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The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
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Mr. Moseby Quotes
 | Season 3 / Episode 20: - Doin' Time in Suite 2330 Mr. Moseby: [after hearing Carey grounding Zack and Cody] Might I suggest 20 years on an island with boy-eating birds? Carey Martin: You might. Odd, but you might. |
| Season 3 / Episode 20: - Doin' Time in Suite 2330 Mr. Moseby: I don't know what hurt more - this little bride that jabbed me in the kidneys or the real one that kicked me in the shins! |
| Season 3 / Episode 20: - Doin' Time in Suite 2330 Mr. Moseby: I have often said that you that you are a terrible mother. Carey Martin: You have? Mr. Moseby: [pause] Maybe to other people. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 15: - A Tale of Two Houses Mr. Moseby: You must have some money saved. Esteban: Yes, I do. I saved about a million pestabas. Mr. Moseby: Well, that's good. Esteban: Except for in this country, it comes to about $1.40. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - A Tale of Two Houses Esteban: Oh, Mr. Moseby, I should've listened to you instead of Miss Spend-Now-Save-Never! Mr. Moseby: It's OK, Esteban. It's times like these that a man shows his true character. Esteban: You're right. I must show that I'm strong and I'm in control. [pause] Oh, I want that money! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 14: - Orchestra Mr. Moseby: London, I think you should call your father and tell him that the hotel business is not for you. London Tipton: But it is for me. It's in my blood. I'm a Tipton. Mr. Moseby: And you do what Tiptons do best. London Tipton: Cut down rainforests to put up resorts? Mr. Moseby: No. London Tipton: Finance takeovers in foreign countries to secure mining rights? Mr. Moseby: No, I meant do nothing. No one does nothing and orders people around better than you do. |
| Season 3 / Episode 14: - Orchestra London Tipton: Well, I did it! I've done all the jobs in the hotel, and now I'm ready to do yours. Mr. Moseby: Mine? London, you can't... London Tipton: Who do I yell at first? Mr. Moseby: My job isn't yelling at people. London Tipton: So you just do it for fun? Mr. Moseby: [yells] NO! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 9: - Lip Synchin' in the Rain Mr. Moseby: What was that terrible noise? London Tipton: I was singing Mr. Moseby: Not that noise. The other noise with someone else is making that drowned up your wonderful singing Carey Martin: Nice save. Mr. Moseby: London, Shall we get this dance lesson started? I want to get your moneys worth. Carey Martin: How much is she paying you? Mr. Moseby: 3 diamonds an hour Carey Martin: I am only getting two. I got robbed. London Tipton: Hey are we going to dance or what? Mr. Moseby: Yes. Yes. Now a good dancer dances from his soul. Step, step, kick, and shimmy shimmy shimmy, one two boogie and shortie short shortie short, fish tale fish tale, and crazy legs crazy legs, just square just square and big finish. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 8: - Arwin That Came To Dinner London Tipton: Mr. Moseby, Lance just dumped me. Throw him into the Tipton dungeon! Mr. Moseby: London, for the last time, we don't have a dungeon. London Tipton: Oh, really? Then what's that room at the bottom of the hotel? Mr. Moseby: That's the basement. London Tipton: Well, if that's so, then why do we have a fire-breathing dragon? Mr. Moseby: That's the furnace! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 2: - Summer of Our Discontent Mr. Moseby: Millicent, how are the candy sales this morning? Millicent: Sales? I'm supposed to charge people for candy? [whimpers] Mr. Moseby: Yes, that would explain the cash register. Millicent: Oops! I thought it was an ATM! I guess this cash belongs to you. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 1: - Graduation Zack Martin: I don't deserve this. Carey Martin: Sure you do, honey. We are all so proud of you. Zack Martin: But... Kurt: Yeah pal, you made us so proud. Zack Martin: No, I didn't! Cause I didn't graduate! Mr. Moseby: [sarcastic tone] There's a shock. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 34: - Health & Fitness Maddie Fitzpatrick: [Talking about needle] Mr. Moseby's afraid. Mr. Moseby: Oh, pish posh! I'd laugh at that needle! Ha! Zack Martin: Well here's your chance. It's right there. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 33: - Miniature Golf Mr. Moseby: Thought your shift was over, Madeline? Maddie Fitzpatrick: It is, but I thought I'd stay and, uh, do a little inventory. Mr. Moseby: Couldn't resist listening in on London's book club, could you? Maddie Fitzpatrick: I can't help it! It's just too bizarre! Chelsea: [to the girls in the book club] Okay, everyone, let's get the discussion started. London Tipton: It's about time. [Opens her book] Can we talk about Paris? [Closes her book] Did you guys see that hideous pink dress she wore to the Gala last night? It looked like she threw up a flamingo! Maddie Fitzpatrick: They're not even discussing the book! Mr. Moseby: And you're surprised because? |
| Season 2 / Episode 33: - Miniature Golf London Tipton: Girls, let's turn to real issues... what do you think of my hair? Maddie Fitzpatrick: I'm horrified! Mr. Moseby: I think her hair looks nice. It's shiny. Maddie Fitzpatrick: Did any of you even read the book? Tiffany: Well, my butler was reading it to me, but my cell phone rang. It was Bradley Wiggins! Chelsea: Oooh, he's cute! Tiffany: I know! And he said he's thinking of dumping Allison for me! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 29: - Nurse Zack Arwin: [screaming] IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII FIXED IT! Mr. Moseby: Fixed what? Arwin: EVERYTHING! [suddenly there is a loud crash]... Except that! |
