated. Artemus Gordon: A weakness. So sue me!
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - The Night of the Raven Artemus Gordon: The damsel in distress is no damsel.
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - The Night of the Raven Dr. Miguelito Loveless: Ah, there you are. Artemus Gordon: No, you have us confused with somebody else. We're over there. Dr. Miguelito Loveless: Mr. Gordon, you're such a wit!
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - The Night of the Raven Artemus Gordon: You've said that before, many times. Dr. Miguelito Loveless: And I say it again-now, Mr. Gordon... on the floor!
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - The Night of the Golden Cobra James T. West: Whatever you do, don't go in there. Artemus Gordon: There's a tiger in there! James T. West: Nooo...
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Night of the Murderous Spring Jim West: Artie... is that really you? Artemus Gordon: In that badly bruised flesh. Who were you expecting, President Grant?
	Season 1 / Episode 27: - The Night of the Murderous Spring Jim West: Artie, you look a little pecked. How about a snack? Artemus Gordon: I appreciate your concern. Right now I'd rather worry about Dr. Loveless. Jim West: Worry, and eat. We need a weapon, don't we? Artemus Gordon: What are you going to do, chuck him to death on a bone? Jim West: Something like that. Artemus Gordon: Would you mind telling me what you've got in mind? Jim West: Just an idea. I need a little time to work it out. Artemus Gordon: You wouldn’t have any giblet gravy in your pocket, would you? Jim West: Ever kill a man with giblet gravy?

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