Michael Scott

The Office

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Played by:

Steve Carell
Steve Carell, one of American comedy's most popular faces who edited a school newspaper as a child, ...

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Michael Scott Quotes

	Season 6 / Episode 7: - Koi Pond Michael Scott: Why would you date an amatuer when you can date a professional?
	Season 6 / Episode 7: - Koi Pond Michael Scott: I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke.
	Season 6 / Episode 5: - Mafia Michael Scott: Okay, too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences.
	Season 5 / Episode 26: - Company Picnic Michael Scott: I didn't find the perfect moment because I think today is about just having today. And I think we're one of those couples who'll have a long story when people ask how we found each other. I will see her every now and then, and maybe one year she'll be with somebody and the next year I'll be with somebody and it's gonna take a long time... And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Cafe Disco Michael Scott: Now I know what the founders of Phillip Morris felt like. You just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Cafe Disco Michael Scott: Daddy's here, and Daddy is going to take care of you. Oscar Martinez: Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy. Michael Scott: I am your Big Daddy, and I am going to kiss the boo-boo.
	Season 5 / Episode 25: - Cafe Disco Michael Scott: When I was in charge, this place was like Dave & Busters. People just hanging out, having fun, eating apps. I dunno, it's like Dave died or something.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Michael Scott: I set the rules and you follow them blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can!
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Michael Scott: I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I watch The Devil Wears Prada again? Or, do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision.
	Season 5 / Episode 24: - Casual Friday Michael Scott: I am not one to be truffled with.
	Season 5 / Episode 23: - Broke Michael Scott: If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names. David Wallace: Michael... Michael Scott: That's one of 'em, yes! There are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Dream Team Pam Beesly: I can't do this. I had a real job. I sat 10 feet away from my fiancé! I had health benefits! I was just feeling impulsive! I should've gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle! Michael Scott: Blech.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - New Boss Dwight Schrute: Oh here's one, a string quartet playing classical music. Michael Scott: You know that's good, but that's not classy. I need something classy, like the opening of a car dealership. Jim Halpert: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut. Michael Scott: Yes! Dwight Schrute: Mr. Peanut is not classy. Michael Scott: He is. Dwight Schrute: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat. Michael Scott: That's what makes him classy.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - New Boss Michael Scott: Surprise! [unveiling a table full of bagels] As you can see I turned the bagels from 'O's into 'C's for Charles. Charles Miner: Thank you. Michael Scott: Took me all night. Pam Beesly: This is what you did last night?
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - New Boss Michael Scott: Alright, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting dept. Charles Miner: Hey. I come from accounting too. Michael Scott: Oh... nerd alert. This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino. And he just got out of a long-term relationship, with a man Gil, who broke his heart. But he did not bring any of that into work and it didn't affect his job performance at all. And I'm very proud of him for that. Charles Miner: [shaking hands with Oscar] Its good to meet you. Michael Scott: This little hell raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. [pointing to Andy] That one right over there in the orange. Andy Bernard: Heyo! Michael Scott: [looking around] Where's the other... Charles Miner: Hey Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history. Michael Scott: Perfect! Because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - New Boss Michael Scott: [on telephone] David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed. David Wallace: What gave you that idea? Michael Scott: [pausing] It was my understand. David Wallace: I see. Michael Scott: Listen, why don't we just leave the position vacant. Truth be told, I think I thrive under lack of accountability.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - New Boss Michael Scott: I just got off the horn with David Wallace and he said you and I should try to get to know each other better and I agree. So, what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - New Boss Michael Scott: [on phone] Michael Scott calling for David... well just tell him to call me ASAP as possible.
	Season 5 / Episode 18: - New Boss Michael Scott: You have no idea how high I can fly.
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Golden Ticket Michael Scott: I am just a net... that traps all of your crappy, subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so... Jim Halpert: [interrupting] Ok, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed here. Michael Scott: Thank you. Jim is with me. Jim Halpert: Absolutely not. I am mad at you. Michael Scott: Well you know what, Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist. Creed Bratton: That's not why.
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Golden Ticket Michael Scott: Why do you have a diary? Dwight Schrute: [whispering] To keep secrets from my computer.
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Golden Ticket Michael Scott: I have written these things, because it is my responsibility as manager of this branch to profiligate great ideas.
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Golden Ticket Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey... you idiot! Darryl Philbin: Start over!
	Season 5 / Episode 17: - Golden Ticket Michael Scott: I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest. What's a pallet?
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Blood Drive Michael Scott: Well if you guys insist on having your own private love fest... Jim Halpert: We do. Michael Scott: ...that none of us can be a part of... Pam Beesly: You can't be a part of our relationship. Michael Scott: ...then we are going to have our own private Valentine's day party... Pam Beesly: That sounds fun. Michael Scott: ...so suck it.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Blood Drive Michael Scott: Where's Andy? Oscar Martinez: He's on one of his honeymoon. Michael Scott: What? Oscar Martinez: He made non-refundable deposits, on his honeymoons, so he's just knocking them off one at a time. I think today he's hot air ballooning and later he's got a couple's massage.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Blood Drive Michael Scott: I'm going to be cupid and I'm going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims and they are going to get hit and say 'I'm in love! I was hit by cupid's sparrow.' Funny little bird but he gets the job done.
	Season 5 / Episode 16: - Blood Drive Michael Scott: If you guys insist on having your own private little love fest... Jim Halpert: We do. Michael Scott: That none of us can be a part of... Pam Beesley: You can't be a part of out relationship Michael. Michael Scott: Then, we are going to have our own private Valentine's Day party. Jim Halpert: That sounds fun. Michael Scott: So suck it. Jim Halpert: Yeah. Michael Scott: Hey everybody! I just invited Jim to suck it and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention.
	Season 5 / Episode 14: - Lecture Circuit (Part 1) Michael Scott: Good Morning! And we're off... like a herd of turtles
	Season 5 / Episode 14: - Lecture Circuit (Part 1) Michael Scott: [speaking to a pregnant Karen] I'm just trying to figure out the last time you and Jim had sex.

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