Wayne Malloy

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Eddie Izzard
Eddie Izzard made his first stage appearance in London's West End in 1993 with his one-man comedy show ...

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Wayne Malloy Quotes

	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Field of Dreams Wayne Malloy: This family is going to stick together no matter what. We're just staying around long enough to get the money, we cash out and then we're gone. Sam Malloy: There is a castle in Galway for sale. We can get it for three million dollars. Wayne Malloy: That's what I'm talking about!
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Field of Dreams Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] What happened to this thing we were going to do? Remember Baoyou Hills? A hundred and fifty million? Deal of a lifetime? Hugh Panetta: Relax. We're doing it. I just have to do something first. Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Like what? Hugh Panetta: Like get laid!
	Season 2 / Episode 3: - Field of Dreams Wayne Malloy: [Cael doesn't want to go] If you don't go, you'll look guilty. Cael Malloy: Dad? Wayne Malloy: Yeah. Cael Malloy: I am guilty.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The Last Temptation of Wayne Dahlia Malloy: You don't have a plan? Wayne Malloy: Ummm... Cael Malloy: Shit!
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The Last Temptation of Wayne Hugh Panetta: [to Wayne pretending to be Doug] You cash in on the bakers dozen. Thirteen million, Doug. Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug] Thirteen million?
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - It's a Wonderful Lie Pete Mincey: Who are you? Wayne Malloy: Look, don't get upset.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - It's a Wonderful Lie Wayne Malloy: You've got to think big. Dahlia Malloy: Oh, no, no. I am tired of thinking big. It is time to think small.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better Wayne Malloy: [answering the door] Hello? Pete Mincey: Hi. Is Doug here? Wayne Malloy: Doug? Doug who?
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better Dahlia Malloy: Do you ever get sick of lying? Wayne Malloy: This is not lying. This is creative reasoning. Dahlia Malloy: This lying is all we do now.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better Dahlia Malloy: I can't do it. I can't do it. I want to do it for you. I can't be a buffer. Wayne Malloy: You're not a buffer. You're a traveler. Dahlia Malloy: Not anymore.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] There you met... Hugh Panetta: It's Gigi. And she's a dancer.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better Dale Malloy: Doug. Wayne Malloy: Dale. Dale Malloy: We have a lot to talk about, my friend.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better Wayne Malloy: Dale seems to have been here for a while now. He could have blown our cover at any point. He didn't. Why is that? Cael Malloy: He's Dale. He's working an angle. I don't know.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - Anything Hugh Can Do, I Can Do Better Wayne Malloy: Pete? Pete Mincey: Guess you're probably surprised to see me here, Wayne.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Wayne Malloy: So, Di Di. Di Di Malloy: Huh? Wayne Malloy: [sighs and gives Cheriene's mother a pancake from the frying pan] Here you go, mom. Cherien's Mother: [smiling] You're not Doug. Wayne Malloy: And you're not my mom. But we're having fun with pancakes, aren't we?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Dahlia Malloy: And you know what else I been thinking, Wayne. We need to get us an Ishka. We need to clear all this shit out, do a cleansing. All of us, together. Remember, like that time in Kentucky, we went into the river, with all the snow on the rocks? Wayne Malloy: Now? Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. I'm sure there's a cold river around here somewhere. Wayne Malloy: No. Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. Cleansing, baby, cleansing. Cael Malloy: Now? Dahlia Malloy: Yeah. Oh come on, let's just do it. Cael Malloy: School bus is gonna be here any minute. Di Di Malloy: Mom, you know I got a math quiz today. I can't just go jump into a river. Sorry. Sam Malloy: It's library day, I gotta return my books, otherwise I can't get new ones. Cherien's Mother: Banana.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Wayne Malloy: Di Di? Di Di Malloy: Dad, we only did it once. We used protection. I don't know how I feel about it. Okay?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Wayne Malloy: Well, I had a chat with Di Di. It seems that she and Eric had sex once, and she used... um... you know... birth control. It made me feel better. We had sex when you were fifteen. Dahlia Malloy: We were married, Wayne. We were in love.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Dahlia Malloy: I don't know what the rules are. Wayne Malloy: Neither do I baby. Neither do I.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Dahlia Malloy: You still got your job at Panco, baby. Wayne Malloy: Don't want it.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Dahlia Malloy: How'd it go in court, today? Wayne Malloy: I won. Dahlia Malloy: I'm sorry.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Aubrey McDonald: Hugh's not back yet. Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] What do you mean he's not back yet? Where is he? What's he doing?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, on the phone] Hugh? Where are you? Hugh Panetta: [on the phone] Somewhere in the desert, I'm guessing.
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - This Is Your Brain On Drugs Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] As of this moment, I am in control here.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Cinderella Dahlia Malloy: Why didn't you come to bed last night? Huh? What's the matter with you? Wayne Malloy: I saw the little baggy your friend K left you last night. The one with the white powder in it? Dahlia Malloy: She left it.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Cinderella Wayne Malloy: [on the phone to Dahlia] I've had a wake up call, Dahlia.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Cinderella Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, to Cherien's Mother] Hi, it's Doug. I've had some work done.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Cinderella Wayne Malloy: [to Cherien's Mother] Do you want to go to the park? We can feed the ducks.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Cinderella Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich, to Kimmie] Sorry, I'm experiencing extreme sex drive.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - Cinderella Karl: You are the head of legal right? Wayne Malloy: [pretending to be Doug Rich] Am I? I'm not sure what's real anymore. I don't think the bugs are.

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