Dr. Venture

The Venture Bros.

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Played by:

James Urbaniak

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Dr. Venture Quotes

	Season 3 / Episode 5: - The Buddy System Billy Quizboy: [as a huge gorilla approaches Dr. Venture] Be careful; they can smell fear. Dr. Venture: What about urine? Can they smell that? Billy Quizboy: That's, like, liquid fear.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Home Is Where The Hate Is The Monarch: [emoting clues to Venture during a guessing game] You're a brainless nobody who lives entirely off your father's fame and fortune! Dr. Venture: Uh... George Bush? The Monarch: [More upset] Hardly! I've never, NEVER hated anyone more than you! Dr. Venture: Um... let's see... Hit... Did Hitler have a son? The Monarch: [Even more upset] No! You should just admit that your a failure and drink poison! Dr. Venture: Um... Socrates' son?
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Love-Bheits Hank Venture: I am the Bat! Dr. Venture: Yes, yes. You're THE BAT! And THE BAT is the reason why we didn't take Best Group Costume... again! Last year, it was Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, and THE BAT! Oh, and how about the time we were the hard-rocking quartet of Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley, and THE BAT? Hank Venture: The night is mine.
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - Love-Bheits Dr. Venture: Hey, maybe he'll surprise us. He does get that kind-of retard strength when he's all worked up.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Victor. Echo. November. Dean Venture: Hank, are you even close to finis... [sees Hank is dressed as Batman] Dad! Dr. Venture: [enters] Dean, you smell like a whore. [Dean points at Hank] What's the...? Oh, not agai... Brock! Hank Venture: What? You said to put on your best outfit. Dr. Venture: Outfit, Hank. Not costume! Brock Samson: [enters] What the f...? Dean Venture: Well, I guess you can't come. Right? Hank can't come? Dr. Venture: Nice try, Dean.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight The Grand Inquisitor: [shouts] Earthman! I have traveled from an incredibly distant star to observe the ways of your planet! Hank Venture: [about the volume of the Inquisitor's voice] Aw, I can feel it in my Joanies! The Grand Inquisitor: [shouts] You have the honor of representing your entire race as my sample subject! Dr. Venture: [whispers] Brock? There's a twelve-foot man in our pool pointing a beam at my head. Do something? The Grand Inquisitor: [shouts] Whispering is futile! The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all! Sees all! Dr. Venture: Look, we don't have time for this, okay? We're on a very tight... The Grand Inquisitor: [shouts] Do not speak to me! Do not alter your normal human behavior in any way! You know not the elaborate criteria by which you are to be judged! Ignore my presence and go about your Earthly business! Dr. Venture: [sighs]
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight The Grand Inquisitor: [cab pulls up] Fear not, good Earth citizens! I have arrived here with your infant child intact but continue not to notice me! Taxi Driver: Hey stretch, it says 20 on the meter! The Grand Inquisitor: IGNORE ME! Dr. Jonas Venture Jr.: Who the hell is that? Dr. Venture: [groans] Just... just ignore him.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Dr. Venture: What the hell are you doing here? You were supposed to be our "backup" crew in case something happens to us! Dr. Jonas Venture Jr.: What do you want from me? I mean, look at you. You had "super kill guy" with you and you still got caught.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Brock Samson: I dunno, Doc. Dr. Venture: What? Brock Samson: This is pretty bad, even for you. Dr. Venture: Look, I've seen you rip a man's eyes out of his sockets and make him a marionette with his optic nerves! Brock Samson: Yeah, but at least I didn't break his heart. Dr. Venture: You sure about that?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Brock Samson: Doc, wake up. Dr. Venture: [shaking his head] God, I thought I was all done with the creepy nightmares. The Grand Inquisitor: [shouting] Yes, that was a rather odd one! Dr. Venture: [sighs] Oh great! He can read my thoughts, too! The Grand Inquisitor: [shouting] IGNORE ME!... Yes, I can!
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Dr. Venture: LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO!
