Brock Samson

The Venture Bros.

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Played by:

Patrick Warburton

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Brock Samson Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 1: - Blood of the Father, Heart of Steel Hank Venture: [runs up and hugs Brock, who is in a S.P.H.I.N.X. uniform] Why are you here? Why are you wearing that? Why didn't you say goodbye to me? Why didn't you... Brock Samson: Hank, Hank! Listen, buddy. You have to trust me. You can't tell anybody we were here, this is our little secret. Hank Venture: Why did you leave me? Brock Samson: Hank, I'll never leave you. But right now these guys need me a little more. You can share me, Hank, can't you? I mean, look how big you've gotten! I can barely get my hands around these shoulders! Sergeant Hatred: [Offscreen, coming up the hill] Hank! Hank! Hank Venture: I'm over here! It's okay, I'm with- [Turns to find Brock gone] Sergeant Hatred: [Picks up the knife Brock used to kill the Hitler dog] Hank, did you kill Hitler? Hank Venture: No, it was... it was an angel.
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - Blood of the Father, Heart of Steel Hank Venture: [runs up and hugs Brock, who is in a S.P.H.I.N.X. uniform] Why are you here? Why are you wearing that? Why didn't you say goodbye to me? Why didn't you... Brock Samson: Hank, Hank! Listen, buddy. You have to trust me. You can't tell anybody we were here, this is our little secret. Hank Venture: Why did you leave me? Brock Samson: Hank, I'll never leave you. But right now these guys need me a little more. You can share me, Hank, can't you? I mean, look how big you've gotten! I can barely get my hands around these shoulders! Sergeant Hatred: [Offscreen, coming up the hill] Hank! Hank! Hank Venture: I'm over here! It's okay, I'm with- [Turns to find Brock gone] Sergeant Hatred: [Picks up the knife Brock used to kill the Hitler dog] Hank, did you kill Hitler? Hank Venture: No, it was... it was an angel.
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Home Is Where The Hate Is Sgt. Hatred: [Exiting the Venture Compound] Well, I'm sure going looking forward to being your arch, oh, which reminds me... Brock Samson: HEY! Sgt. Hatred: [Holding up his hands, chuckling, handing the gun to Brock] Whoh, whoh, easy there. It's only rubber; just keeping ya' on your toes. I uh... Sgt. Hatred: Gee, uh, they usually don't break the skin like that. He's a real softie, isn't he. [to his radio] Hatred to Malice Troop... gotta '86 the non-lethal. Yeah, were goin' full blown Nerf here.
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - Showdown at Cremation Creek, Part I Henchman 21: [Waking up after partying in the Mighty Flying Cocoon] Oh God! I don't ever want to do that again! Henchman 24: [Feeling the same] God; he's gonna kill us when he gets back. Henchman 21: Oh, let him kill us. Death would be a sweet release from all of this. [Stands up] Oh, fuck it! You do it! Just make sure when you do it that it isn't loud or near my head. Brock Samson: [Off scene, to Henchman 24] I got an idea, Chunk! [Camera pans to Brock and the Ventures in the jail cell] You let me out of here and I'll kill ya. Henchman 21: Oh, my god. What did we do? Henchman 24: I thought I dreamed that part.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Victor. Echo. November. Dean Venture: Hank, are you even close to finis... [sees Hank is dressed as Batman] Dad! Dr. Venture: [enters] Dean, you smell like a whore. [Dean points at Hank] What's the...? Oh, not agai... Brock! Hank Venture: What? You said to put on your best outfit. Dr. Venture: Outfit, Hank. Not costume! Brock Samson: [enters] What the f...? Dean Venture: Well, I guess you can't come. Right? Hank can't come? Dr. Venture: Nice try, Dean.
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Brock Samson: I dunno, Doc. Dr. Venture: What? Brock Samson: This is pretty bad, even for you. Dr. Venture: Look, I've seen you rip a man's eyes out of his sockets and make him a marionette with his optic nerves! Brock Samson: Yeah, but at least I didn't break his heart. Dr. Venture: You sure about that?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - 20 Years to Midnight Brock Samson: Doc, wake up. Dr. Venture: [shaking his head] God, I thought I was all done with the creepy nightmares. The Grand Inquisitor: [shouting] Yes, that was a rather odd one! Dr. Venture: [sighs] Oh great! He can read my thoughts, too! The Grand Inquisitor: [shouting] IGNORE ME!... Yes, I can!
