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Sam Seaborn Quotes
 | Season 7 / Episode 22: - Tomorrow Sam Seaborn: [setting foot in the White House for the first time in three years] Home, sweet home. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 17: - Red Haven's on Fire Sam Seaborn: How'd you call Josh? Toby Ziegler: What do you mean? Sam Seaborn: Didn't they take your cellphone from you? Toby Ziegler: I borrowed theirs. [motions to the bench of call girls] Sam Seaborn: So on a call girl's phone bill, there's going to be a call to Air Force One? Toby Ziegler: You're really going to be teaching the seminar on call girl caution? Really? |
| Season 4 / Episode 17: - Red Haven's on Fire Sam Seaborn: [to Charlie] You're all right? Charlie Young: Yeah, I'm all right. You know, when you sit in a cage, you have time to do a lot of thinking. Toby Ziegler: Hurricane, we were in the joint for two hours and 20 minutes, 'kay? |
| Season 4 / Episode 17: - Red Haven's on Fire Toby Ziegler: No, I just got off with Josh, and I'm running the campaign for the last week. Sam Seaborn: Yeah. Technically, the President can't fire Scott Holcomb. Toby Ziegler: He was taking it in the wrong direction, Sam, and you know it. Sam Seaborn: And you guys are going to take it in the right direction? Toby Ziegler: We made a rough entrance here, but things are looking up now. Sam Seaborn: You trapped people at Disneyland, told the French they could stick a loaf of bread up their ass, had a meeting with a Communist, and things are looking up 'cause my new campaign director just made bail. Toby Ziegler: Look, a glass is half full or half... You know, the other thing... |
| Season 4 / Episode 17: - Red Haven's on Fire Sam Seaborn: I'm gonna lose. Toby Ziegler: Yeah. Sam Seaborn: There's no chance of a miracle? Toby Ziegler: No. Sam Seaborn: Then why are you here? Toby Ziegler: You're gonna lose, and you're gonna lose huge. They're gonna throw rocks at you next week, and I wanted to be standing next to you when they did. Sam Seaborn: [sarcastically] Oh, really? Toby Ziegler: Yeah. Sam Seaborn: [ Sam is touched and seriously asks] Really? Toby Ziegler: Yeah. |
| Season 4 / Episode 17: - Red Haven's on Fire Sam Seaborn: How'd you call Josh? Toby Ziegler: What do you mean? Sam Seaborn: Didn't they take your cell phone from you? Toby Ziegler: I borrowed theirs. [Points to a woman sitting on a bench in a cell] Sam Seaborn: So on a call girl's phone bill, there's going to be a call to Air Force One? Toby Ziegler: You're really going to be teaching the seminar on call girl caution? Really? |
 | Season 4 / Episode 16: - The California 47th President Josiah Bartlet: [on phone] Leo, tell those pouncy little hairdressers I'm gonna shove a loaf of bread up their ass... Sam Seaborn: Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States! |
| Season 4 / Episode 16: - The California 47th Sam Seaborn: If I'm going to lose, I'd like to lose doing something. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 9: - Swiss Diplomacy President Josiah Bartlet: You going to campaign on prescription drugs? Sam Seaborn: Our prescription drug bill - yes, sir - and our Medicare reforms and the Bartlet Energy Plan. President Josiah Bartlet: Sam... Sam Seaborn: Yes Sir? President Josiah Bartlet: It's okay to run away from me when you need to. Sam Seaborn: I would never, Mr. President. I simply would never do that. That's not how I'm getting votes. President Josiah Bartlet: I appreciate that, but that's not what I'm talking about. You disagreed with me on Medicare. I remember the meeting right here. Then you wrote a five page memo. Run towards yourself. I'm wrong about that. Walk. You're not going to be used to your surroundings. Sam Seaborn: Yes Sir President Josiah Bartlet: If you lose, you lose. But if you waste this, I'll kill you. I'll just kill you, Sam. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 8: - Process Stories Sam Seaborn: You might be asked first thing tomorrow if you're endorsing me. President Josiah Bartlet: Am I? Sam Seaborn: Well, I'm not really running. President Josiah Bartlet: Then I'm behind you 100%. |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - Process Stories Sam Seaborn: That was pretty impressive, though it was an Aristotelian confluence of events that could only happen to me. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 7: - Election Night Sam Seaborn: He wrote a concession speech. Josh Lyman: Of course he wrote a concession speech. Why wouldn't he? What possible reason would he have for not writing a concession speech? Sam Seaborn: The wrath from high atop the thing. Toby Ziegler: He upped and said we were gonna... Josh Lyman: No, you got to go outside, turn around three times and curse. Toby Ziegler: Spit. Josh Lyman: Spit and curse. Toby Ziegler: Do everything. Go! Josh Lyman: Go! Toby Ziegler: Go! Josh Lyman: Go! Toby Ziegler: Go! [Sam gets up and leaves the room] |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Election Night Sam Seaborn: You wrote a concession? Toby Ziegler: Of course I wrote a concession. You want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing? Sam Seaborn: No. Toby Ziegler: Then go outside, turn around three times and spit. What the hell's the matter with you? |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Election Night Sam Seaborn: [explaining his agreeing to run for Congress] You have to understand. This wasn't something that cost me anything. They weren't going to announce unless Wilde won and that was never going to happen in Orange County. It's like the Secretary of Agriculture saying, "Sure, I'm ready to assume the Presidency should the 18 who come before me die. Why not?" |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Election Night Sam Seaborn: They may have called that putt a little early. