The Lucy Show Quotes

The Lucy Show

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Lucy and Jack Benny's Account Lucy Carmichael: [Lucy and Mr. Mooney are trying to think of someone to endorse their bank] How about the Maharajah of Beverly Hills? Theodore J. Mooney: Who? Lucy Carmichael: Jack Benny! Theodore J. Mooney: Jack Benny? Lucy Carmichael: Sure! Everybody knows that Jack Benny doesn't trust banks. He keeps all his money in his house. If we could get his business we could get everyone else's business! Theodore J. Mooney: If we could get Jack Benny's business, we wouldn't need anyone else's business!
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Lucy and Jack Benny's Account Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: Your social security number? Jack Benny: One. Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: Do you have any scars or identifying marks? Jack Benny: Well... yes, I have a tattoo done many years ago. Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: What does it say? Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: J-e-l-l-o? Jack Benny: You see, I had to. In those days, sponsors were hard to come by.
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Lucy and Jack Benny's Account Jack Benny: What happened? Lucy Carmichael: Piranha fish. Jack Benny: Piranha fish? What a picnic they'd have with Jackie Gleason. You know, by the time he ould say, 'Away we go,' he'd already be gone.
	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Lucy and Jack Benny's Account Jack Benny: Oh boy, this quicksand is the cleverest idea I've ever heard! Lucy Carmichael: I'm glad you like it. I think it's even better than your shark-filled moat. Jack Benny: And cheaper! You don't have to feed them.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Lucy Meets the Berles Milton Berle: Now, Ruth, when a man matures he wants the kind of success that brings respect. I mean, when you meet people today and you talk about Berle, what's the best thing they can say about him? 'He's funny, he's funny, he's funny.' Well, I'm out to prove that Berle is not funny... That's not a nice thing to say. Ruth Berle: I didn't say anything. Milton Berle: That's what hurts. You love me too much to say it.
	Season 5 / Episode 20: - Lucy, the Fight Manager Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: Mrs. Carmichael, anyone familiar with sports knows that baseball players open bowling alleys and boxers open saloons. Lucy Carmichael: Yeah, well, not Eddie. Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: Oh? Eddie Rickles: I'm a florist. Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: Ah, you're wise. Lucy Carmichael: And he's going to buy his own shop Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: [to Eddie] And you're smart. Lucy Carmichael: And you're going to give him the three thousand dollars to do it. Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: [to Lucy] And you're nuts!
	Season 5 / Episode 19: - Lucy Meets the Law Lucy Carmichael: Oh, boy. That's the biggest sale I ever went to. Mary Jane Lewis: What a mob! Lucy Carmichael: Yeah, I never saw such pushing and shoving in my life. Push push push! Shove shove shove! And some of the women still wouldn't let me through! What's so funny? Mary Jane Lewis: Whoever said women were the weaker sex never went shopping with us.
	Season 5 / Episode 15: - Viv Visits Lucy Lucy Carmichael: Now, aren't you glad we came? Everything turned out just fine. Vivian Bunson: Yeah, for once one of your crazy schemes didn't backfire. Come on, let's get out of here. Lucy Carmichael: Yeah.
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Lucy Gets a Roommate Lucy Carmichael: You know, I have done something that will make you very happy. Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: You're looking for another job?
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Lucy Gets a Roommate Mary Jane Lewis: Hey! Lucy Carmichael: What? Mary Jane Lewis: We could have a party and introduce her to some boys. Lucy Carmichael: What boys? Mary Jane Lewis: Well, how about those musicians who live across the hall? They're very nice and they're just kooky enough to get Carol out of her shell. Lucy Carmichael: Maybe she belongs in a shell. Mary Jane Lewis: Why? Lucy Carmichael: Because I think she's some kind of nut.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucy Goes to London Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: And they think they'll always be an England.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucy Goes to London Stewardess: Is there anything else I can help you with? Lucy Carmichael: Ah, no I don't think so. Later, I may have coffee, tea or milk.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lucy Goes to London Lucy Carmichael: My, it's a small world, isn't it? Mr. Theodore J. Mooney: Yes... and with you in it, no wonder they're racing for the moon.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Lucy and the Ring-a-Ding-Ding Mary Jane Lewis: Mr. Mooney bought a present for his wife? Lucy Carmichael: He had a ring made for her. Mary Jane Lewis: What she catch him at?
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Lucy and the Ring-a-Ding-Ding Mary Jane Lewis: But Lucy, from what you've told me, I didn't even think he was fond of his wife. Lucy Carmichael: He's fond of anything that's deductable.
	Season 1 / Episode 19: - Lucy's Barbershop Quartet Chris Carmichael: Aunt Viv! Aunt Viv! How come you're practicing? Vivian 'Viv' Bagley: Oh, our Ladies' Volunteer Fire Department quartet is going to rehearse here tonight. We just organized it. We're calling ourselves, "The Four Alarms". You know - four alarm fire. Get it? Chris Carmichael: Oh, that's a cute name. Vivian 'Viv' Bagley: We think so. And at our age we could hardly call ourselves, "The Four Freshmen".
	Season 1 / Episode 19: - Lucy's Barbershop Quartet Chris Carmichael: I think you have a lovely voice. Lucy Carmichael: Well, thank you dear, but apparently I have a voice only a daughter could love.
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Lucy and Viv Put in a Shower Lucy Carmichael: [Viv and Lucy are trapped in a rapidly-flooding shower stall] Well, let's not argue! We've got to get some help! Vivian Bagley: Where? Lucy Carmichael: Well... maybe somebody will come by the house and save us!
	Season 1 / Episode 18: - Lucy and Viv Put in a Shower Lucy Carmichael: Where's Lloyd Bridges when you need him?
	Unknown Episode: Vivian Bagley: Don't you remember your children? Mr. Mooney? Lucy Carmichael: [With amnesia] I have a child named Mr. Mooney?
	Unknown Episode: Lucy Carmichael: Weren't you ever a teenager? Theodore J. Mooney: Well, of course, what do you think? Lucy Carmichael: I thought one day they opened the bank vault and out you popped, full grown and stingy!

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