Marge Simpson

The Simpsons

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Played by:

Julie Kavner

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Marge Simpson Quotes

	Season 21 / Episode 4: - Treehouse of Horror XX Marge Simpson: Let us in. We have the chosen one. Soldier: Welcome, son. To survive, all we must do is eat your flesh. Marge Simpson: Hold it right there, bub. What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their saviour?
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Marge Simpson: Look, Maggie. We have a nanny, just like Joe Piscopo and Ethan Hawke left their wives for.
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Marge Simpson: You lost your job? Homer Simpson: It's not my fault! Those barleyjacks filled me up with their liqueurs and liquors, but mostly the liqueurs.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Homer Simpson: Marge, I need some bribe money. Chief Wiggum: Well, don't say it so loud. Marge Simpson: All I have is some dry cleaner coupons. Chief Wiggum: Deal. [Takes coupons and lets Homer go] Homer Simpson: Thanks, Marge. But remember, there's still the civil lawsuit.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Marge Simpson: This is your first day at a new school. Lisa, have fun. Bart, don't.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Marge Simpson: I love tapas. They're like appetizers for a meal that never comes.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Marge Simpson: The bottle label is all in lowercase. It's like I'm drinking e.e. cummings.
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Marge Simpson: It feels like a sauna in here. [Sees sign over door reading "Springfield Saunas"] It is a sauna! It must have been put here by a previous owner. This house is full of surprises, but this is the first one that's pleasant.
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Marge Simpson: Here, Homer. Have some beets. I boiled all the red out of them. Homer Simpson: Oh, I can still taste undercurrents of pink. Lisa Simpson: Here, dad. Maybe this will help. Homer Simpson: It feels like food, but it has no flavor whatsoever! What is it? Lisa Simpson: Mac and cheese from the school cafeteria. The blandest food known to man.
	Season 20 / Episode 17: - The Good, the Sad and the Drugly Bart Simpson: If I had known setting the table was this easy, I would have done it years ago, instead of throwing all those tantrums. Marge Simpson: Oh, Bart! You've finally become the kind of boy every mother dreams of: A girl!
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Marge Simpson: I want every table to have two baskets of bread but only one plate of butter. That will stimulate conversation. Homer Simpson: What if we... Marge Simpson: There is no "we" in "wedding". Homer Simpson: But there is, Marge: the first two letters. Marge Simpson: I can't believe you're ruining the second Thursday before the wedding!
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Homer Simpson: Well, forget it, padre. We don't need a piece of paper to tell us we're happy. Me and the old lady have our own thing going on. Marge Simpson: Who are you calling an old lady? Homer Simpson: I need that paper, quick!
	Season 20 / Episode 14: - In the Name of the Grandfather Marge Simpson: I feel like we should get out. Homer Simpson: Interesting proposal. And now, with a rebuttal, bubbles!
	Season 20 / Episode 14: - In the Name of the Grandfather Lisa Simpson: Ireland is the leader in communication technologies in all of Europe. Bart Simpson: Take that, Belgium! Marge Simpson: Bart, if you hate Belgium so much, I'll take away your Tin Tins. Bart Simpson: No, I'll be good!
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Marge Simpson: Oh my god, oh my god! We're totally liable! Homer Simpson: Oh yeah.
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Marge Simpson, Homer Simpson: Three, two, one... Happy new year! Marge Simpson: Of school! Bart Simpson: What are you guys doing? Marge Simpson: It's the first day of school. Homer Simpson: You're the government's problem now!