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 6: - Game On Will Bailey: Several members of my family worked for NATO. Sam Seaborn: You're not by any chance Thomas Bailey's grandson. Will Bailey: I'm his son. I'm the youngest one. Sam Seaborn: Wow. That had to be an interesting career day. "Hello, I'm Will's father, and I'm Supreme Commander NATO Allied Forces." Bet not a lot of people took your lunch money. Will Bailey: No. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 5: - Debate Camp President Josiah Bartlet: [practicing for a debate] I don't support racial profiling. Sam Seaborn: [playing the part of a debate challenger] Your nominee for Attorney General did. Can you tell us why you nominated him? President Josiah Bartlet: Why? Sam Seaborn: Yes. President Josiah Bartlet: 'Cause bite me, that's why. C.J. Cregg: It's a legitimate question. President Josiah Bartlet: It's been almost four years, Sam. How long do you want to say "I told you so?" Josh Lyman: He wasn't saying "I told you so," sir. We need an answer on Rooker. President Josiah Bartlet: What's wrong with "Bite me"? Josh Lyman: I think we'd lose. Toby Ziegler: Not in New Jersey. |
| Season 4 / Episode 5: - Debate Camp President Josiah Bartlet: Apparently, eight Israeli Thunder fighters - these are also known as American-made Boeing F-15E Strike Eagles - have hit two terrorist bases in the north and south of Qumar, and while no Qumari government personnel or institutions were destroyed, Qumar, of course, considers an attack on its soil to be an act of war. So we are, as always, one bad bottle of tequila away from all-out war in West Asia. President Josiah Bartlet: Would you like to get this one, or shall I? Sam Seaborn: Why don't you get this one, and I'll get... the next one. President Josiah Bartlet: Okay. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 4: - The Red Mass Janet: I'll do my best. Sam Seaborn: Your best is very good. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 1: - 20 Hours in America (1) Sam Seaborn: [on his answering machine] Hi, it's Sam. I'm sleeping for a few hours right now so you can leave a message, or if you really need me you can shout into the machine, and I'll wake up. Josh Lyman: SAM! |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - 20 Hours in America (1) Bruno Gianelli: [after hearing the President give a inspiring speech] When did you write that last part? Sam Seaborn: In the car. Bruno Gianelli: [pause] Freak. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - 20 Hours in America (1) Sam Seaborn: Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - 20 Hours in America (1) Sam Seaborn: Do we have some sort of condensed, Reader's Digest index of... well, all human knowledge? Ginger: We usually just use Margaret. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - 20 Hours in America (1) Bruno Gianelli: [after hearing the President give an inspiring speech] When did you write that last part? Sam Seaborn: In the car. Bruno Gianelli: [pause] Freak. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - 20 Hours in America (1) Sam Seaborn: Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright. |
 | Unknown Episode: Sam Seaborn: You're really very much freaking me out. |
| Unknown Episode: Sam Seaborn: He went to the Yankee game. Toby Ziegler: Ritchie? Sam Seaborn: Local news covered it. He said this is how ordinary Americans get their entertainment. Toby Ziegler: I've been to 441 baseball games at Yankee Stadium. There's not a single person there who's ordinary. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 19: - The Black Vera Wang Russian Negotiator Nikolai Ivanovich: Why must every American president bound out of an automobile like as at a yacht club while in comparison our leader looks like... I don't even know what word is. Sam Seaborn: Frumpy? Russian Negotiator Nikolai Ivanovich: I don't know what "frumpy" is but onomatopoetically sounds right. Sam Seaborn: It's hard not to like a guy who doesn't know frumpy but knows onomatopoeia. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 17: - Stirred Sam Seaborn: By the way, my Princeton Tigers could whoop your Cal Bears any day of the week. C.J. Cregg: At what? Sam Seaborn: [pause] Logarithms, possibly. |
| Season 3 / Episode 17: - Stirred Rep. Bud Wachtell, D: There's a heavy stench of partisanism in the air, Sam. Sam Seaborn: Actually, you know, they just sprayed for bugs. |
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