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Marge Simpson Quotes
 | Season 24 / Episode 9: - Homer Goes to Prep School Bart Simpson: Smart Tykes? You promised us we were going somewhere fun! Homer Simpson: Yeah, you promised, mom! Marge Simpson: I keep telling you stop calling me Mom. Homer Simpson: Yes, Mrs. Simpson. |
| Season 24 / Episode 9: - Homer Goes to Prep School Marge Simpson: You call yourself a good Christian? Homer Simpson: If Jesus had a gun, he'd be alive today. |
 | Season 24 / Episode 8: - To Cur With Love Marge Simpson: The pound hasn't reported any greyhounds, but they have a daschund, a schnauzer and a pregnant raccoon. Homer Simpson: Sounds like a trade up. How much for the pregnant raccoon? Marge Simpson: We're not getting a raccoon! Homer Simpson: Good, Marge. Get the price down. |
| Season 24 / Episode 8: - To Cur With Love Homer Simpson: Well, I can't lift anything this heavy without my weightlifting belt. [Bends down to reach belt, but cracks his back and moans] Marge Simpson: You know you can't lift your weightlifting belt without wearing your weightlifting belt. |
 | Season 24 / Episode 7: - The Day the Earth Stood Cool Marge Simpson: [Picks up copy of The Onion] "Scientists Prove That Cat Heaven Is Real But People Heaven Is Not"? That's so sad. Emily: No, Marge. It's not a real headline. It's satire. Marge Simpson: Oh, satire. And these fake movie reviews are so mean, they're hilarious! Emily: No, those are real reviews. Marge Simpson: Great newspaper. |
 | Season 24 / Episode 6: - A Tree Grows in Springfield Marge Simpson: Homer, don't you think you're putting all your eggs on one basket? Homer Simpson: What do you want me to do, put each egg on one basket? Marge Simpson: Hmm, I guess you're right. I better scratch that off my list of things to say. |
 | Season 24 / Episode 3: - Adventures in Baby-Getting Marge Simpson: The reason I don't want this car is because... I want to have another baby. Homer Simpson: An on-purpose baby? |
 | Season 24 / Episode 2: - Treehouse of Horror XXIII Marge Simpson: Quit bageling my English muffin! |
 | Season 24 / Episode 1: - Moonshine River Marge Simpson: Our search for culture is thus concluded / For which the bard of Avon is well suited / In a stage production with cell phones muted. Geez, I can't stop talking like that. |
 | Season 23 / Episode 21: - Ned ‘N Edna’s Blend Homer Simpson: Welcome to married life. Another good man bites the dust. Marge Simpson: Homer! Homer Simpson: What? I'm talking about that guy. [Points to man on the next bed, who is flatlining and being carted out] I sure envy him. |
 | Season 23 / Episode 18: - Beware My Cheating Bart Homer Simpson: She walked away, and she slammed the door. What does it mean? Marge Simpson: It means that I'm mad! Homer Simpson: That is such a first take answer. |
 | Season 23 / Episode 15: - Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart Lisa Simpson: I don't think dad is coming. Marge Simpson: [Looking at a painting of Homer as a horse's ass] I can see how this show isn't to his liking. |
 | Season 23 / Episode 14: - At Long Last Leave Bart Simpson: How you doing, Mr. Assange? Julian Assange: That's my personal information and you have no right to know about it. Hey, but we're neighbors. Would you like to come over for a movie sometime? Marge Simpson: Is it Iraqi journalists being murdered? Julian Assange: Don't be ridiculous. It's an Afghan wedding being bombed. Homer Simpson: Well I have a really big secret for you. [whispers] I'm not wearing any underwear. Julian Assange: You know, you should really get out less. |
| Season 23 / Episode 14: - At Long Last Leave Marge Simpson: It says here we have to stay inside the shelter for three hours. Homer Simpson: So if you have to fart, do it now. Marge Simpson: Homer! What if those were your last words on Earth? Homer Simpson: Honey, you know my last words will be "I can outrun that lion." |
| Season 23 / Episode 14: - At Long Last Leave Moe Szyslak: The monsters are here! Marge Simpson: Moe, it's us. We've been your friends for years. Moe Szyslak: The queen monster is coming on to me! |
| Season 23 / Episode 14: - At Long Last Leave Mayor Quimby: Marge, you're a kind, compassionate woman who makes us see your family in a new light. Marge Simpson: Thank you. Mayor Quimby: Which is why you're the worst Simpson of all! |