	Season 20 / Episode 9: - Lisa the Drama Queen Marge Simpson: Here's a few best friend tips. Always compliment her on her looks, and if a dog barks at you, don't make a big deal about it... Homer Simpson: A friendship is just like a marriage. The key is to listen. And if a dog barks at you, don't make a big deal about it. Marge Simpson: Homer, I just said that! Homer Simpson: Whatever you say, honey. If it makes you feel any better, you said it.
	Season 20 / Episode 9: - Lisa the Drama Queen Lisa Simpson: You can't keep us apart. I'll disobey! Marge Simpson: I'm Bart Simpson's mother. You think you know any tricks I haven't seen? [after Marge leaves, Lisa sneaks out the window and climbs down the tree, but Marge is waiting beneath with a laundry basket] Bart Simpson, age 3. [after they leave, Bart comes out of a hidden door in the tree, wearing ninja clothes and holding a skateboard] Bart Simpson: Bart Simpson, age 10.
	Season 20 / Episode 8: - The Burns and the Bees Homer Simpson: Marge, remember when we were discussing our greatest fears? Mine was snakes, and yours was... Marge Simpson: Never having grandchildren. Homer Simpson: Really? I thought it was Lisa with a beard of bees. Well, anyway, brace yourself.
	Season 20 / Episode 8: - The Burns and the Bees Lisa Simpson: I'll miss them. Marge Simpson: Now you know how I'll feel when you go off to college. Lisa Simpson: Don't worry, mom. You'll always have Bart. Always. Marge Simpson: But he'll be away fixing refrigerators. Lisa Simpson: Always!
	Season 20 / Episode 7: - Mypods and Boomsticks Marge Simpson: Remember, we each get to return one Christmas gift without complaining. Lisa Simpson: I'm returning this kitten calendar. [Calendar has "from Bart" sticker on it] Homer Simpson: I'm also returning the kitten calendar. Marge Simpson: Kitten calendar. [Maggie holds up calendar] Bart Simpson: Fine. That's the last time I shop for all of you at the last minute.
	Season 20 / Episode 7: - Mypods and Boomsticks Marge Simpson: Lisa, add a new name to our Christmas list, next to our Jewish friends. Say, where is Lisa? Bart Simpson: She said something about going to the bottom of the ocean and she'll be back in a month.
	Season 20 / Episode 6: - Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words Lisa Simpson: Guess what, mom? I'm a cruciverbalist! Marge Simpson: Oh, Lisa, another religion? You know, you'll just drop the whole thing at college when you get a Jewish boyfriend.
	Season 20 / Episode 6: - Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words Homer Simpson: Marge, I'm going to a hard-core gay club, and I won't be back until three in the morning! Marge Simpson: Have fun!
	Season 20 / Episode 5: - Dangerous Curves Homer Simpson: How many times must I say I'm sorry? Marge Simpson: You haven't said you're sorry. Homer Simpson: I know. I was hoping the number would be zero.
	Season 20 / Episode 4: - Treehouse of Horror XIX Milhouse: I like your witch costume, Lisa. Lisa Simpson: I'm not a witch, I'm a Wiccan. Why is it that whenever a woman is strong and powerful, they call her a witch? [Muted trombone vocalizes] You said something, mom? Marge Simpson: No, I was just practicing my trombone.
	Season 20 / Episode 1: - Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes Marge Simpson: This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's Day until Irish people showed up.
	Season 19 / Episode 19: - Mona Leaves-a Bart Simpson: Maggie's thing? She won't even remember it. Marge Simpson: You never remember the nice things we do for you. Bart Simpson: Like what? Marge Simpson: Food. Bart Simpson: Pass! Marge Simpson: Shelter. Bart Simpson: That dump? Marge Simpson: Clothing. Bart Simpson: I wouldn't blow my nose on this! [takes off sweater and throws it in the trash]
	Season 19 / Episode 19: - Mona Leaves-a Lisa Simpson: I want a poodle! Marge Simpson: I'd stay away from poodles. They give the dog... ideas.
	Season 19 / Episode 15: - Smoke on the Daughter Marge Simpson: Lisa, have I ever shown you my shattered-dreams box? Lisa Simpson: No. Marge Simpson: It's upstairs, in my disappointments closet. Lisa Simpson: Oh! Oh.

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