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Dr. Jonas Venture: [From a video screen] Hello, Rusty! It's your father. Dean Venture: It's Grandpa! He's alive! Hank Venture: [leans in to the screen] And trapped... In the Phantom Zone! Hank Venture: I was just kidding. Jeez, I'm not a 'tard. Dr. Jonas Venture: I knew you'd find this tape. You were always such a little video buff. Dr. Venture: Once! I told him once I wanted to make videos. Next thing you know, every holiday, it's cameras, how-to books... Hank Venture: So, yeah, pop? I've been meaning to tell you: I'm not really that into neckerchiefs. Dean Venture: You wear them well! Dr. Venture: Shh! Wait. Shh! What'd he say? Go back! Dr. Jonas Venture: What I have to tell you is a matter of the gravest importance, Rusty. It has to do with those mysterious deep-space radio signals. You know! The ones I received back when you were just a boy? Dr. Jonas Venture: [flasback sequence] What... does it mean? Young Rusty: [jumping around on the floor] You can't walk on the red ones 'cause they're lava! Dr. Jonas Venture: Shh! Rusty, please! Dr. Jonas Venture: Well, after ten long years, I've finally translated the broadcasts! I found something extraordinary! A message from far across time and space, addressed to me, personally! It has to do with my latest invention, the greatest of my career, or anyone's, which I completed only a week ago! Dr. Venture: Mmm! Cha-ching! Turn it up, I smell money! Dr. Jonas Venture: They warned me that mankind was still too immature to be trusted with it! They told me to dismantle it before it got into the wrong hands! But they also told me that the fate of the planet hinged upon my being activated once. That's why I've scattered the main components in secret locations across the globe! So no one... Dr. Jonas Venture: Someone's coming! They know! Dr. Jonas Venture: Ha ha ha! False alarm! Okay, get a pen.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Dr. Venture: You! Son of a BITCH! You come here from God knows where and took the form of my father because you thought it'd help me? Just who the hell do you think you are? Dr. Jonas Venture: Look, just calm down ok? Dr. Venture: You... prick! Dr. Jonas Venture: I did this for your own go... Dr. Venture: PRICK! Dr. Jonas Venture: Alright! Fine! You really want to see? Dr. Jonas Venture: There! Look at you! You nearly crapped yourself! [pointing at Ned] Except him, he actually did. Ned: [embarassed] Boom boom.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Hate Floats Henchman 21: [Opening his bureau] Gentlemen, choose your weapons. Henchman 24: Are these them? Henchman 21: [correcting] Are these 'they'. Henchman 24: Who talks like that? The Monarch: Stand aside. I'm in charge here and I will assign the... are these they? Henchman 21: [Proudly, as the scene reveals the 'weapons' to be collector's toys] Yep. And you gotta admit that it is a sweet collection. The Monarch: You fucking idiot! You expect us to go in to battle with these? Is it your plan so that they will die laughing? Dr. Venture: Oh, no, I think you'll have that covered when you storm the room with butterfly costumes. The Monarch: Oh ha, ha, ha, ha... nice one-sie, dick! Does it have snaps in the back so you can make poopies? Henchman 24: Oh, snap! Dr. Venture: For your information, this isn't a one-sie, it is a speed suit! The Monarch: Or they can think that you're a three year old with prygeria and take pity on us. Henchman 24: Oh, in your face!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Powerless in the Face of Death Dr. Venture: No! No! I don't wanna go! I'm not done finding myself! Brock Samson: You've gotta! Dr. Venture: No, please! Brock I feel amazing! I never want tonight to end! Brock Samson: You can't run away from your life forever Doc! Dr. Venture: This IS my life now MOM! Deal with it! Brock Samson: You've got responsibilities at home! The bills are stacking up and you have to deal with what happened to the boys! Dr. Venture: Screw the boys! I wanna stay here with my new family and their "feel good candy"! Brock Samson: You've had your fun Doc, it's time! Dr. Venture: No! Brock, no! This is Skye! We're gonna have a child! Pleeaaaasssseearrrrr!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Powerless in the Face of Death Dr. Venture: C'mon, you do this stuff every day! Dr. Byron Orpheus: But that's different! Dr. Venture: Why? Because you call it by a different name? Church, lab. Soul, synapses. Purgatory, computer. Get over yourself!
