The Office Quotes

The Office

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 6 / Episode 7: - Koi Pond Michael Scott: Why would you date an amatuer when you can date a professional?
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - Koi Pond Michael Scott: I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Mafia Michael Scott: Okay, too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Gossip Andy Bernard: Michael, am I gay?
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Gossip Andy Bernard: For the record, I prefer women. But off the record, I'm kinda confused.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Gossip Jim Halpert: [about the guys doing parkour] The goal is getting from Point A to Point B as creatively as possible, so, technically, they are doing parkour as long as Point A is "delusion" and Point B is "the hospital."
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - Company Picnic Michael Scott: I didn't find the perfect moment because I think today is about just having today. And I think we're one of those couples who'll have a long story when people ask how we found each other. I will see her every now and then, and maybe one year she'll be with somebody and the next year I'll be with somebody and it's gonna take a long time... And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - Company Picnic Jim Halpert: Hey, Dwight... send in the subs.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - Company Picnic Pam Beesly: So maybe I played a little in junior high... and high school. Maybe a little in college... and went to volleyball camp most summahs!
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - Company Picnic Pam Beesly: Tell 'em what happened last year. Jim Halpert: I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt... Pam Beesly: No, no, the guy who hit on me. Jim Halpert: Oh, some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was "grabbing her for balance." Pam Beesly: [Pointing to her breasts] Yeah, you don't grab these for balance. Jim Halpert: [considering] Well...
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - Company Picnic Dwight Schrute: Normally I don't condone leaving early but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. Nah I'm kidding, he's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Cafe Disco Michael Scott: Now I know what the founders of Phillip Morris felt like. You just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Cafe Disco Michael Scott: Daddy's here, and Daddy is going to take care of you. Oscar Martinez: Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy. Michael Scott: I am your Big Daddy, and I am going to kiss the boo-boo.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Cafe Disco Michael Scott: When I was in charge, this place was like Dave & Busters. People just hanging out, having fun, eating apps. I dunno, it's like Dave died or something.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Cafe Disco Jim Halpert: There are other reasons to go to Ohio... Pam Beesly: [interrupting] We're getting married, today! Jim Halpert: [laughs] So, turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a three day waiting period. Pam Beesly: Tell 'em how it happened. Jim Halpert: Okay, so we're going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated. Pam Beesly: And very expensive. Jim Halpert: Very expensive, cuz you say you want a small wedding, and that's great, but then... Pam Beesly: You can't leave anyone out. Jim Halpert: No one. Pam Beesly: Okay, just get to the good part. Jim Halpert: So, this morning, we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, "You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you." Pam Beesly: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I know he meant it.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Cafe Disco Angela Martin: Look, I hate to be "that person", but I just don't like the general spirit of music.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Michael Scott: I set the rules and you follow them blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can!
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Michael Scott: I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I watch The Devil Wears Prada again? Or, do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Kelly Kapoor: Dammit, Meredith, where are your panties?
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Phyllis Vance: [to Pam] Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Andy Bernard: Oh, it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Michael Scott: I am not one to be truffled with.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Jim Halpert: I'm just hiding out until all of this stuff blows over. With Creed. Playing chess. At work. He's winning... I feel like I'm describing a dream I had.
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - Broke Ryan Howard: Ever since I've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick.
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - Broke Michael Scott: If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names. David Wallace: Michael... Michael Scott: That's one of 'em, yes! There are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Heavy Competition Pam Beesly: Things are a little slow here. And there's only so much cold-calling you can do in a day. Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face. Pam Beesly: We're getting pretty good at it.
	Season 5 / Episode 22: - Heavy Competition Andy Bernard: [to Jim] I am your traveling pants.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - The Michael Scott Paper Company Jim Halpert: The new receptionist's name is also Kelly, so Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk so that she can run into Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks that if she says "You wanted me?" enough, he will eventually, in fact, want her. It's not the worst plan she's ever had.
	Season 5 / Episode 21: - The Michael Scott Paper Company Charles Miner: Okay, I'm gonna call you "Kapoor", and you, "Hannon." Kelly Erin Hannon: If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name. Charles Miner: Erin? Okay, that's... very pretty. Kelly Kapoor: Well, you know what my name is? Rajanigandha, and I hate it. I hate it! [runs out of Charles' office] Kevin Malone: I thought Rajanigandha was a boy's name.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Dream Team Kevin Malone: Dunder Mifflin, this is Kevin. Please hold, I'll transfer you. [yells] Oscar! Your mom!

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