The Middleman Quotes

The Middleman

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 1 / Episode 12: - The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome The Middleman: My ... little ... pony!
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome The Middleman: The Palindrome has the power to open a mini black hole! Wendy Watson: Like the kind that eats socks in the dryer?
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome Ivan Avi: See, our plan was sheer elegance in its simplicity! The Middleman: Save it.
	Season 1 / Episode 12: - The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome Wendy Watson: You're telling me that you, Pip, a priest, are willing to risk your life for me? Pip: We're all children of the Lord. Wendy Watson: I'm in the mirror universe. Pip: I'm sorry - mirror? Universe? Wendy Watson: A parallel universe where everyone who's good is evil and evil is good. It's like that episode of Star Trek where Spock had a goatee, and Chekhov tried to... Pip: Star Trek? You mean the sci-fi series from the '60s starring the great George Takei? Wendy Watson: It is an evil universe.
	Season 1 / Episode 11: - The Clotharian Contamination Protocol Tyler Ford: Did your boss just call you on your watch and say something about a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster?
	Season 1 / Episode 10: - The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation The Middleman: You know, vampires have killed more Middlemen than any other threat on record. Wendy Watson: Really? How many? The Middleman: Two.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown Wendy Watson: I have a question. Why are you guys in wetsuits and I'm in this Honey Ryder "Thunderball" nightmare? Guy Goddard: Honey Ryder's from "Dr. No." Wendy Watson: Ah, you make me sick.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown The Middleman: Fire and brimstone! We do not smoke in the Middlemobile! Guy Goddard: Why not? Is there something combustible in here? The Middleman: Only my temper, when I see a man willingly invite cancer into his body! Guy Goddard: Cancer? Everyone knows the Surgeon General is a red dupe.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown Wendy Watson: Every time I get into a relationship, I can always visualize how it's going to end. But with Tyler, I can't. It's totally killing me. Do you have any idea what that's like? The Middleman: No. Sounds like something out of one of those hateful independent films. This is exactly why I stick to westerns.
	Season 1 / Episode 9: - The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown Guy Goddard: Chickie-baby's never been to a supervillain island lair, has she? Sweet, when a bad man builds a home for a world-destroying ray, the first thing he buys... The Middleman: Are an automated missile defense package... Guy Goddard: Barrier mines... The Middleman: Android guards who will keep protecting the island centuries after the supervillain has died... Guy Goddard: And a lot of Scandinavian furniture.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Cursed Tuba Contingency Lacey Thornfield: What do you do for a living? The Middleman: We're international consultants that solve exotic problems for corporations, individuals, and even governments. Obviously, our clients often prefer anonymity. Lacey Thornfield: That's so clear. Concise.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Cursed Tuba Contingency The Middleman: I've seen the first act of "Ride Lonesome" 16 times.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Cursed Tuba Contingency Johnny John: Look, I've got a beautiful woman in here, who is hot, willing, and able, who finds me devastating in my raw, feral power. Did I mention she was hot? Do you have any idea how rare that is for me? Wendy Watson: Yes, I do.
	Season 1 / Episode 7: - The Cursed Tuba Contingency The Middleman: We're Agents Boetticher and Kennedy, from the American Shrimp and Crab Amalgamated Processors, Law Enforcement branch. Cecil Rogers: ASCAP? The Middleman: We avoid using the acronym for copyright reasons.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Flying Fish Zombification The Middleman: In times of extreme stress, crying is an inevitable physiological response. Ida: Sure it is, cupcake.
	Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Flying Fish Zombification The Middleman: The way the story's unfolding... rural setting... civilian unexpectedly turns into a ravenous flesh-eater... My guess is we are dealing with the seminal stage of a zombie outbreak. Wendy Watson: Entree-ripping, brain chewing zombies? The Middleman: The very same. Wendy Watson: Cool! The Middleman: Dubby, there is nothing "cool" about zombies.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Pilot Episode Sanction The Middleman: I tell ya. Some chucklehead's always tryin' to take over the world.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Pilot Episode Sanction The Middleman: Self-knowledge is the gateway to freedom.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Pilot Episode Sanction The Middleman: No more monologuing, or I'll Swiss-cheese you on principle.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Pilot Episode Sanction Wendy Watson: Yes, Mother, I am still dating that guy, and his name is Ben. [listens] No, he is not a homosexual... he's in film school.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Pilot Episode Sanction The Middleman: Excuse me, Ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to step aside. [beat] The human. [sighs] The one on my left.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Pilot Episode Sanction The Middleman: Heck of a mess, huh. Wendy Watson: Excuse me? The Middleman: I said, heck of a mess. Huh. Wendy Watson: Whatever. I'm a temp. The Middleman: Hey, now! The heat's on its way. Okay, cowgirl, here's your marching orders. Anyone asks, this was a gas main explosion. I was never here, this conversation never took place. Wendy Watson: Marching orders? What about that hentai tentacle monster? The Middleman: [shrugs] Tell the truth if you want, but if you do, I'm going to have to root you like a hog and kill you. [beat] Sorry. So, what's it going to be: Keep the secret, or death? Wendy Watson: What do you think? The Middleman: Ma'am, specificity is the soul of all good communication. Wendy Watson: [beat] Yes. Duh. The Middleman: Outstanding. You're good under pressure. Wendy Watson: Are you hitting on me? The Middleman: Just making an observation. Wendy Watson: [not quite under her breath] Hellooo, nutjob, party of one. The Middleman: No, Ma'am. I'm just The Middleman.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Pilot Episode Sanction [Title Card: Corridor to the illegal sublet Wendy shares with another young, photogenic artist. 7:00 P.M.] Noser: Yo, Wendy Watson. Wendy Watson: Hey, Noser. Noser: Who's the Man? Wendy Watson: That would be Shaft, Noser. Noser: What kind of man? Wendy Watson: A complicated man. Noser: And who understands him? Wendy Watson: No one but his woman. Noser: Right on.
	Season 1 / Episode 1: - The Pilot Episode Sanction Lacey Thornfield: I'm a confrontational spoken-word performance artist. I confront. I speak. Art. [beat] What do you do, DubDub? Wendy Watson: Well, I save the world in my own way. Did I get any calls? Lacey Thornfield: Yeah, your Mom called to ask if you're a lesbian... and Ben called! He wants to come later... he has a surprise for you. Wendy Watson: Did he say anything about world travel, champagne, or diamonds? Lacey Thornfield: [chuckles] What's it like being somebody's beard? Wendy Watson: He's in film school.

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