	Season 2 / Episode 4: - Escape to the House of Mummies Part II Brock Samson: I gotta admit I always wanted to get Edgar Allan Poe in a headlock. That thing is like a pumpkin!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Powerless in the Face of Death Dr. Venture: No! No! I don't wanna go! I'm not done finding myself! Brock Samson: You've gotta! Dr. Venture: No, please! Brock I feel amazing! I never want tonight to end! Brock Samson: You can't run away from your life forever Doc! Dr. Venture: This IS my life now MOM! Deal with it! Brock Samson: You've got responsibilities at home! The bills are stacking up and you have to deal with what happened to the boys! Dr. Venture: Screw the boys! I wanna stay here with my new family and their "feel good candy"! Brock Samson: You've had your fun Doc, it's time! Dr. Venture: No! Brock, no! This is Skye! We're gonna have a child! Pleeaaaasssseearrrrr!
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Trial of the Monarch Dr. Byron Orpheus: What is... Brock Samson: That's Doc's deformed twin brother he absorbed in the womb, who's come back for revenge. But now they've made up, so... Dr. Byron Orpheus: 'Kay.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Trial of the Monarch Doctor: Sorry, sir. Medical personnel only beyond this point. Brock Samson: I'm staying with him. I go where he goes. Doctor: Oh. You must be his... partner... then. Brock Samson: Not really. It's more like I work for... Wait a minute! No!
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - The Trial of the Monarch Dr. Venture: What would I do without you, Brock? Brock Samson: You would've died.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - Past Tense Brock Samson: Something big is going down, this place is crawling with Strangers. Hank Venture: Well, you can't expect to know everybody! Brock Samson: No, Hank... Strangers are undercover Guild operatives. Dean Venture: We gotta warn Pop! Brock Samson: No, Dean. This is guild business, your father isn't in any harm. Guild works clean, professional, and surgical. In a way, they're the only organization I still respect. Hank Venture: [dramatically] And they kill clean! Don't let dames get in the way! Brock Samson: [turning to Hank] Honestly, Hank, where do you pick that stuff up? I never see you read! Dean Venture: It's weird, right? Brock Samson: It's like he channels dead crazy people! Hank Venture: [worried] Do you think it's a cry for help?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Brock Samson: I just think that with all your advertising... Dr. Venture: Who even opens those ValPaks, anyway? Brock Samson: You have some dangerous machinery for sale here; I think you're beggin' for trouble on this one. Dr. Venture: I thought you handled all that. And I don't hear any big ideas from you on how to get some quick cash; come on! Most of this stuff is old crap my dad left behind. Brock Samson: DOC! YOU HAVE A TABLE OVER THERE WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS, "LASER DEATH RAY BARGAIN BIN!"
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Ice Station - Impossible! O.S.I. Instructor: Well, let's see here, Mr. Samson. On the driving portion, you totalled every car but the one you were driving; on the pistol range, you refused to use a gun. And, uh, oh. Hah! Yeah, here's my favorite: on the written, you drew a little guy with wings from the Led Zeppelin records. Brock Samson: Icarus. So uh... what are you trying to tell me here, little man? That you don't like Zep?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Ghosts of the Sargasso Hank Venture: Brock, I've thought a lot about it, and if we can't get the antidote in time, and it comes down to it, I - well, I want you to be the one to kill me Brock Samson: Don't talk like that, Hank. We're gonna fi... Hank Venture: Promise me, Brock! Brock Samson: OK. Hank Venture: Promise? Brock Samson: Yes, I promise. Hank Venture: Super swear? Brock Samson: Yes, Hank! Hank Venture: Hey, Brock? Brock Samson: [sighs] Yeah? Hank Venture: How would you do it? Brock Samson: You're asleep, quick jerk of the neck, never feel a thing. Hank Venture: You've thought about this. Brock Samson: Yes, I have.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Ghosts of the Sargasso Race Bannon: Do me a favor, Brock. Brock Samson: Anything, old friend. Race Bannon: Tell... Jonny... I love... Dean Venture: Ewww! I didn't know they... Ew! Brock Samson: Yeah, they never show that part on TV.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - Ghosts of the Sargasso Hank Venture: Dude, what is with you? Why are you so calm about this? Dean Venture: Because Hank, we're not just any poor suckers... we're the Venture Brothers! Our dad's a supergenius with, like, chemistry stuff. He can fix this, no prob! Brock Samson: Dean, we don't even know where your dad is; he's sequestered in some secret think-tank, and this is... well, this is kinda out of his league, honestly. Dean Venture: We're all gonna die!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Eeny, Meeny, Miney... Magic Ghost Pirate 1: We need that key that starts your boat Mr. Big Stuff, let's have it? Brock Samson: It's up my ass. Ghost Pirate 2: Are you serious? Brock Samson: Why don't you check? Ghost Pirate 2: Well, check. Ghost Pirate 1: What if he's lying? Ghost Pirate 2: If he were telling the truth, that would be better?
