The Tick Quotes

The Tick

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Terror (aka The Tick vs The Terror) invitation plaque: Dear Tick and Sidekick, The Legion is a superheroic arm of the United Nations always on call to fight global catastrophes. You are part of the elite few who have been selected for membership. We'd like you and your partner to come by to discuss details. R.S.V.P.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Terror (aka The Tick vs The Terror) Arthur: [crooning over League invitation] I don't believe this. Tick, in a million years did you ever think we'd be asked to join the League? Arthur: In the last million years... twice.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Terror (aka The Tick vs The Terror) Arthur: [just back from League initiation] Can you believe that six months ago I was a bean counter at an accounting firm? Batmanuel: Yes, yes I can.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Terror (aka The Tick vs The Terror) Batmanuel: [getting off the phone with lawyer] They proposed a settlement. Captain Liberty: No. Batmanuel, look at these people. This case isn't even about me any more. If I were to take a settlement now, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Batmanuel: I will live with you. In a big house, with big gates to keep people like this out.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Arthur, Interrupted The Tick: You're about the only sane person I've met in the midst of all this insanity Cell Mate: I'm a karmic, cosmic comet leaving my stoned, immaculate crater in the soul of the virgin, Mother Earth. The Tick: You took the words right outta my mouth.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Arthur, Interrupted The Tick: Why is that man wearing a dress? Arthur: He's the judge.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice General's Aide: [as The Tick's bizarre eulogy drags on] The MPs are ready to tackle him off the stage, sir. General Fillmore: Belay that. I'm starting to like the cut of this guy's gibberish.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice The Tick: [while reading, "Immortally Yours," a biography of The Immortal] Bachman Turner Overdrive, look at this! The Tick: He once fought a guy who was made entirely of black holes. [pause] Heavy.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice The Tick: [first lines - giving a eulogy] Death. The eternal blink. The capricious dance of Now Ya Stop Movin' Forever. Well contrary to popular belief, death isn't just for dead people. It can happen to anyone. I know, it's news to me too. And it's not just people either, it's all kinds of stuff. Horses, fiddler crabs. Did you know that even a potato... can die?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice The Tick: [continuation of eulogy] Well just for kicks, let's look at the word funeral for a moment. Starts with the word fun, doesn't it? Now all I see out there are a bunch of sad faces. Well the Grim Reaper is an ugly customer. I'll Grant ya that, but ya know who's worse? It's Mr. Mope. I'm sayin' to you, watch out folks. Cause old Mr. Mope's gotcha all wrapped up in a wet blanket of his moping.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice The Tick: [continuation of eulogy - last lines] I believe we're all gathered here today to say goodbye to our dead friend The Immortal. Let's do that, shall we? [waves like a small child] Bye Morty. [grimaces all around the room] Hey now no one's sayin' that death isn't sad. But it's also the Mount Everest of life. Well I say when your time comes, climb it. Who knows what wonders may lie at the icy summit of Death Mountain. Might be nice up there. And think of all the people that have gone before ya. You may get to shake hands with the greatest minds in human history... But again, maybe death is nature's way of saying, try again. [thunderous applause]
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues Fiery Blaze: So, eh... What does Arthur do? The Tick: He flies, once in a while. Mostly he yells, like when I leave the cap off the toothpaste. Fiery Blaze: Wow, there... Hey, that's no good for you, man. You're the superhero! You gotta keep your head clear to wage war against the wicked. Sidekicks are supposed to put the cap back on the toothpaste. The Tick: I hear that! Fiery Blaze: Hey, you're the starplayer on this team. He's supposed to take care of the little stuff - bills, laundry, sending out Christmas cards. The Tick: Go tell it on the mountain! The Tick: Dude... I'm on the mountain!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues Batmanuel: "Alone" is a pathetic predicament. "Lone" is an aesthetic choice.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues The Tick: You are on a first-name basis with lucidity. I have to say mister.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues The Tick: We're more than a duo, we're a "duocracy".
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues Captain Liberty: [walking her dog - the dog is out of frame] You have to admit, he's much better behaved now. Batmanuel: Yes well, neutering a dog will have that affect. Though I must question your methods. The Tick: [walks up to greet, sees the dog] Yeesh, is that a platypus?
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues Captain Liberty: [to her new dog] Stay out of mommies hand grenades!
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Arthur Needs Space (aka Arthur Needs His Space) Batmanuel: General, if it pleases the court... General Thomas: - Who in the hell are you? Batmanuel: I am [unfurls wings] Batmanuel! General Thomas: Make it fast Batmanuel: Batmanuel never makes it fast. That is unless the husband is in, y'know... anyway... General, is it not "America, The Beautiful"? General Thomas: No
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Arthur Needs Space (aka Arthur Needs His Space) Captain Liberty: ["the birds and the bees" from The Tick's perspective] Tick, sometimes when a man person, and his lady friend - blah blah blah Tick, blah blah blah wine and cheese, blah blah blah love, blah blah blah babies. Batmanuel: [jumping in] blah blah blah condom, blah blah blah call girl, blah blah blah paternity suit, blah blah blah excellent lawyer. The Tick: [stunned] Aah... Captain Liberty: Is that clear to you now? The Tick: Is what clear to who, when?
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Arthur Needs Space (aka Arthur Needs His Space) Batmanuel: Now you see the power of the suit. Women cannot resist us. Men cannot resist us. Dogs... Arthur: Yeah, I get it.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License The Tick: [his Super Hero application form has been turned down] My first letter of rejection, and I haven't even started my novel yet.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License The Tick: Does it really matter what you call me, Arthur? Or what I call you? Isn't the most important call the one we make to that party-line of the collective unconscious, that string of mysterious arbitrary digits that we add up on our mental abacus and call 'us'? We call us and who answers? We do. Batmanuel: What the hell did he just say?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License Thelma Green: [at the DMV] I don't have all day. The Tick: Well I do. You can have half of mine.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License Woman: [running to The Tick] I've been worried to death. The Tick: Ah, ya poor zombie, that's a terrible way to die.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License Arthur: [concerned The Tick's so-called "wife"] This is like bigamy! The Tick: No Arthur, this is awfully big of you.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License Batmanuel: So, how is life post-Tick? Please be prepared. If it's not scintillating my interest will wane rapidly.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License The Tick: My truth engine is runnin' on fumes.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Couples Batmanuel: Poetic justice Arthur: Is there any other kind? The Tick: Puppet-show justice.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Couples Francis: [springing the intervention encounter] Arthur, I'm a licensed, graduate student of psychology.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Couples The Tick: [seeing Francis in Arthur's suit] That is icky to infinity.

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