Bart Simpson

The Simpsons

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Played by:

Nancy Cartwright

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Bart Simpson Quotes

	Season 20 / Episode 19: - Waverly Hills, 9021-D'Oh Bart Simpson: We have to go back to Springfield. I just remembered I was playing hide-and-seek with Milhouse. Milhouse: [In the dumpster back of the Kwik-E Mart] Three weeks! This must be a new record!
	Season 20 / Episode 18: - Father Knows Worst Homer Simpson: Ooh, lamb kebab! Homer Simpson: Ooh, chicken kebab! Homer Simpson: [grabbing a lit fire juggling stick] Ooh, fire kebab! Lisa Simpson: Dad, no! Bart Simpson: [cutting in front of Lisa] Dad, yes!
	Season 20 / Episode 17: - The Good, the Sad and the Drugly Bart Simpson: If I had known setting the table was this easy, I would have done it years ago, instead of throwing all those tantrums. Marge Simpson: Oh, Bart! You've finally become the kind of boy every mother dreams of: A girl!
	Season 20 / Episode 17: - The Good, the Sad and the Drugly Jenny: Are you trying to tell me our entire relationship is based on lies? Bart Simpson: Not everything, just the things I said.
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Bart Simpson: So if you weren't married, does that mean I'm a bastard? Lisa Simpson: We were borned when they were married, so in the literal sense, no. But in the sense of someone being angry at you, yes.
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Bart Simpson: So, did you take any breaks yesterday, like, to kidnap our father? Krusty The Clown: Impossible. He was with me the whole day. We watched the special edition DVD of House Of Sand And Fog, then slept together for warmth, got up, had a little nosh, watched the DVD again with the director's commentary. Sideshow Bob: The director was an ass.
	Season 20 / Episode 15: - Wedding For Disaster Bart Simpson: If you don't want us to tell, you're gonna have to pay. Patty Bouvier: Pay what? Bart Simpson: Don't ask me. She's the brains. I'm the thing that's not the brains.
	Season 20 / Episode 14: - In the Name of the Grandfather Bart Simpson: A house and garden show? [Bart, Lisa and Homer groan] You told me we were going to a video game expo! Lisa Simpson: You told me we were going to clean trash on the freeway! Homer Simpson: You told me something but I wasn't listening!
	Season 20 / Episode 14: - In the Name of the Grandfather Ned Flanders: Guys, could you cool your jets? Some of us are trying to sleep. Homer Simpson: Why don't you join us, Flanders? Are you afraid to get your moustache wet? Ned Flanders: Well, actually, yes. Bart Simpson: Come on, Ned. Baptize your buns.
	Season 20 / Episode 14: - In the Name of the Grandfather Lisa Simpson: Ireland is the leader in communication technologies in all of Europe. Bart Simpson: Take that, Belgium! Marge Simpson: Bart, if you hate Belgium so much, I'll take away your Tin Tins. Bart Simpson: No, I'll be good!
	Season 20 / Episode 12: - No Loan Again, Naturally Homer Simpson: Squeaky board here, crack on the wall there, poltergeist in the closet... Bart Simpson: [In closet, dressed as ghost] Ooooh! I died when Homer sat on me! Homer Simpson: [Strangles Bart] Why you little... I'm the victim here!
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Bart Simpson: I can't believe we have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack. Homer Simpson: Hey! Who taught you language like that? Bart Simpson: Kid at school. Homer Simpson: So you did learn something!
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Principal Seymour Skinner: Let me explain this so that even the simplest can understand: You are being hidden in Capital City so that you won't weight down the test with your numbskullery and ruin the future of those students who are our future. Bart Simpson: Told ya. Kearney: Will there be other numbskulls there, sort of an numbskull Olympics? Jimbo Jones: Hey, let's all act like numbskulls! Nelson Muntz: Guys, guys, let's save it for the competition.
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Bart Simpson: So what's the plan now, Skinrash? Principal Seymour Skinner: My name is not Skinrash. It's Principal Skinner, and you will refer to me as such. Bart Simpson: Sure thing, Such. Principal Seymour Skinner: I'll deal with your insubordinate wordplay later.
