Ryan Howard

The Office

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Played by:

B.J. Novak

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Ryan Howard Quotes

	Season 5 / Episode 23: - Broke Ryan Howard: Ever since I've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick.
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Money Ryan Howard: What I really want, honestly Michael, is for you to know it, so that you can communicate it to the people here, to your clients, to whomever. Michael Scott: [chuckles] Okay. Ryan Howard: What? Michael Scott: It's 'whoever', not 'whomever'. Ryan Howard: No, it's 'whomever'. Michael Scott: No, 'whomever' is never actually right. Jim Halpert: Sometimes it's right. Creed Bratton: Michael is right. It's a made-up word used to trick students. Andy Bernard: No. Actually, 'whomever' is the formal version of the word. Oscar Martinez: Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly. Michael Scott: [to camera] Not a native speaker. Kevin Malone: I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night.
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Money Kevin Malone: I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night. Ryan Howard: Do you really know which one is correct? Kevin Malone: I don't know. Pam Beesly: It's 'whom' when it's the object of the sentence and 'who' when it's the subject. Phyllis Lapin: That sounds right. Michael Scott: Well, it sounds right, but is it? Stanley: How did Ryan use it, as an object? Ryan Howard: As an object. Kelly Kapoor: Ryan used me as an object. Stanley: Is he right about that...? Pam Beesly: How did he use it again? Toby Flenderson: It was... Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object... Michael Scott: Thank you! Toby Flenderson: - to whomever, meaning us, the indirect object... which is the correct usage of the word. Michael Scott: No one asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Money Michael Scott: It's whoever, not whomever. Ryan Howard: No, it's whomever. Michael Scott: No! Whomever is never actually right. Jim Halpert: Well, sometimes it's right. Creed: Michael is right. It's a made up word used to trick students. Andy Bernard: No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word. Oscar: Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly. Michael Scott: [to camera] Not a native speaker. Kevin: I know what's right, but I'm not gonna' say 'cause you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night. Ryan Howard: Do you really know which one is correct? Kevin: I don't know!
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - Fun Run Ryan Howard: [talking about Michael hitting Meredith with his car] Did this happen on company property? Michael Scott: Yes. It was on company property, with company property. So double jeopardy, we are fine. Ryan Howard: I don't think you understand how jeopardy works. Michael Scott: Oh right, I'm sorry, what is we're fine?
	Season 3 / Episode 23: - The Job David Wallace: [tag scene at the end of the episode] ... but after some more thought I am very pleased to be able to offer you this job... Great, I am so glad... we are all very excited you are going to be joining us, it will be nice to have another MBA around here. Ryan Howard: I am excited too... Okay... Bye. Kelly Kapoor: Who was that? Ryan Howard: Nobody, [short pause] you and I are done. Kelly Kapoor: What? Ryan Howard: [glances into the camera]
	Season 3 / Episode 19: - Safety Training Kelly Kapoor: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four. Number six becomes number five. Number three becomes number two. Etcetera, etcetera. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what? Now I want to see Love Actually again. But it's at the bottom of the queue! Oh no, what'll I do? What I do is this. I go online, I go "click, click, click," and I change the order of the queue so that I can see Love Actually as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works? Ryan Howard: I guess I forgot. Ryan Howard: [stands up, smiles and kisses Kelly on the forehead before collecting his winnings] Kelly Kapoor: You're such a ditz. Kevin Malone: Ryan, well done, two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" twelve times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.
	Season 3 / Episode 19: - Safety Training Michael Scott: Heart disease kills more people than balers. Lonny: That's called having a fat butt, Michael. Michael Scott: No, no, it's... Lonny: Yeah, yeah. That's fat butt disease. That's what you suffering from? Fat butt disease, Michael? Kelly Kapoor: Excuse me, Sea Monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds. Lonny: Yeah? Kelly Kapoor: Yeah. Lonny: I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you? Kelly Kapoor: Ryan! Lonny: Dude, please tell your girl to shut up. Kelly Kapoor: What? Ryan Howard: Kelly, you insulted the gentleman. Please, apologize. Kelly Kapoor: Are you kidding me?
	Season 3 / Episode 19: - Safety Training Dwight Schrute: Hey guys, listen up! Michael is up on the roof, and acting strange! Andy Bernard: Whoa! What's the situation? Dwight Schrute: Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun. Andy Bernard: 'Kay, when's the shunning-thing going to end? Dwight Schrute: Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot to watch him die. Stanley Hudson: Is it nice outside? Dwight Schrute: It's gorgeous. Let's go. Stanley Hudson: Will I need my jacket? Dwight Schrute: No, really, it's very nice. Come on! Ryan Howard: Will I be too warm in a long-sleeve tee? Dwight Schrute: Everyone's going to be fine in exactly what they're wearing! Let's go!
	Season 3 / Episode 14: - Ben Franklin Ryan Howard: Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on? Michael Scott: No... Yes. But I got all the foot off of it. Ryan Howard: Oh that's gross.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - Traveling Salesmen Ryan Howard: Dwight will be missed. Not by me... so much... but he will be missed.
	Season 3 / Episode 12: - Traveling Salesmen Stanley Hudson: Pass. Michael Scott: You can't pass. Stanley Hudson: Fine. I'll take the kid. Ryan Howard: [in the confessional] I'm very flattered. I was his second choice after "pass".
	Season 3 / Episode 8: - The Merger Hannah Smotrich-Barr: Why don't you take a picture? It lasts longer. Ryan Howard: I'm sorry, but it's a little distracting. Creed: Ditto to that my brother.
	Season 3 / Episode 7: - Branch Closing Ryan Howard: It would have to be today that they close the branch, Because today is the day I got these. Business cards with this address on them.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Initiation Dwight Schrute: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you. Ryan Howard: I don't think you know what you're saying.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Initiation Dwight Schrute: Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere! Ryan Howard: I think about that all the time.