 | Season 23 / Episode 13: - The Daughter Also Rises Marge Simpson: It's a beautiful day outside. No more watching TV. Bart Simpson: Little does she know that our viewing platforms are multi. |
 | Season 23 / Episode 11: - The D'oh-cial Network Marge Simpson: Homer, stop watching movies that are playing on other people's cars. Homer Simpson: Oh, but I'm invested in the characters. |
| Season 23 / Episode 11: - The D'oh-cial Network Homer Simpson: This new computer is great. I'm watching a Sofia Coppola movie at twenty times the speed so that it looks like a regular movie. Marge Simpson: I think it just froze. No, wait. That bird just moved. |
 | Season 23 / Episode 10: - Politically Inept, With Homer Simpson Lisa Simpson: Dad, how could you choose Ted Nugent for president? He's a right-wing rocker who likes everything I hate! Bart Simpson: Could there be anyone more awesomer? Ted Nugent: Who wants elk? [Throws a dead elk on the table; Lisa screams and runs away] Marge Simpson: My daughter is a vegetarian. Ted Nugent: That's okay. She can nibble on one of the antlers. Antlers ain't meat. |
| Season 23 / Episode 10: - Politically Inept, With Homer Simpson Marge Simpson: Homer, you can win this argument. Just rant like you do to sports on TV. |
 | Season 23 / Episode 8: - The Ten-Per-Cent Solution Marge Simpson: What was your favorite thing at the museum? Lisa Simpson: I liked the knowledgeable docents. Bart Simpson: I liked the early closing time. |
| Season 23 / Episode 8: - The Ten-Per-Cent Solution Marge Simpson: Wasn't that show just a rip-off of The Honeymooners? Homer Simpson: Every show is a rip-off of The Honeymooners. Baby, you're the greatest. Marge Simpson: Oh, Ralph, Fred, Archie, King of Queens... I mean, Homer. |
 | Season 23 / Episode 7: - The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants Bart Simpson: You want me to read to Lisa? You might as well ask me to kiss her. Marge Simpson: If you kissed your sister, that would be lovely. Bart Simpson: All right! I'll read to her! Homer Simpson: And kiss her. Lisa Simpson: Doesn't anyone want my opinion on this? |
| Season 23 / Episode 7: - The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants Homer Simpson: My coworkers are like family, but in many ways my family is like family. Marge Simpson: Homer, I gave you three kids. Homer Simpson: Whose side are you on? Marge Simpson: Your side! I've always been on your side! |
 | Season 23 / Episode 5: - The Food Wife Marge Simpson: This is nice. A family fun day. Homer Simpson: [to kids] Here's fifty bucks. [hands kids $50 bill] For the next two hours, I don't want to know you exist. [laughs] Homer Simpson: Family fun day. [kisses Marge] |
| Season 23 / Episode 5: - The Food Wife Marge Simpson: And here's a marble for Lisa for cleaning her room. And a marble for Bart for not trashing Lisa's room. The jars are full! So, you've earned your Saturday Surprise Dad Day! Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson: Yay! Homer Simpson: This Saturday, from the dad who brought you cemetery paintball, and go-karts on real roads, comes the greatest activity yet... Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson: Video game convention! |
| Season 23 / Episode 5: - The Food Wife Marge Simpson: The kids sure had a good time with you. Homer Simpson: Yeah, I was on today. Scary on. Marge Simpson: How come they never call me Fun Mom? Homer Simpson: Look, honey. A family's like a team. And on every team, you have the slam-dunking megastar and the referee. Marge Simpson: It's not fair. Moms want to be fun, but we're stuck with all the mom stuff. Homer Simpson: OK, OK. How about this: Next week, you take the kids on a Saturday Surprise Dad Day? Marge Simpson: What if, we rolled pennies and go to the dollar store? Homer Simpson: That's good, Marge. Get all the terrible ideas out of your system. |
| Season 23 / Episode 5: - The Food Wife Marge Simpson: Why do old squirrels crawl into my engine to die? |
 | Season 23 / Episode 4: - Replaceable You Homer Simpson: I learned something today. Did you know that my work is the reason I get those checks every week? And now that I've been demoted, those checks have gotten smaller. Not in physical size, but in... Marge Simpson: I know! |
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