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Marge Simpson, Homer Simpson: Three, two, one... Happy new year! Marge Simpson: Of school! Bart Simpson: What are you guys doing? Marge Simpson: It's the first day of school. Homer Simpson: You're the government's problem now!
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Principal Seymour Skinner: When you take the practice test, be sure to use a number two pencil. [Holds a big pencil] Bart Simpson: What kind of pencil do we use? Principal Seymour Skinner: Number two. Take a number two. [Kids laugh] Bart Simpson: Looks like you took a big number two! Principal Seymour Skinner: Yes, as you can see, I have a big number two in my hands, enjoing the weight and feel of it. [Kids laugh; Chalmers rolls eyes]
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Lisa Simpson: Bart, what did you put on question 36? Bart Simpson: Slurp my snot! Lisa Simpson: Bart! Bart Simpson: That was my answer. I wrote down "Slurp my snot" in the answer sheet. Lisa Simpson: Dad, Bart's throwing away his future! Homer Simpson: Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the offramp? [laughs and high-fives Bart]
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Bart Simpson: Hey, Skinner, I've just realized something. You're stuck babysitting us losers, which makes you the real loser. Principal Seymour Skinner: For your information, I am not a loser. I am a successful school principal who paints houses in the summertime. Dolph: You painted our house last year and did a lousy job. Principal Seymour Skinner: Your father insisted on using an inferior primer.
	Season 20 / Episode 11: - How the Test Was Won Bart Simpson: Wait a minute! This ain't no genius copter! This is Con Air!
	Season 20 / Episode 9: - Lisa the Drama Queen Bart Simpson: Why do we have to go to the rec center? I wanna play with my friends. Homer Simpson: When you're older, you'll miss going to these little activities. Lisa Simpson: Why aren't you going to these little activities? Homer Simpson: Uh, because no one can make me.
	Season 20 / Episode 9: - Lisa the Drama Queen Lisa Simpson: You can't keep us apart. I'll disobey! Marge Simpson: I'm Bart Simpson's mother. You think you know any tricks I haven't seen? [after Marge leaves, Lisa sneaks out the window and climbs down the tree, but Marge is waiting beneath with a laundry basket] Bart Simpson, age 3. [after they leave, Bart comes out of a hidden door in the tree, wearing ninja clothes and holding a skateboard] Bart Simpson: Bart Simpson, age 10.
	Season 20 / Episode 7: - Mypods and Boomsticks Bart Simpson: All this years I've been petting lambs when I should have been shoving them in my mouth.
	Season 20 / Episode 7: - Mypods and Boomsticks Bart Simpson: Stupid angry mob chasing me for shining a harsh light on reality. Now I know how Dane Cook feels.
	Season 20 / Episode 7: - Mypods and Boomsticks Bart Simpson: You can't just wail on some one because they're... what religion are you? Bashir: Muslim. Bart Simpson: Whoa boy!
	Season 20 / Episode 7: - Mypods and Boomsticks Marge Simpson: Remember, we each get to return one Christmas gift without complaining. Lisa Simpson: I'm returning this kitten calendar. [Calendar has "from Bart" sticker on it] Homer Simpson: I'm also returning the kitten calendar. Marge Simpson: Kitten calendar. [Maggie holds up calendar] Bart Simpson: Fine. That's the last time I shop for all of you at the last minute.
	Season 20 / Episode 7: - Mypods and Boomsticks Marge Simpson: Lisa, add a new name to our Christmas list, next to our Jewish friends. Say, where is Lisa? Bart Simpson: She said something about going to the bottom of the ocean and she'll be back in a month.
	Season 20 / Episode 6: - Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words Bart Simpson: Ice cold lemonade! Sweet sunshine in your mouth! Buy a glass or I'll punch my sister! Lisa Simpson: It's true! He's not bluffing!
	Season 20 / Episode 5: - Dangerous Curves Bart Simpson: Log cabins? What am I, Davy Crocket? Also, who's Davy Crocket?
	Season 20 / Episode 5: - Dangerous Curves Bart Simpson: Hey, knock it off back there. Homer Simpson: But we're married. Bart Simpson: All right, but keep it PG. Homer Simpson: How about R? Bart Simpson: PG-13. Homer Simpson: Whoo-hoo! Adult situations!
	Season 20 / Episode 4: - Treehouse of Horror XIX Bart Simpson: [Shopping for Lisa] I wouldn't give these to my worst enemy, which happens to be Lisa.

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