The Odd Couple Quotes

The Odd Couple

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

The Odd Couple Quotes

	Season 4 / Episode 16: - The Flying Felix Pop Belkon: This is Pop Belkon. Since it just you boys here now, let me show you some of the tricks that made me famous in my barnstormin' days......
	Season 4 / Episode 15: - Cleanliness is Next to Impossible Dr. Bates: [Felix and Oscar are sitting in a psychiatrist's waiting room] Could you make me another cup of coffee? This coffee is too sweet. Receptionist: Well, I made it the way I always do. Dr. Bates: I know... but it's too sweet. It's ALWAYS too sweet. Receptionist: Well, if you don't like the way I make the coffee, why don't you make it yourself? Dr. Bates: I don't make it myself because it's not my JOB to make it myself. I already have a job. [Pulls diploma off wall] See? I'm a doctor. Receptionist: Well, I have a job, too. I have to type. Dr. Bates: Let me show you what I think of your typing. [Pulls paper out of typewriter, crumples it] Receptionist: Let me show YOU what I think of your diploma. [Takes diploma from doctor, drops it in wastebasket] Dr. Bates: [Quietly seething] You... walk funny. Receptionist: YOU... are BALD. [Doctor feebly strokes bald spot on head a few times, retreats from office, head down] Receptionist: The doctor will see you now. [Felix nods to Oscar, they both bolt from office]
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - The Odd Decathlon Felix Unger: Skyscrapers aren't built on sympathy, buster!
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Password Oscar Madison: Aristophanes........... Felix Unger: Ridiculous!
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Password Felix Unger: It's our all-purpose clue, Aristophanes
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Big Mouth Howard Cosell: That nasal twang is the single most identifiable voice in all of broadcasting.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Big Mouth Charley: Boy, wait 'til I tell all the guys that I met Howard Cosell and Oscar Madison. Howard Cosell: Make sure you tell them in that order, Charley.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Big Mouth Howard Cosell: [to a stage-frightened Oscar] There's nothing wrong with your television sets, Ladies and Gentleman. It's just Oscar Madison telling you all he knows about football.
	Season 3 / Episode 2: - Big Mouth Howard Cosell: [after Felix's rambling broadcast] Ladies and Gentlemen, let me recap the three plays you just missed.
	Season 2 / Episode 1: - Natural Childbirth Oscar Trevor Madison: Home delivery is for newspapers, not for babies!
	Unknown Episode: Narrator: On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence; that request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. Several years earlier, Madison's wife had thrown HIM out, requesting that HE never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: The man puts his ketchup on his salad. Oscar Madison: So? I like ketchup. It's like tomato wine.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: What are you doing? Oscar Madison: Sterilizing the wound. Felix Unger: With beer? Oscar Madison: It's got alcohol in it.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: Everyone thinks I'm a hypochondriac. It makes me sick.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: I'm going to the studio to pick up the gauntlet he threw down. Murray Greshler: You're so tidy.
	Unknown Episode: Oscar Madison: You want brown juice or green juice? Felix Unger: What's the difference? Oscar Madison: Three weeks.
	Unknown Episode: Oscar Madison: You ruined my wine. Felix Unger: Here's a dollar. Buy another three bottles.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: Everything you've ever owned is on that bed.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: What do you dream about? Oscar Madison: Living alone.
	Unknown Episode: Oscar Madison: Don't talk to me about Christmas, will ya? All that sticky, phony goodwill. I'd like to get a giant candy cane and beat the wings off a sugar plum fairy.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: What's that? Oscar Madison: Guess I forgot to unpack from the last trip.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: There are things growing under there!
	Unknown Episode: Oscar Madison: Honey, that's fun fat. Everybody has that. Felix Unger: I don't. Oscar Madison: You don't have any fun either.
	Unknown Episode: Howard Cosell: [pointing to Oscar] Either he leaves or I leave. Felix Unger: [turning to Oscar] Leave!
	Unknown Episode: Princess: My country is so small we only sent one athlete to the Olympics. Oscar Madison: Oh? What event did he compete in? Princess: All of them! Oscar Madison: How did he do? Princess: He died in the relays.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: [while doing a commercial] I am a dramatization of a doctor.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: [to woman on witness stand] Ah... you assumed. My dear, you should never assume. You see, when you assume [writes the word "assume" on a blackboard] , you make an ass... out of you... and me.
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!
	Unknown Episode: Howard Cosell: Don't call me Howie!
	Unknown Episode: Felix Unger: She likes... David Cassidy better than me! [Despondent that his daughter, Edna, isn't speaking to him] Oscar Madison: So do I!

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