The Simpsons Quotes

The Simpsons

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 21 / Episode 4: - Treehouse of Horror XX Lisa Simpson: Apu, how did you survive? Apu: As a vegetarian, I did not eat any tainted burgers. And as a convenience store owner, I'm armed to the teeth.
	Season 21 / Episode 4: - Treehouse of Horror XX Marge Simpson: Let us in. We have the chosen one. Soldier: Welcome, son. To survive, all we must do is eat your flesh. Marge Simpson: Hold it right there, bub. What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their saviour?
	Season 21 / Episode 4: - Treehouse of Horror XX Krusty the Clown: Oww! That's my cash checking arm, you idiot!
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Homer Simpson: I share your xylophobia! Lisa Simpson: No, Dad, you mean "xenophobia". Xylophobia would be the fear of xylophones. Homer Simpson: I am afraid of xylophones. It's the music you hear when skeletons are dancing!
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Krusty's Agent: It turns out the Krustyburger is the most unhealthy fast food item ever. Krusty the Clown: Even worse than the Double Krustyburger? Krusty's Agent: Apparently, yes.
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Homer Simpson: [eating a Mother Nature Burger] I'm saving the planet! Where's my Nobel Prize?
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Milhouse: Minnesota Vikings apparel? This is Tennessee Titans territory!
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Marge Simpson: Look, Maggie. We have a nanny, just like Joe Piscopo and Ethan Hawke left their wives for.
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Marge Simpson: You lost your job? Homer Simpson: It's not my fault! Those barleyjacks filled me up with their liqueurs and liquors, but mostly the liqueurs.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Julio: [Upon seeing a burning ship heading towards him] Normally I love to see flaming dreamboats heading my way, but not like this, baby! Not like this!
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Selma Bouvier: [as Elizabeth I] I don't need a man, for I have England. Moe Szyslak: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Lisa Simpson: This bed's too hard. This bed's too soft. This bed is just... like the first one, also too hard. I guess I'll sleep in the one that's too soft.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Maggie Simpson: Throughout the years, the finger painter, the Play-Doh sculptor, the Lincoln Logger, was unappreciated by the daycare teacher of her day. She did not create for aproval stickers, she created for the glory of all of humanity. Those are my terms. I cannot play by any others. Now, if the jury will allow me, it's naptime.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Homer Simpson: [as Sir Walter Raleigh] Your Majesty, I come from the New World with a gift: a healthful and slimming herb, tobacco.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Homer Simpson: Marge, I need some bribe money. Chief Wiggum: Well, don't say it so loud. Marge Simpson: All I have is some dry cleaner coupons. Chief Wiggum: Deal. [Takes coupons and lets Homer go] Homer Simpson: Thanks, Marge. But remember, there's still the civil lawsuit.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Lenny: There's something in our house. Moe Szyslak: Let's put a pick axe in its brain! Lenny: You're in marketing. Why do you even have a pick axe? Moe Szyslak: If you were in marketing, you'd know.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Miss Hoover: Three, two, one. Now I have tenure, so I'll let Ralph teach the class from now on. Ralph Wiggum: Attention, class. In what year was two plus two. Answer: Ralph the magnificent! [Jumps out window]
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Lisa Simpson: It says here that Springfield Elementary is so bad it's two deviations below the norm. Homer Simpson: Oh, I can't understand that math reference because I went to Springfield Elementary!
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh City Inspector: [Flips coin] Call it, friendo. Homer Simpson: Heads! No, tails! No, on its side! [coin falls on it side] City Inspector: Well played.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Marge Simpson: This is your first day at a new school. Lisa, have fun. Bart, don't.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Marge Simpson: I love tapas. They're like appetizers for a meal that never comes.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Alaska Nebraska: I am so sick of fans in my food.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Marge Simpson: The bottle label is all in lowercase. It's like I'm drinking e.e. cummings.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh City Inspector: "Go, Dog, Go", pages missing. Lego spaceship, poorly constructed. Clearly this is the appartment of elementary school children. Too bad. I was really looking forward to killing you and making it look like a suicide. Homer Simpson: Oh, thank you, friendo! City Inspector: I am not your friendo. Homer Simpson: But I thought...
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Bart Simpson: We have to go back to Springfield. I just remembered I was playing hide-and-seek with Milhouse. Milhouse: [In the dumpster back of the Kwik-E Mart] Three weeks! This must be a new record!
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Homer Simpson: [depressed] I tried to fix the kids' lives, but instead I led them to rich and rewarding personal decisions of their own.
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Homer Simpson: Ooh, lamb kebab! Homer Simpson: Ooh, chicken kebab! Homer Simpson: [grabbing a lit fire juggling stick] Ooh, fire kebab! Lisa Simpson: Dad, no! Bart Simpson: [cutting in front of Lisa] Dad, yes!
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Homer Simpson: [Watching Bart and Lisa at school] My son is a loser, and my daughter is a loner. Way to go, Marge!
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Marge Simpson: It feels like a sauna in here. [Sees sign over door reading "Springfield Saunas"] It is a sauna! It must have been put here by a previous owner. This house is full of surprises, but this is the first one that's pleasant.
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Marge Simpson: Here, Homer. Have some beets. I boiled all the red out of them. Homer Simpson: Oh, I can still taste undercurrents of pink. Lisa Simpson: Here, dad. Maybe this will help. Homer Simpson: It feels like food, but it has no flavor whatsoever! What is it? Lisa Simpson: Mac and cheese from the school cafeteria. The blandest food known to man.

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