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Trial of the Monarch Dr. Venture: What would I do without you, Brock? Brock Samson: You would've died.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Trial of the Monarch Dr. Venture: All right. Get their clones.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Past Tense Dr. Girlfriend: I can't believe you saved it. What are these hard chunks? Phantom Limb: My... tears. The Monarch: Tears? You have to be kidding me! You know that sick, deformed slob... you know he was pounding his invisible meat all over that skimpy... Dr. Venture: That’s it! Objection! Your honor, I have children listening to this potty talk. Judge: Sustained. I want that last part stricken from the record. And my mind.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Tag Sale - You're IT! Dr. Venture: [a drunk Brock barges into the dorm room] Who the hell are you? Pete White: I think that's your roommate, Rust.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Tag Sale - You're IT! Dr. Venture: Oh, come on! You're gonna kill me because I had fake sex on graph paper with a girl who barely spoke to you in real life?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Dr. Byron Orpheus: Oh, it must be dreamy to have a costumed nemesis. Chasing you... wringing his gloved hands in concern of your every move. Dr. Venture: You're kidding, right? Dr. Byron Orpheus: It just seems so romantic.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Brock Samson: I just think that with all your advertising... Dr. Venture: Who even opens those ValPaks, anyway? Brock Samson: You have some dangerous machinery for sale here; I think you're beggin' for trouble on this one. Dr. Venture: I thought you handled all that. And I don't hear any big ideas from you on how to get some quick cash; come on! Most of this stuff is old crap my dad left behind. Brock Samson: DOC! YOU HAVE A TABLE OVER THERE WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS, "LASER DEATH RAY BARGAIN BIN!"
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Ice Station - Impossible! Dr. Venture: Crap, who am I kidding, my looks are going down the toilet faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Ice Station - Impossible! Dr. Venture: I have something to show you all! Those of you with weak stomachs should leave now! What you are about to see is a nightmare, inexplicably torn from the pages of Kafka! Hank Venture: Holy crap! What happened? Dr. Venture: Apparently this is the reward I get for years of screwing with super-science. In short, I pissed in God's eye - and He blinked. Hank Venture: [pokes Dr. Venture] Golly, does it hurt? Dr. Venture: No. But the poking does, let's stop that now. Hank Venture: Sorry. Hey, what's H.E.L.P.eR. gotten into? Dr. Venture: That appears to be my dermis. Hank Venture: Wow! Bet if you put that under your pillow, the Tooth Fairy'll give you, like, a grand! Dr. Venture: Okay, Hank? You are taking this way too well. Hank Venture: Well, gee Dad, we've seen a lot of strange stuff over the years. Last week we were fighting a giant dinosaur! Dr. Venture: Granted, but I wasn't the dinosaur! Can't you see where this is maybe different?
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Dr. Byron Orpheus: [after examining Dr. Venture's latest invention] What the hell is this thing made out of? Dr. Venture: [suspiciously] Nothing. Dr. Byron Orpheus: Come on... Dr. Venture: All right, fine, I might have used a few unorthodox parts. Dr. Byron Orpheus: Just tell me one. Dr. Venture: [mumbling] An... orphan. Dr. Byron Orpheus: A what? Dr. Byron Orpheus: [clearing his throat] An orphan? Dr. Venture: Did you say... an ORPHAN? Dr. Venture: [weakly] Yeah, a little orphan boy. Dr. Byron Orpheus: It's powered by a forsaken child? Dr. Venture: [defensive] Might be, kind of - I mean I didn't use the whole thing!
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Dr. Byron Orpheus: Orpheus! I am known to men as Dr. Orpheus! And mine is to perceive and control the delicate arrangement of the cosmos! Dr. Venture: They give out Ph.Ds for that? Dr. Byron Orpheus: [in a lowered voice] Junior college upstate, communication major, minor in women's studies. But I assure you, sir, the doctor title was bestowed upon me by a higher power than a mere college professor!
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Dr. Venture: Dean, what are you doing in there? I need to take a shower. Dean Venture: I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop! Dr. Venture: Never mind, Dean.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Hank Venture, Dean Venture: GO TEAM VENTURE! Dr. Byron Orpheus: Yes, go Team Venture! Dr. Venture: Oh for God's sake, don't encourage them.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Dean Venture: Hank and I just woke up on the floor. We were playing Ouija and a guy hypnotized us. Dr. Venture: Dean? Dean Venture: With his magical Dracula powers. Dr. Venture: Dean I'm going to turn around now and you'd better be on fire. You're standing there in flames and the only person who can put you out is me! Because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!

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