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - Initiation Dwight Schrute: Brain teaser: I have two coins totaling fifteen cents and one of them is not a nickel. What are they? Ryan Howard: A dime and a nickel. Dwight Schrute: No, I said one of them is not a nickel. Ryan Howard: But the other one is. I've heard that one. Dwight Schrute: A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the Hospital. The doctor says, "There's no way I can work on this boy, because he's my..." Ryan Howard: Because he's my son. The doctor is the boy's mother. Dwight Schrute: A man is found hanging from the ceiling... Ryan Howard: [cuts him off] He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself, and the ice melted. Dwight Schrute: A hunter... Ryan Howard: [cuts him off] It's a polar bear, because you're at the North Pole. Dwight Schrute: Damn it!
	Season 3 / Episode 4: - Grief Counseling Ryan Howard: A few years ago my family was on a safari in Africa, and my cousin Mufasa was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests. We all took it really hard, all of us kind of in the audience of what happened. Michael Scott: Would you like to talk about it some more? Ryan Howard: Oh it would probably take me about an hour and a half to tell that whole story.
	Season 2 / Episode 22: - Casino Night Ryan Howard: One beer, and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can. Jim Halpert: So that's still going on, huh, you and Kelly?
	Season 2 / Episode 20: - Drug Testing Dwight Schrute: I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night. Ryan Howard: I go to a lot of parties. Dwight Schrute: Okay, I'm gonna need to search your car. Give me your keys. Ryan Howard: I am not giving you my keys. Dwight Schrute: Don't make me do this the hard way. Ryan Howard: What's the hard way? Dwight Schrute: I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer - I know several - what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant. Once he has said warrant, he will drive over here, and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him. Ryan Howard: Yeah, let's do it that way.
	Season 2 / Episode 19: - Michael's Birthday Dwight Schrute: [talking quietly to Angela with Ryan nearby, trying badly to hide their affair] What about that meeting later to... discuss finances? Angela: Yes... but don't expect any cookie. Dwight Schrute: [slowly] But what if I'm hungry? Angela: No cookie! Ryan Howard: [knowing what they were really talking about, stares into the camera at a total loss for words]
	Season 2 / Episode 18: - Take Your Daughter To Work Day Stanley: [believing that Ryan is after his 8th grade daughter] That little girl is a child, I don't want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, you understand? Ryan Howard: Yes sir, yes... Stanley: Boy, have you lost your mind, 'cuz I'll help you find it. What you looking for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there. Jesus could come through that door and it's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child.
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - Boys & Girls Dwight Schrute: Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation. Jim Halpert: Ponies. Dwight Schrute: No. Ryan Howard: How about rainbows? Dwight Schrute: No. Jim Halpert: Flowers? Dwight Schrute: No. Ryan Howard: Make-up?
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - The Injury Michael Scott: Help! Toby: What's up? Michael Scott: Ugh. Not you. Get Pam! Toby: I don't think Pam's gonna want to go into the mens' room. Michael Scott: I've fallen off the toilet. I'm stuck between the toilet and the wall. Get Ryan! Ryan Howard: [Shakes head] Michael Scott: He needs to lift me, and he needs to clean me up a little bit... Bring a wet towel... Ryan Howard: [eyes bug out; shakes head fiercely and makes a gesture across his throat] Toby: Ryan's... uh, dead. Michael Scott: No he's not. I just saw him. Toby: No, he's not... Uh, can't you just get up yourself? You only grilled your foot. Michael Scott: ...Yeah, okay.
	Season 2 / Episode 12: - The Injury Michael Scott: Hey. Ryan Howard: I found your pudding cups at a gas station in Carbondale. Michael Scott: You did. Look at you. Look at that with the plate and the napkin. Very nice, Ryan. Did you get the yams? Ryan Howard: No. The gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams. Michael Scott: I guess I'll just have the pudding then. Ryan Howard: You sure? Michael Scott: [sighs] Yeah.
	Season 2 / Episode 10: - Christmas Party Phyllis: Does everyone know my boyfriend, Bob Vance? Kevin: Kevin Malone. Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Stanley: Stanley Hudson. Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Ryan Howard: Ryan Howard. Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Ryan Howard: What line of work are you in, Bob?
	Season 2 / Episode 7: - The Client Dwight Schrute: [playing Agent Michael Scarn in a screenplay written by Michael] Sam, get my luggage. Ryan Howard: [playing Agent Michael Scarn's assistant, Samuel L. Chang] I forget it, brotha. Dwight Schrute: Samuel, you are such an idiot. You are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt... Wait, who's "Dwigt?" Pam Beesley: [next shot] Here's what we think happened: Michael's sidekick, who all through the movie is this complete idiot who's causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight. But then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace, but that doesn't work on misspelled words, leaving behind one Dwigt. And Dwight figured it out. Oops.
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Sexual Harassment Ryan Howard: [Ryan looks at Todd Packer's license plate. It says "WLHUNG"] You a big William Hung fan? Todd Packer: Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that?
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The Dundies Ryan Howard: [in response to Michael giving him the award for "Sexiest in the Office"] What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I - I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my... concerns right now.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - The Dundies Ryan Howard: [In response to Michael giving him the award for "Sexiest in the Office"] What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I - I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my... concerns right now.

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