Dean Venture

The Venture Bros.

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Played by:

Michael Sinterniklaas

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Dean Venture Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 10: - I Know Why the Caged Bird Kills Dean Venture: You're not our mom! You just can't be! Hank Venture: On account of the crazy. Myra Brandish: Search your feelings boys; you know it to be true. So true. Myra Brandish: Funny how it seems, always on time, but never in line for dreams. Hank Venture: Okay, we're losin' her again. Myra Brandish: I bought a ticket to the world, but now I've come back again! Hank Venture: If you're supposed to be our mom, then why you got us tied up, huh? People only do that when they wanna kill us. Dean Venture: Or hold us for ransom. Hank Venture: Or touch us inappropriately. Dean Venture: What? When? That never... Hank Venture: Sergeant Hatred? What, did you block that out? Oh, no, wait - you were passed out from the wine. Most of it was awful; trust me.
	Season 2 / Episode 9: - Guess Who’s Coming to State Dinner? Abraham Lincoln: Microchip! Microchip! Infused to the back of Colonel Manstrong's neck. His mother is using it to control him and he's going to assassinate the president! Dean Venture: I don't know, that sounds kinda far fetched. Hank Venture: [to Dean] Thanks. I'm glad you said it first. Abraham Lincoln: [stops raving frantically after hearing Hank] Far fetched? Didn't either of you see the 'Manchurian Candidate'? Not even the remake with Denzel? I've been dead for seven score years and even I... Hank Venture: [Quietly, to Dean] Who is this guy again? Abraham Lincoln: [Interrupting loudly and irritated] ABRAHAM LINCOLN! 16th President of the United States? C'mon you're kidding me! Dean Venture: [to Hank] Yeah, haven't you learned anything in bed? Abraham Lincoln: [Irritated and rubbing his temples] Alright, how about this: I'm the five-dollar bill guy... Hank Venture: [Excitedly] You invented the five-dollar bill? Abraham Lincoln: [Sarcastically agreeing] That's right, Hank. Yes I did. [burying his face in his hand as to appear he's given up on Hank; looks to Dean] Dean, you seem to have a bit more on the ball here. Would you mind being able to help me? For the Union?
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Fallen Arches Triana Orpheus: [coming into the bathroom] Oh, Hank, what's wrong with you? Dean Venture: Right? It smells like a Bible story in here.
	Season 2 / Episode 8: - Fallen Arches Hank Venture: Oh, no! We just killed your girlfriend! Dean Venture: She's my girlfriend? Hank Venture: Probably. Before we killed her.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Victor. Echo. November. Dean Venture: Hank, are you even close to finis... [sees Hank is dressed as Batman] Dad! Dr. Venture: [enters] Dean, you smell like a whore. [Dean points at Hank] What's the...? Oh, not agai... Brock! Hank Venture: What? You said to put on your best outfit. Dr. Venture: Outfit, Hank. Not costume! Brock Samson: [enters] What the f...? Dean Venture: Well, I guess you can't come. Right? Hank can't come? Dr. Venture: Nice try, Dean.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Dr. Jonas Venture: [From a video screen] Hello, Rusty! It's your father. Dean Venture: It's Grandpa! He's alive! Hank Venture: [leans in to the screen] And trapped... In the Phantom Zone! Hank Venture: I was just kidding. Jeez, I'm not a 'tard. Dr. Jonas Venture: I knew you'd find this tape. You were always such a little video buff. Dr. Venture: Once! I told him once I wanted to make videos. Next thing you know, every holiday, it's cameras, how-to books... Hank Venture: So, yeah, pop? I've been meaning to tell you: I'm not really that into neckerchiefs. Dean Venture: You wear them well! Dr. Venture: Shh! Wait. Shh! What'd he say? Go back! Dr. Jonas Venture: What I have to tell you is a matter of the gravest importance, Rusty. It has to do with those mysterious deep-space radio signals. You know! The ones I received back when you were just a boy? Dr. Jonas Venture: [flasback sequence] What... does it mean? Young Rusty: [jumping around on the floor] You can't walk on the red ones 'cause they're lava! Dr. Jonas Venture: Shh! Rusty, please! Dr. Jonas Venture: Well, after ten long years, I've finally translated the broadcasts! I found something extraordinary! A message from far across time and space, addressed to me, personally! It has to do with my latest invention, the greatest of my career, or anyone's, which I completed only a week ago! Dr. Venture: Mmm! Cha-ching! Turn it up, I smell money! Dr. Jonas Venture: They warned me that mankind was still too immature to be trusted with it! They told me to dismantle it before it got into the wrong hands! But they also told me that the fate of the planet hinged upon my being activated once. That's why I've scattered the main components in secret locations across the globe! So no one... Dr. Jonas Venture: Someone's coming! They know! Dr. Jonas Venture: Ha ha ha! False alarm! Okay, get a pen.