| Season 2 / Episode 29: - Nurse Zack Mr. Moseby: Good luck with that. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 28: - Birdman of Boston Patrick: Mr. Moseby. Joining us for dinner? Might I suggest the duck a la splat? Mr. Moseby: Oh, you heard, huh? Patrick: Or the chicken bomb bay? Patrick: A little bird told me. Mr. Moseby: Mmm-hmm. That's very funny, Patrick. Keep it up, and the next restaurant you work at, you'll be wearing a paper hat. Patrick: Okay, okay, I'm done. That last one was pretty cheap. Maddie Fitzpatrick: Cheep-cheep. |
| Season 2 / Episode 28: - Birdman of Boston Maddie Fitzpatrick: [Mr. Moseby wants the hawk to be taken to the zoo to get it away from the hotel] I know Cody. And he'll never put his baby in a cage! Mr. Moseby: Oh! Well, maybe the zoo will also take the twins! Oh, happy day! |
| Season 2 / Episode 28: - Birdman of Boston Maddie Fitzpatrick: And that's why it should be able to fly free! Mr. Moseby: [the hawk splats on his shoulder once more] And that's why I'm running out of suits... |
 | Season 2 / Episode 27: - Ah Wilderness Warren: My maple leaf, actually smells like maple. Bob: I don't understand why my oak leaf doesn't smell like oak. Mr. Moseby: That's because it's poison oak. Bob: [quickly drops his leaf] That must explain the itching. Mr. Moseby: That's okay I've got some ointment for that, it is critical that you don't... Bob: [grabbing Moesby's arm] What! Mr. Moseby: ...touch anyone. |
| Season 2 / Episode 27: - Ah Wilderness Mr. Moseby: Cody, didn't I tell you to tie the food bag up with a rope? Cody Martin: Yes, but as a ranking koala bear, I decided to delegate, so I asked Bob to do it. Bob: And I asked Warren to do it. Warren: And I forgot to do it! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 26: - Scary Movie Carey Martin: [finding Zack in the lobby, still sleepwalking] Zack, wake up. Mr. Moseby: You can't wake him up. I have tried everything. Carey Martin: Zack, I'm making chocolate chip pancakes. Zack Martin: Cool, I'll have twelve. [he looks around] Hey, where am I? What am I doing in the lobby in my pajamas? [he looks at Cody wrapped up in bubble wrap] Although, as silly outfits go, I come in second. Carey Martin: You were sleepwalking, trying to protect yourself from zombie moms. Zack Martin: Well, that's strange, because we didn't go to see that scary movie, did we, Cody? Cody Martin: It was Zack's idea! Zack Martin: Thanks, man. |
| Season 2 / Episode 26: - Scary Movie Mr. Moseby: [when he catches Zack moving the lobby furniture] A-HA! I caught you red-handed! OK mister, let's have a litle talk about this, shall we? Yes! You're the one who's putting all the furniture... [Zack continues] Where are you going? Whoa, whoa... Listen up. I want you to listen to me young man. I don't want you putting any more furniture... What are you doing? Where were you when I moved out of my parents' place? Mr. Moseby: [while Zack is sleepwalking] Now Zack, stop it! Zack Martin: [in a monotone] Yes, stop zombies. Mr. Moseby: No, stop re-decorating! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 23: - Lost In Translation Mr. Moseby: [shouting] How do you lose a woman? Cody Martin: You forget to cherish her. |
| Season 2 / Episode 23: - Lost In Translation Zack Martin: [wearing a kimono] Nice tie. Mr. Moseby: [looks at Zack's kimono] Nice dress. Zack Martin: Touche. |
| Season 2 / Episode 23: - Lost In Translation Mr. Moseby: Ugh. Right now, I'd be happy if you sung "If You're Happy and You Know It". Carey Martin, Kumiko Mori: I know that one! [Mr. Moseby groans] |
| Season 2 / Episode 23: - Lost In Translation Mr. Moseby: Maddie, did you stock the sushi candy? Maddie Fitzpatrick: And the seaweed cookies. Yum! Zack Martin: What are we having, a convention of seals? [he barks and claps like a seal; Maddie throws him a piece of candy] Mr. Moseby: No, an important Japanese company is coming, and it would be swell if they came again next year. So I would like them to feel at home. Cody Martin: How come you never want us to feel at home? Mr. Moseby: You're kidding, right? |
| Season 2 / Episode 23: - Lost In Translation Mr. Moseby: [trying to escort Kumiko away from the twins] Okay, let me show you to your room. Cody Martin: Wait! I want to practice my Japanese. [says to Kumiko in Japanese:] My belly button grows watermelons. Kumiko Mori: [to Moseby, uneasily] Don't send the fruit basket to my room. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 21: - What The Hey? Mr. Moseby: Oh, dear, did I just hear you say there's another new Mrs. Tipton? London Tipton: Ah uh. Mr. Moseby: I wish I would've known. I would have bought them an extravagant gift, although the warranties on my last two gifts lasted longer than the marriages. London Tipton: I don't get him anything, he gets me a "Sorry I got married again without telling you" charm for my bracelet. Look, I got five of them now, they're all solid gold. Maddie Fitzpatrick: Oooh, can I try it on? [London puts the bracelet on Maddie] It's kinda heavy. [Maddie falls over with the weight of the bracelet] |
| Season 2 / Episode 21: - What The Hey? Brandi: London, it's so nice to meet you. Your father's told me all about you. [hugs London] London Tipton: Moseby, why is this stranger hugging me? Mr. Moseby: She's your stepmother. London Tipton: Moseby, why is my stepmother hugging me? Brandi: Because I love you, silly. London Tipton: You just met me. Brandi: I know, but I already love you. You're my daughter, and you're perfect in every way. Maddie Fitzpatrick: Wait until you get to know her. |
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