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 | Season 4 / Episode 9: - Dinner Party Michael Scott: That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed! Good luck paying me back with your zero-dollars-a-year salary plus benefits, babe! |
| Season 4 / Episode 9: - Dinner Party Michael Scott: [clapping] All right, my... my... my... my turn! My... my... my... my turn! My... my... my... my turn! Jan Levinson: Babe, can you just, like, really... Michael Scott: What? Jan Levinson: You're just, like, really... Michael Scott: [laughing] What? What? Jan Levinson: Could you just simmer down? Seriously. Michael Scott: I'm just making people laugh. Jan Levinson: No. Michael Scott: Yes, I was watching Jim's face. Jan Levinson: I was watching Jim. Jan Levinson: And he was laughing. Look. Jan Levinson: [turns to the camera] No smile. Michael Scott: Look at him. He's laughing. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 8: - The Deposition Pam Beesley: Kelly's trash-talking me because Darryl's beating you. Jim Halpert: What? Seriously? What is she saying? Kelly Kapoor: [looking back] Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball. Jim couldn't hit a Ping-Pong ball if it was the size of the moon. Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at Ping-Pong? |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - The Deposition Kelly Kapoor: I don't talk trash; I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, "Your mama's so fat, she could eat the Internet." But smack talk is happening, like, right now. Like, "You're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there." |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - The Deposition Michael Scott: You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 7: - Survivor Man Michael Scott: Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to go camping. And... Do you know what "hypothetical" means? Michael Scott: Not real. Jim Halpert: Got it. Michael Scott: So if I were to hypothetically ask you to go camping with me, would you go? Jim Halpert: Absolutely. Yes. Jim Halpert: When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes. Michael Scott: Really? Jim Halpert: Yeah. Michael Scott: Oh, do you want to go today? Jim Halpert: [aside to the camera] And I am always busy. Jim Halpert: Oh, I can't go today because I'm donating blood. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Survivor Man Creed Bratton: Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake. Jim Halpert: What do you want? Creed Bratton: I want pie. I want peach pie. Jim Halpert: You want birthday pie? Creed Bratton: I want a nice cobbler. Jim Halpert: I'll talk to Angela and we're going to see what we can do about a pie. Creed Bratton: I don't care who you talk to you. Just make it happen. Jim Halpert: It'll be Angela. Creed Bratton: You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Survivor Man Michael Scott: [to Stanley] Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Survivor Man Dwight Schrute: Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way. No, I do not. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Survivor Man Michael Scott: It's hot today. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about Michael Scott: 2:00 in the afternoon. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Survivor Man Jim Halpert: Yeah. Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Survivor Man Jim Halpert: Well, I don't think I'll be here in 10 years, but... Michael Scott: That's what I said. Michael Scott: That's what she said. Jim Halpert: That's what who said? Michael Scott: I never know. But I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension when things sort of get hard. Jim Halpert: That's what she said. Michael Scott: [laughs] Hey. Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward. |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Survivor Man Michael Scott: Just this whole Toby camping thing. I don't know, seems a little lame. I mean... Jim Halpert: How so? Michael Scott: A bunch of guys in a tent making s'mores. Jim Halpert: [about Michael's motions] What's that? Michael Scott: Oh, I'm on Broken Mountain. [sniggers] |
 | Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Dwight Schrute: The eyes are the groin of the head. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Andy Bernard: The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally, it's where I need to be. The Party Planning Committee is my backup and Kevin's band is my safety. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Karen Filippelli: I am the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Utica branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Michael Scott: Why is she trying to take Stanley from us? Stanley: I think it's because of my sales record. Michael Scott: That could not possibly be it. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Michael Scott: You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office. Stanley is part of what makes this branch so extraordinary. The bluesy wisdom, the sassy remarks, the crossword puzzles, the smile, those big, watery, red eyes. I don't know how George Bush did it when Colin Powell left. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Michael Scott: How can I get you to stay? Stanley: Money. Michael Scott: Yeah. We all want money. But there is none in the budget. So, tell me why you're really leaving. Stanley: Money. Michael Scott: Mo' money, mo' problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that. Let me ask you this, if I were... Stanley: Money. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Michael Scott: So, why did you and Karen break up? Was it the sex? Jim Halpert: What? Michael Scott: I can't imagine the sex being bad. I mean, her body is awesome. Jim Halpert: Okay, you know what? Why don't we play that alphabet game you were talking about? |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Dwight Schrute: And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guard in the eye with a jumbo chalk. Jim Halpert: No. No, you won't do that. Nope. Dwight Schrute: Then I'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes. Jim Halpert: Dwight, nothing with the eyes. Please? |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Michael Scott: What is that? Michael Scott: Dwight, are you peeing? Dwight Schrute: I'm peeing in this empty can. Jim Halpert: Oh, my God. Michael Scott: Oh, come on, man. That is disgusting, Dwight! Dwight Schrute: You said we couldn't make any more stops. I really had to go. Michael Scott: Oh, God! Jim Halpert: Michael, watch the road! Dwight Schrute: Hey, you're making me spray! Michael Scott: I'm going to kill you, man! Jim Halpert: Michael, Michael, pull over! Michael Scott: That is just so disgusting. Dwight Schrute: I think I cut my penis on the lid. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Michael Scott: [over the walkie-talkie] We are in the stairwell. Dwight Schrute: We are climbing some stairs. I am breathing heavily. Jim Halpert: Okay, you know what? You really don't need to be updating me as much as you're updating me. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Oscar: Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Stanley: I wasn't really planning on leaving. All I wanted was a raise. How on Earth did Michael call my bluff? Is he some sort of secret genius? Stanley: Sometimes I say crazy things. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Jim Halpert: [in the car, talking to Dwight and Michael over the walkie talkie, he sees Karen nearby] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Karen's back. Dwight Schrute: Is it Karen? Michael Scott: Take her to a motel. Make love to her, Jim. Jim Halpert: No. I'm not doing that. Michael Scott: Just say you want to get back together. Jim Halpert: No. I'm not doing that. Michael Scott: It doesn't have to mean anything. Just do it for Stanley. Come on, Jim. Just climb on top of her and think about Stanley. Oh, God. [groaning] |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Dwight Schrute, Michael Scott: [chanting] Utica! Utica! Utica! |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Michael Scott: There's a guy. There's a guy. Dwight Schrute: There's a security guard coming by. Hello. We're warehouse workers. Would you like more proof? Security Guard: Okay. Michael Scott: Oh, my God. That was very close. Dwight Schrute: I can see the security guard's eyes. Jim Halpert: No. No. Don't do anything to them. Dwight Schrute: I have to do something to his eyes. |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Jim Halpert: All right, Great Scott, if you found that choking hazard poster, just head on home. Michael Scott: [over walkie] We've got something far better, their crown jewel. Their industrial copier. Jim Halpert: Isn't that thing huge? Dwight Schrute: It's enormous, but it's got wheels. We're wheeling it down the hall into the stairwell. Get the car ready, keep the engine running. Jim Halpert: No. That is a terrible idea. Don't do this. Michael Scott: [groaning] My hip bone! We're wedged between the copier and the railing! I'm stuck. Oh, my left hip! Dwight Schrute: Leave us, Jim! Leave us. Save yourself. Michael Scott: Help us. No! Don't leave us. We need help, Jim! Jim Halpert: Okay, first of all, stop using my name. And second of all... Michael Scott: You've got to move out! Jim Halpert: Damn it, guys! Michael Scott: [to Dwight] Would you move over just a little bit? Dwight Schrute: I'm losing control of my bladder! |
| Season 4 / Episode 6: - Branch Wars Security Guard: They sprayed me in the eye. Dwight Schrute: [groaning] Scranton rules! Michael Scott: Stop! Stop it! Can you help me, please? I'm being crushed. |
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