The League of Gentlemen (UK) - Episode Quotes

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The League of Gentlemen (UK) Quotes

	Unknown Episode: Charlie Hull: I've been having these funny dreams. Reverend Bernice Woodall: You shouldn't be having sticky duvet at your age!
	Season 1 / Episode 4: - The Beast of Royston Vasey Reverend Bernice Woodall: You cowards. You whoremongers. Your place is in the lake of fire and sulphur. Where you will die. The second death. Reverend Bernice Woodall: Oh they've arrived. [to children] Did you know that some of you are going to be watching a play this afternoon instead of doing proper lessons? It's going to be performed by "Legz Akimbo" theatre company and it is a play about homosexuality aimed at children aged 9 to 12. Some call this "theatre in education". I call it AIDS in a van.
	Unknown Episode: Edward: Hello, hello. What's going on? What's all this shouting? We'll have no trouble here.
	Unknown Episode: Iris Krell: He has made me do things that would make a whore blush.
	Unknown Episode: Tubbs: You lied to me Edward. You lied to me. There is a Swansea... and other places.
	Unknown Episode: David: I'd like to buy it all. Everything in the shop. How much would that be? Tubbs: [Looks around and counts on her fingers] Well, that's, er, seven and twelfty pounds.
	Unknown Episode: 'Tubbs' Tattsyrup: Are you... local?
	Unknown Episode: Edward: I used to be in a war. And I put paid to quite a few like you, this is a decent town and a local shop, there's nothing for you here. Tubbs: Tell him I can't have babies anyway. Tell him my insides are all wrong. Edward: Go on then, take the precious things of the shop, burn down our home, [shouts] rape our dead mouths! Just as long as I don't have to hear any more of your disgusting babble.
	Unknown Episode: Edward: You people are all alike, You march in here, young! try and touch the local things. I suppose next you'll be spraying me with one of those cans of paint, smearing poor Tubbs here with excrement.
	Unknown Episode: Alvin Steele: Home is the hunter!
	Unknown Episode: Phil: What people forget is gays are normal, regular, healthy guys. Olly Plimsoles: Dykes on the other hand are evil. Dave: Ollie! Olly Plimsoles: Picture the scene, you arrive home early to find your wife Linda in bed with another man. Only it's not actually man. It's a big fat lezza smoking *my* pipe and wearing my slippers! Olly Plimsoles: [shouts] Don't touch me, you poof! Anyway, what was I saying? Tolerance is an important issue...
	Unknown Episode: Tubbs: Will heaven be like Swansea? Edward: Yes, Tubbs. Only... bigger.
	Unknown Episode: Reenie Calver, Vinnie Wythenshaw: That Merril!
	Unknown Episode: Pamela Doove: [shouts] Eskeewd beef! Have anybody got any bokkle oran doove?
	Unknown Episode: Barbara Dixon: One little prick and it'll all be over. Then they cut my cock off.
	Unknown Episode: Edward: How much to leave the shop and never come back? Seventy? Eighty? All right a pound.
	Unknown Episode: Pauline: Hokey-cokey-pig-in-a-pokey.
	Unknown Episode: Pauline: Can you tell me what this is? Ross: Its a pen Pauline: Yes its a pen, one of Pauline's pens.
	Unknown Episode: Edward: We don't bother the outside world, we don't want it bothering us.
	Unknown Episode: Pauline: Do you see how easy it is? its as simple as Mickey.
	Unknown Episode: Iris Krell: Don't do anything I would'nt do... that wont leave her many options.
	Unknown Episode: Edward: this is a local shop the strangers you would bring would not understand us, our customs, our local ways.
	Unknown Episode: Les McQueen: Everyone knew me round here, I'd walk in a urinal and heads would turn.
	Unknown Episode: Tubbs: Edward, will more strangers come? Edward: Calm yourself Tubbs. None shall come.
	Unknown Episode: Judee Levinson: I wouldn't stone clad my house it would look like a white filling in a mouth full of rotten teeth.
	Unknown Episode: Judee Levinson: Be careful with that nightie, it costs more than you owe Kays catalogue.
	Unknown Episode: Pauline: Some of us, like Ross here, will want to follow in their father's footsteps... but you can't sign on forever.
	Unknown Episode: Tubbs: Look Edward a shooting star. Should we make a wish? Edward: Yes Tubbs, wish for an end to this plague of strangers, for our futures to remain local and for new road to be totally destroyed. Tubbs: And can I have a new dress please.
	Unknown Episode: Harvey Denton: Perhaps you are a naturally slothful person, sluggish and indolent, a dawdling flaneur, content to waste his life spread eagled on pillows forever indulging himself in the pleasures of the palm.
	Unknown Episode: Pauline: Watch your language. Mickey: English. Pauline: No WATCH.