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Trial of the Monarch The Monarch: [in a "Scared Straight"-style prison program] What's your name? Dean Venture: Dean Ven... The Monarch: Your name is Bitch! And I own you. You're property! And when I'm tired of having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender frame... King Gorilla! You got a cigarette? The Monarch: There. I just sold you for a cigarette... and I don't smoke! The Monarch: Holy shit! You're Dean fucking Venture! King, I gotta buy my bitch back. Here's your cigarette. King Gorilla: Fuck you, gimme a dollar.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Trial of the Monarch Dean Venture: I'll be sleeping in a room right next to Triana. And then she'll hear, like, thunder or something, and she'll run into my room all scared and stuff. And I'll be like, "Hush, my darling. It's just ionized air molecules expanding." And she'll be like, "Oh, hold me." And then I'll, like... Hank Venture: Dude! If we stay here, that means that we'll be Dr. Orpheus's kids. And that means Triana will be your sister. And that means you two will have extra-retard babies.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Past Tense Brock Samson: Something big is going down, this place is crawling with Strangers. Hank Venture: Well, you can't expect to know everybody! Brock Samson: No, Hank... Strangers are undercover Guild operatives. Dean Venture: We gotta warn Pop! Brock Samson: No, Dean. This is guild business, your father isn't in any harm. Guild works clean, professional, and surgical. In a way, they're the only organization I still respect. Hank Venture: [dramatically] And they kill clean! Don't let dames get in the way! Brock Samson: [turning to Hank] Honestly, Hank, where do you pick that stuff up? I never see you read! Dean Venture: It's weird, right? Brock Samson: It's like he channels dead crazy people! Hank Venture: [worried] Do you think it's a cry for help?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Ghosts of the Sargasso Race Bannon: Do me a favor, Brock. Brock Samson: Anything, old friend. Race Bannon: Tell... Jonny... I love... Dean Venture: Ewww! I didn't know they... Ew! Brock Samson: Yeah, they never show that part on TV.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Ghosts of the Sargasso Hank Venture: Dude, what is with you? Why are you so calm about this? Dean Venture: Because Hank, we're not just any poor suckers... we're the Venture Brothers! Our dad's a supergenius with, like, chemistry stuff. He can fix this, no prob! Brock Samson: Dean, we don't even know where your dad is; he's sequestered in some secret think-tank, and this is... well, this is kinda out of his league, honestly. Dean Venture: We're all gonna die!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Eeny, Meeny, Miney... Magic Pirate Captain: You're not very good liar are you Dean? Dean Venture: Maybe.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Eeny, Meeny, Miney... Magic Ghost Pirate 1: [Watching Brock beat up the fake Ghost Pirate] Oh my God, he's gettin' his ass kicked! We gotta save him! Ghost Pirate 2: Are you kiddin'? My sword's made of cardboard. Pirate Captain: Enough! Pirate Captain: [Everyone stops fighting] Get off that man before he kills the hole lot'o'ye. Pirate Captain: [Holding Dean as a shield at gunpoint] I don't think he wants to see what his child is made of. [Overcorrecting himself] I mean, what he's really made of, not like a test of his mettle... Brock Samson: [Interrupting] We heard you the first time... Pirate Captain: [Interrupting] Silence! Your insolence will not be tolerated... again. [Motioning to the fake Ghost Pirate lying motionless on the deck] Hey, is that guy dead? Brock Samson: Yeah, probably. Pirate Captain: [Irritated] Oh, c'mon! Was that necessary? Really? Dean Venture: Your plan was almost flawless, only, that's no ghost... Pirate Captain: [Sarcastically] Oh, ya' think, genius. What was it that tipped ya' off, brainiac? Was it the rubber mask; maybe the huge zipper? [to Brock] But you had to go and kill 'im anyway. If you'd a played by the rules, the Ghost Pirate rules, none of this would have happened! But, no, you had to go and kill a guy.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Dr. Venture: Dean, what are you doing in there? I need to take a shower. Dean Venture: I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop! Dr. Venture: Never mind, Dean.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Hank Venture: Dude! She totally digs you! Dean Venture: You think? Hank Venture: No.