The Munsters Quotes

The Munsters

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Grandpa: [cackles] Turn up the rectifier to 9.000 volts! Marilyn Munster: Rectifier to 9.000. Grandpa: Eh, good. Now, now switch the oscillator from negative to positive! Marilyn Munster: Switch the oscillator... Grandpa? Grandpa: Yes? Marilyn Munster: I don't mean to seem nosey, but what's the purpose of this machine?
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Lily Munster: What's the subject of your school composition, Eddie? Eddie Munster: 'My parents, an average American family'. Lily Munster: Fine, dear. When your father comes to, I'm sure he'll be able to help you with it.
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Lily Munster: I guess it's cold rhinoceros sandwiches again tonight!
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Mr. Bradley: [about Eddie's composition] This is written with the reddest red ink I think I have ever seen...
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Eddie Munster: When read my composition to the class, all the kids started laughing and yelling and screaming and stamping their feet. A couple of them even doubled up so bad they had to be carried out of the room. Herman Munster: Strange the way jealousy affects some people.
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Eddie Munster: And pop, don't slap the teacher on the back and tell her any of your corny jokes. Herman Munster: Is it all right if I tell her the one about and sailor the mermaid? Eddie Munster: You tell her that one and I'll run away from home. Herman Munster: You just don't want me to sit there and look stupid, do you? Eddie Munster: That would be fine, pop.
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Eddie Munster: How do I look? Lily Munster: Oh, just fine, Eddie. Did you wash up? Eddie Munster: Sure. I brushed my fangs and washed behind my points.
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Lily Munster: I'm going into the kitchen and see to it that the cheese dip doesn't crawl out of the dish.
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Miss Thompson: Mr. Bradley, over there, isn't that an electric chair? Mr. Bradley: Well, it could be the way the shadows are falling onto it, Eh... could be some of that pop-art, too. Perhaps they're rather bohemian in their taste...
	Season 2 / Episode 32: - A Visit From the Teacher Lily Munster: Eddie, ehm, Spot's in the kitchen. Whey don't you take him out in the yard and help him bury someone?
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit Eddie Munster: Boy, mom, you sure have a lot of recipies here. Cesar salad, beef Stroganoff, Napoleon brandy, Bloody Mary. Lily Munster: Yes Eddie, and at one time or another, they were all friends of the family.
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit Lily Munster: Silly bird. When is he going to stop picking that mailmans bag? The Raven: Ne'er more, ne'er more.
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit Lily Munster: That's a good boy, Eddie. You polish Spotty's scales 'till you can see your face in them.
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit Grandpa: Where is the, eh, poor innocent victim? Marilyn Munster: Uncle Herman came home a couple of minutes ago. took one look at that telegram, the green completely drained out of his face, he ran up to his room and hid in the closet.
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit Grandpa: [sighs] Problems, problems, problems. Sometimes I wish I were back in the old country, where my biggest worry was who to put the bite on for three square meals a day.
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit Grandpa: [reading Herman's goodbye note] Goodbye forever. I can never raise 20.000 dollars, so I'm doing the noble thing by running away like a rotten coward. Lily Munster: P.S. If someday my miserable bones are washed up on a desert island, do not bother to send for them, as they won't be worth the parcel post charges. Signed Herman Munster, ratfink.
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit Lily Munster: [jumping in front of Herman who is facing a firing squad] Shoot if you must this square, green head, but you'll have to kill me first, she said.
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit The Movie Director: I haven't had this much trouble since I worked with Liz and Dick.
	Season 2 / Episode 31: - Herman's Lawsuit Lily Munster: So you see Herman, when that woman hit you with her car, she thought she disfigured you. Herman Munster: Well I just don't understand it, it was the same handsome face I've had all my life. Lily Munster: It's like I always say: you should never leave the house without shaving.
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Herman Munster: Now, are there any questions? Grandpa: Eh, yes, there is one. Eh, why do we need a master plan to go to a drive-in movie? Lily Munster: Grandpa, Herman has a very mechanical brain. In fact, I believe it once used to belong to an old mechanic.
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Lily Munster: What movie is playing tonight, Herman? Herman Munster: 'The Beast that ate Louin New Jersey', a critical succes from coast to coast.
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Herman Munster: The last time you hypnoticed me, I woke up in the morning and my wallet was gone. Grandpa: Herman, that was just a coincidence.
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Lily Munster: It's times like this when it's comforting to have a father who's a mad scientist.
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Grandpa: Shucks, why do I always wake up in the middle of a perfect nightmare?
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Lily Munster: [to Grandpa] Well, do something! Don't just sit there enjoying the obituaries!
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Herman Munster: I'm in a soriety house. And in a sorority house they have girls. And a married man in a soriety house full of girls means only one thing: San Quintin.
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Lily Munster: [on the phone] Herman? Oh, oh, you, you great big sweet lump of sweetness, you're safe!
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Eddie Munster: Boy, wait till I tell all the kids at school that my very own grandfather was a jailbird. Grandpa: Not a jailbird, a jailbat!
	Season 2 / Episode 30: - Herman's Sorority Caper Herman Munster: What was the charge again, Grandpa? First degree chicken chasing? [laughs heartilly]
	Season 2 / Episode 29: - A House Divided Marilyn Munster: Oh, what do you have in the jar, Eddie? Eddie Munster: It's my science project for school. It's a Black Widow spider. Lily Munster: Oh, that could be dangerous. You be real careful when you take the spider out of the jar, Eddie, so that nobody hurts it.

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