Homer Simpson

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Dan Castellaneta

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Homer Simpson Quotes

	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Homer Simpson: I share your xylophobia! Lisa Simpson: No, Dad, you mean "xenophobia". Xylophobia would be the fear of xylophones. Homer Simpson: I am afraid of xylophones. It's the music you hear when skeletons are dancing!
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Homer Simpson: [eating a Mother Nature Burger] I'm saving the planet! Where's my Nobel Prize?
	Season 20 / Episode 21: - Coming to Homerica Marge Simpson: You lost your job? Homer Simpson: It's not my fault! Those barleyjacks filled me up with their liqueurs and liquors, but mostly the liqueurs.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Homer Simpson: [as Sir Walter Raleigh] Your Majesty, I come from the New World with a gift: a healthful and slimming herb, tobacco.
	Season 20 / Episode 20: - Four Great Women and a Manicure Homer Simpson: Marge, I need some bribe money. Chief Wiggum: Well, don't say it so loud. Marge Simpson: All I have is some dry cleaner coupons. Chief Wiggum: Deal. [Takes coupons and lets Homer go] Homer Simpson: Thanks, Marge. But remember, there's still the civil lawsuit.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Lisa Simpson: It says here that Springfield Elementary is so bad it's two deviations below the norm. Homer Simpson: Oh, I can't understand that math reference because I went to Springfield Elementary!
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh City Inspector: [Flips coin] Call it, friendo. Homer Simpson: Heads! No, tails! No, on its side! [coin falls on it side] City Inspector: Well played.
	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh City Inspector: "Go, Dog, Go", pages missing. Lego spaceship, poorly constructed. Clearly this is the appartment of elementary school children. Too bad. I was really looking forward to killing you and making it look like a suicide. Homer Simpson: Oh, thank you, friendo! City Inspector: I am not your friendo. Homer Simpson: But I thought...
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Homer Simpson: [depressed] I tried to fix the kids' lives, but instead I led them to rich and rewarding personal decisions of their own.
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Homer Simpson: Ooh, lamb kebab! Homer Simpson: Ooh, chicken kebab! Homer Simpson: [grabbing a lit fire juggling stick] Ooh, fire kebab! Lisa Simpson: Dad, no! Bart Simpson: [cutting in front of Lisa] Dad, yes!
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Homer Simpson: [Watching Bart and Lisa at school] My son is a loser, and my daughter is a loner. Way to go, Marge!
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Marge Simpson: Here, Homer. Have some beets. I boiled all the red out of them. Homer Simpson: Oh, I can still taste undercurrents of pink. Lisa Simpson: Here, dad. Maybe this will help. Homer Simpson: It feels like food, but it has no flavor whatsoever! What is it? Lisa Simpson: Mac and cheese from the school cafeteria. The blandest food known to man.
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Lisa Simpson: Dad, if I join a clique, I'd become someone I hate. Homer Simpson: Lisa, our country was founded by a clique, the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples. Lisa Simpson: Those are good examples.
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Lisa Simpson: Dad, I don't want to hurt people. Homer Simpson: Very well. I guess you don't need this big girl book. Lisa Simpson: I'm a big girl!
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Homer Simpson: I'm a good father to both my children. [to Maggie] Well, hello there. Who do you belong to?
	Season 20 / Episode 16: - Eeny Teeny Maya Moe Moe Szyslak: [after Maya dumps him, Moe is cleaning his empty bar when Homer comes in] Whatsa matter, Homer? Homer Simpson: Not a thing in the world. Moe Szyslak: Yeah, I wish I could say the same. Homer Simpson: Moe, this is a great thing for you. You went from sitting on the sidelines to getting in the game! Sometime, when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that'll make you smile.
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Marge Simpson: I want every table to have two baskets of bread but only one plate of butter. That will stimulate conversation. Homer Simpson: What if we... Marge Simpson: There is no "we" in "wedding". Homer Simpson: But there is, Marge: the first two letters. Marge Simpson: I can't believe you're ruining the second Thursday before the wedding!
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Homer Simpson: [to Marge] You deserve a wedding that, unlike our children, was planned in advance.
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Homer Simpson: Well, forget it, padre. We don't need a piece of paper to tell us we're happy. Me and the old lady have our own thing going on. Marge Simpson: Who are you calling an old lady? Homer Simpson: I need that paper, quick!
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Homer Simpson: Reverend, what are you doing delivering our pizza? But we didn't order any pizza. Plus, you forgot the pizza. Marge, the pizza place screwed up again!
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Homer Simpson: I'm chained to a wall like a common bicycle! But who would do that to me? I would have to be someone who could afford a chain.
	Season 20 / Episode 14: - In the Name of the Grandfather Bart Simpson: A house and garden show? [Bart, Lisa and Homer groan] You told me we were going to a video game expo! Lisa Simpson: You told me we were going to clean trash on the freeway! Homer Simpson: You told me something but I wasn't listening!
	Season 20 / Episode 14: - In the Name of the Grandfather Marge Simpson: I feel like we should get out. Homer Simpson: Interesting proposal. And now, with a rebuttal, bubbles!
	Season 20 / Episode 14: - In the Name of the Grandfather Ned Flanders: Guys, could you cool your jets? Some of us are trying to sleep. Homer Simpson: Why don't you join us, Flanders? Are you afraid to get your moustache wet? Ned Flanders: Well, actually, yes. Bart Simpson: Come on, Ned. Baptize your buns.
	Season 20 / Episode 12: - No Loan Again, Naturally Lenny: Homer, how can you afford this Mardi Gras party every year? Homer Simpson: Well, it's a little thing called a home equity loan. I spend all the money I want, and the house gets stuck with the bill. He he he he! Sucker.
	Season 20 / Episode 12: - No Loan Again, Naturally Moe Szyslak: Here's what you do: get the media to expose what kind of monster he really is. Homer Simpson: Oh, yeah. Just like Dateline did to you. Moe Szyslak: Yeah, three times. The third was nominated for a Peabody, whatever that is.
	Season 20 / Episode 12: - No Loan Again, Naturally Homer Simpson: Squeaky board here, crack on the wall there, poltergeist in the closet... Bart Simpson: [In closet, dressed as ghost] Ooooh! I died when Homer sat on me! Homer Simpson: [Strangles Bart] Why you little... I'm the victim here!
	Season 20 / Episode 12: - No Loan Again, Naturally Homer Simpson: Now he's nailing something to our door. Lisa Simpson: Hmm. I wonder if it's theses? Homer Simpson: Eww, that's gross.
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Marge Simpson: Oh my god, oh my god! We're totally liable! Homer Simpson: Oh yeah.
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Homer Simpson: Insurance is the greatest deal ever. If I get hurt, I get paid. And man do I get hurt! [cut to a montage of Homer's previous injuries] Homer Simpson: [laughs] What a week.

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