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Triana Orpheus: Hey, how come I never see you in school? Dean Venture: I'm tutored by a box my pop made. It gets so hot... in the box my pop made... Triana Orpheus: That's kinda screwy.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Dean Venture: Hank and I just woke up on the floor. We were playing Ouija and a guy hypnotized us. Dr. Venture: Dean? Dean Venture: With his magical Dracula powers. Dr. Venture: Dean I'm going to turn around now and you'd better be on fire. You're standing there in flames and the only person who can put you out is me! Because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Home Insecurity Hank Venture: Check out the elephants! Dean Venture: You can tell which are the males, because they're the ones with tusks. Hank Venture: Dude, I got no problem telling which are male. Check out the fifth leg on that one! Dean Venture: It's called "a trunk." Hank Venture: It's called "you're a spaz," and that ain't what i'm talkin' about!
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Dia de los Dangerous Hank Venture: Wuss! Dean Venture: Knock it off! Hank Venture: Wuss! Dean Venture: Knock it off! Dr. Venture: Boys! for the last time, stop! Brock is trying to drive. Brock Samson: [to boys] I'm cool. Hank Venture, Dean Venture: [at each other] He started it! Dr. Venture: No, I started it years ago in a moment of passion, and I'll end it the same way, right here, in front of Brock, H.E.L.P.eR., and God!
	Unknown Episode: Hank Venture: What happened? I thought I picked rock. Dean Venture: So did I! Dr. Venture: And I picked two beautiful kidneys! I feel freakin' amazing!
	Unknown Episode: Pirate Captain: Sit on my lap, son. It's story time Dean Venture: I don't want to sit in your lap! Pirate Captain: Fine! Don't!
	Unknown Episode: Pirate Captain: Sit on my lap, son. It's story time Dean Venture: I don't want to sit in your lap! Pirate Captain: Fine! Don't!
	Unknown Episode: Dean Venture: Good thinking, bro'a'mine. And I thought I was supposed to be the smart one Hank Venture: Ma Venture didn't raise no fools Dean Venture: W-We don't have a mom, Hank...
	Unknown Episode: Dean Venture: Good thinking, bro'a'mine. And I thought I was supposed to be the smart one Hank Venture: Ma Venture didn't raise no fools Dean Venture: W-We don't have a mom, Hank...
	Unknown Episode: Dean Venture: Hank! I had my pubes shaved. I'm gonna put them under the pillow for the tooth fairy! Hank Venture: Did the doctor see that creepy dog dork of yours? Dr. Venture: Hank, don't brag to your brother about your circumcision.
	Unknown Episode: Dean Venture: Hank! I had my pubes shaved. I'm gonna put them under the pillow for the tooth fairy! Hank Venture: Did the doctor see that creepy dog dork of yours? Dr. Venture: Hank, don't brag to your brother about your circumcision.
	Unknown Episode: The Monarch: What? Think this is gay huh? Is that what you fucking said you scrawny peice of shit? Oh this isn't gay. But King Gorilla over there is! And I bet he can't wait to snap off a peice of your dick in his ass! [points to Dean] You! Get up! I said get the fuck up! What's your name? Dean Venture: Dean Ven... The Monarch: [shouts] Your name is bitch! And I own you. You're property! And when I'm tired of having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender frame... King Gorilla! You got a cigerette? [King Gorilla hands him one] There! I just sold you for a cigarette! And I don't smoke! [realizes who Dean is] Holy shit! You're Dean-Fucking-Venture! King, I've gotta buy my bitch back. Here's your cigarette. King Gorilla: Fuck you. Gimme a dollar!
	Unknown Episode: The Monarch: What? Think this is gay huh? Is that what you fucking said you scrawny peice of shit? Oh this isn't gay. But King Gorilla over there is! And I bet he can't wait to snap off a peice of your dick in his ass! [points to Dean] You! Get up! I said get the fuck up! What's your name? Dean Venture: Dean Ven... The Monarch: [shouts] Your name is bitch! And I own you. You're property! And when I'm tired of having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender frame... King Gorilla! You got a cigerette? [King Gorilla hands him one] There! I just sold you for a cigarette! And I don't smoke! [realizes who Dean is] Holy shit! You're Dean-Fucking-Venture! King, I've gotta buy my bitch back. Here's your cigarette. King Gorilla: Fuck you. Gimme a dollar!
	Unknown Episode: Hank Venture: Dean, Dean, sometimes I forget your younger than me. Dean Venture: By a lousy four minutes! Hank Venture: Well then maybe in four minutes you'll understand!
	Unknown Episode: Hank Venture: Dean, Dean, sometimes I forget your younger than me. Dean Venture: By a lousy four minutes! Hank Venture: Well then maybe in four minutes you'll understand!

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