The Tick

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The Tick

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Played by:

Patrick Warburton

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The Tick Quotes

	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Arthur, Interrupted The Tick: You're about the only sane person I've met in the midst of all this insanity Cell Mate: I'm a karmic, cosmic comet leaving my stoned, immaculate crater in the soul of the virgin, Mother Earth. The Tick: You took the words right outta my mouth.
	Season 1 / Episode 8: - Arthur, Interrupted The Tick: Why is that man wearing a dress? Arthur: He's the judge.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice The Tick: [while reading, "Immortally Yours," a biography of The Immortal] Bachman Turner Overdrive, look at this! The Tick: He once fought a guy who was made entirely of black holes. [pause] Heavy.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice The Tick: [first lines - giving a eulogy] Death. The eternal blink. The capricious dance of Now Ya Stop Movin' Forever. Well contrary to popular belief, death isn't just for dead people. It can happen to anyone. I know, it's news to me too. And it's not just people either, it's all kinds of stuff. Horses, fiddler crabs. Did you know that even a potato... can die?
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice The Tick: [continuation of eulogy] Well just for kicks, let's look at the word funeral for a moment. Starts with the word fun, doesn't it? Now all I see out there are a bunch of sad faces. Well the Grim Reaper is an ugly customer. I'll Grant ya that, but ya know who's worse? It's Mr. Mope. I'm sayin' to you, watch out folks. Cause old Mr. Mope's gotcha all wrapped up in a wet blanket of his moping.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Tick vs Justice The Tick: [continuation of eulogy - last lines] I believe we're all gathered here today to say goodbye to our dead friend The Immortal. Let's do that, shall we? [waves like a small child] Bye Morty. [grimaces all around the room] Hey now no one's sayin' that death isn't sad. But it's also the Mount Everest of life. Well I say when your time comes, climb it. Who knows what wonders may lie at the icy summit of Death Mountain. Might be nice up there. And think of all the people that have gone before ya. You may get to shake hands with the greatest minds in human history... But again, maybe death is nature's way of saying, try again. [thunderous applause]
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues Fiery Blaze: So, eh... What does Arthur do? The Tick: He flies, once in a while. Mostly he yells, like when I leave the cap off the toothpaste. Fiery Blaze: Wow, there... Hey, that's no good for you, man. You're the superhero! You gotta keep your head clear to wage war against the wicked. Sidekicks are supposed to put the cap back on the toothpaste. The Tick: I hear that! Fiery Blaze: Hey, you're the starplayer on this team. He's supposed to take care of the little stuff - bills, laundry, sending out Christmas cards. The Tick: Go tell it on the mountain! The Tick: Dude... I'm on the mountain!
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues The Tick: You are on a first-name basis with lucidity. I have to say mister.
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues The Tick: We're more than a duo, we're a "duocracy".
	Season 1 / Episode 6: - The Big Leagues Captain Liberty: [walking her dog - the dog is out of frame] You have to admit, he's much better behaved now. Batmanuel: Yes well, neutering a dog will have that affect. Though I must question your methods. The Tick: [walks up to greet, sees the dog] Yeesh, is that a platypus?
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - Arthur Needs Space (aka Arthur Needs His Space) Captain Liberty: ["the birds and the bees" from The Tick's perspective] Tick, sometimes when a man person, and his lady friend - blah blah blah Tick, blah blah blah wine and cheese, blah blah blah love, blah blah blah babies. Batmanuel: [jumping in] blah blah blah condom, blah blah blah call girl, blah blah blah paternity suit, blah blah blah excellent lawyer. The Tick: [stunned] Aah... Captain Liberty: Is that clear to you now? The Tick: Is what clear to who, when?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License The Tick: [his Super Hero application form has been turned down] My first letter of rejection, and I haven't even started my novel yet.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License The Tick: Does it really matter what you call me, Arthur? Or what I call you? Isn't the most important call the one we make to that party-line of the collective unconscious, that string of mysterious arbitrary digits that we add up on our mental abacus and call 'us'? We call us and who answers? We do. Batmanuel: What the hell did he just say?
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License Thelma Green: [at the DMV] I don't have all day. The Tick: Well I do. You can have half of mine.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License Woman: [running to The Tick] I've been worried to death. The Tick: Ah, ya poor zombie, that's a terrible way to die.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License Arthur: [concerned The Tick's so-called "wife"] This is like bigamy! The Tick: No Arthur, this is awfully big of you.
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The License The Tick: My truth engine is runnin' on fumes.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Couples Batmanuel: Poetic justice Arthur: Is there any other kind? The Tick: Puppet-show justice.
	Season 1 / Episode 3: - Couples The Tick: [seeing Francis in Arthur's suit] That is icky to infinity.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - The Funeral The Tick: When you get in bed with evil incarnate, it always takes the covers.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - The Funeral Arthur: Yes, I'm anal retentive. Believe me, I would change that if I could. The Tick: Good Lord, man, retain that anus. One day it's fruit may be the only thing that stands between us and total oblivion.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - The Funeral The Tick: [goading The Terror] Don't be an Adolf Quit-ler.
	Season 1 / Episode 2: - The Funeral The Tick: [to Arthur] Come on chum, don't be a cry baby, be a try baby.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot (aka The Tick vs The Red Scare) The Tick: [Arthur is getting pummeled by a bunch of goons] I sure would like a slice of your righteous combat pie. Arthur: [weakly] Help! The Tick: Awww Gee Thanks!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot (aka The Tick vs The Red Scare) The Tick: [trying to convince a hesitant Arthur to take on Apocalypse Cow] Fight fire with Arthur!
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot (aka The Tick vs The Red Scare) The Tick: [at the bottom of an elevator shaft] Gravity. It's a harsh mistress.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot (aka The Tick vs The Red Scare) Arthur: Apparently superheros are just a bunch of egotistical, self-centered, sexually frustrated kindergarteners. No offense intended. The Tick: None comprehended.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot (aka The Tick vs The Red Scare) The Tick: The life of a superhero is a lonely one filled with hardship and danger. The few who answer the call leave comfort, safety, and sanity behind. Someone's gotta stand the heat and stay in the kitchen. Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right, and strangled the red-hot throat of all that's wrong. This is that someone's story.
	Unknown Episode: The Tick: Armless bandit... Empty your bladder of that bitter black urine men call coffee! It has its price and its price has been paid! Java devil, you are now my bitch.
	Unknown Episode: The Tick: Who can deny the snazzy of that? [to Arthur] Are you denying the snazzy of that?

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