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Eeny, Meeny, Miney... Magic Pirate 1: [to Brock who is chained up] We need that key that starts your boat Mr Big Stuff, let's have it. Brock Samson: It's up my ass. Pirate 2: Are you serious? Brock Samson: Why don't you check? Pirate 2: [to Pirate 1] Well. Check. Pirate 1: [to Pirate 2] What if he's lying? Pirate 2: [to Pirate 1] If he were telling the truth, that would be better?
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Eeny, Meeny, Miney... Magic Brock Samson: Whatever you do, Hank, don't light a cigarette. A good sniper can see a hot cherry for miles. Hank Venture: Brock, I don't smoke. Brock Samson: Good. Now's a lousy time to start.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - Eeny, Meeny, Miney... Magic Ghost Pirate 1: [Watching Brock beat up the fake Ghost Pirate] Oh my God, he's gettin' his ass kicked! We gotta save him! Ghost Pirate 2: Are you kiddin'? My sword's made of cardboard. Pirate Captain: Enough! Pirate Captain: [Everyone stops fighting] Get off that man before he kills the hole lot'o'ye. Pirate Captain: [Holding Dean as a shield at gunpoint] I don't think he wants to see what his child is made of. [Overcorrecting himself] I mean, what he's really made of, not like a test of his mettle... Brock Samson: [Interrupting] We heard you the first time... Pirate Captain: [Interrupting] Silence! Your insolence will not be tolerated... again. [Motioning to the fake Ghost Pirate lying motionless on the deck] Hey, is that guy dead? Brock Samson: Yeah, probably. Pirate Captain: [Irritated] Oh, c'mon! Was that necessary? Really? Dean Venture: Your plan was almost flawless, only, that's no ghost... Pirate Captain: [Sarcastically] Oh, ya' think, genius. What was it that tipped ya' off, brainiac? Was it the rubber mask; maybe the huge zipper? [to Brock] But you had to go and kill 'im anyway. If you'd a played by the rules, the Ghost Pirate rules, none of this would have happened! But, no, you had to go and kill a guy.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Molotov Cocktease: Brock Samson, you dog. Brock Samson: Molotov, you bitch.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Incredible Mr. Brisby Hank Venture: [Attempting to wake up Brock in his room by shaking his arm] G'mornin', Brock... Brock Samson: [Wakes with an involuntary choke hold on Hank, sees that it's Hank and drops him] Hank... you alright? Hank Venture: [recuperating on the floor] I think I will be. Brock Samson: [regains his stoic posture] Hank, ya gotta quit sneakin' up on me like that.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - Home Insecurity Brock Samson: Boys, you don't want to shoot me. You know me. You know what I'll do to you if you do.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Careers in Science Brock Samson: So just what are you trying to say, little man? You don't like Zep?
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Careers in Science Brock Samson: You didn't tell me Sasquache was a... a dude. Steve Summers: What, you couldn't tell? Brock Samson: Not until I had to... Brock Samson: shave him. Steve Summers: What are you, shy? Sasquache doesn't have anything you haven't seen before. Brock Samson: Sasquache IS something I haven't seen before!
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - Dia de los Dangerous Hank Venture: Wuss! Dean Venture: Knock it off! Hank Venture: Wuss! Dean Venture: Knock it off! Dr. Venture: Boys! for the last time, stop! Brock is trying to drive. Brock Samson: [to boys] I'm cool. Hank Venture, Dean Venture: [at each other] He started it! Dr. Venture: No, I started it years ago in a moment of passion, and I'll end it the same way, right here, in front of Brock, H.E.L.P.eR., and God!
	Unknown Episode: Brock Samson: You get the boys... I'll take care of these guys. Dr. Venture: Are you sure? There's an awful lot of... Brock Samson: [interrupting, speaking slowly] They hit me with a truck. Dr. Venture: Okaaayyy...
	Unknown Episode: Dr. Venture: [after being attacked by a green creature in Brock's car] What the hell was that? Brock Samson: Chupacabra. They're all over Mexico.

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