The L Word Quotes

The L Word

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 6 / Episode 6: - Lactose Intolerant Alice: [as Bette is describing a stroller that seemingly does everything] Does it do the dishes? Bette: No, just your taxes.
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Least Likely Helena Peabody: I don't give a fuck whose idea it was to sue me! Yours or Danny's! The point is, you took part in it! You manipulated my emotions! You used me! You humiliated me, and you must be fucking insane to think you can just prance in here and act as if nothing ever happened, telling me that you're happy, telling me that you're out of the closet, telling me that you're oh, so sorry for destroying my fucking life! Fuck you! Dylan Moreland: Thank you! Now I know you care.
	Season 6 / Episode 2: - Least Likely Alice Pieszecki: Okay, so basically, that skankball Dylan Moreland almost ruined Helena's life. First, she pretended to be in love with her so she and her boyfriend, Danny, could sue Helena for sexual harassment and extort millions of dollars from her. Can you believe it? So... her mother gets so mad that she cuts Helena off, and she has to move in with me and become a cook. Helena Peabody: I was a caterer. Alice Pieszecki: Which was a disaster, and let's face it, Helena is used to a certain standard of living. She was born rich, with a gold spoon in her mouth. So, she meets this shady high-roller lady, named Catherine. They hook up, but she uses Helena and takes all her money, and when Helena takes it back, and we still don't know where she buried it, she gets arrested for embezzlement, thrown into prison, and has to share a cell with some killer! Helena Peabody: Her name was Dusty, and she was in for tax fraud. Alice Pieszecki: Fine! So, Helena's mother can't take it anymore. She bails Helena out of prison, but she doesn't want to live under her mother's thumb anymore, so she springs Dusty from jail, they go abroad to Taha, which she doesn't ever want to talk about since Dusty still hides out over there. So, it couldn't have been great, right? Helena Peabody: Right. Alice Pieszecki: Anyway, her mother gets stung by some jellyfish while scuba diving, and grants Helena's wealth back again. All of this because of this woman. Tasha Williams: [to Helena] You want me to kick her ass? Helena Peabody: No. Thank you. Tasha Williams: You're a better person than me. I would beat a bitch down if she ever did something like that to me.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Long Night's Journey Into Day Bette Porter: Poor Shane. Tina Kennard: Fuck that! I wouldn't blame Jenny if she never spoke to Shane again. Bette Porter: [laughs with disbelief] That's a little harsh. Tina Kennard: It was unforgivable what Shane did! Bette Porter: Well, maybe it was wrong, but... Tina Kennard: Maybe? Bette Porter: Okay, it was wrong. Tina Kennard: It was devastating. After everything that Jenny's been through? Bette Porter: Well, Shane's been through a lot too, and she's always been there for Jenny. Bette Porter: Let's not talk about this anymore.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Long Night's Journey Into Day Papi: Yo. Alice Pieszecki: Papi? What the hell are you doing here? Papi: I live here. Maybe I should be asking you that question? Alice Pieszecki: [stammering] But... I thought... you disappeared. I thought you left town or... got arrested by some cop who was pissed off that you slept with his wife. Papi: Okay, look who's talking.
	Season 6 / Episode 1: - Long Night's Journey Into Day ER Nurse: Which one of you is the mother? Bette Porter, Tina Kennard: We both are. ER Nurse: I need you to put one name only for Angelica's mother. Bette Porter: Are you kidding me? ER Nurse: I can't process your paperwork. Bette Porter: This is Los Angeles. There are same-sex families on ever fucking street corner! She was born in this fucking hospital, and both of our names are on the fucking birth certificate! So, why don't you just give us a fucking break you straight, bureaucratic maggot, and get our daughter to see a God damn doctor! Please?
	Season 5 / Episode 12: - Loyal and True Jenny Schecter: [to Shane] You know what? It's the ultimate betrayal. You've broken my heart.
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - Lifecycle Molly Kroll: No, it was great for me! [referring to the terrible sex Shane said she had] You don't just get on a bike and know how to ride it, same with riding a girl. So I freaked out! Big deal! You've just been with so many girls, you don't remember your first time! Well, guess what, it was my first time! And it was great! It was better than with Richard, than with guys and with anybody and I'm really into you. And I swear next time I will SO go down on you!
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - Lifecycle Molly Kroll: I've never flown to the Pacific North-West to chase a girl I barely know, and I'm here, and I'm really crazy about you. And I need you to give me another chance, even if I'm AWFUL in bed. I know that I'm still Gay 101, but I'm a really fast learner, and before you know it I'm going to be Advance Placement Gay, and Graduate Level Gay. And fuck Law School, I'll get my Doctorate in fucking Gay.
	Season 5 / Episode 10: - Lifecycle Molly Kroll: No, it was great for me [referring to the terrible sex Shane said she had]! You don't just get on a bike and know how to ride it, same with riding a girl. So I freaked out! Big deal!! You've just been with so many girls, you don't remember your first time! Well, guess what, it was my first time! And it was great! It was better than with Richard, than with guys and with anybody and I'm really into you. And I swear next time I will SO go down on you!!
	Season 5 / Episode 8: - Lay Down the Law Jodi Lerner: Maybe she's a spaghetti girl. Straight until wet.
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Lesbians Gone Wild Bette Porter: So which side of the bed is Nina's? Tina Kennard: I don't know. Um. [gets up and stands next to the left side of the bed] Maybe this side? [lays down] Yeah, that feels right. Bette Porter: So maybe this side would be Bev's side? [lays down on the right side of the bed] Tina Kennard: Yeah. Bette Porter: Do you have any hard rock candy? Tina Kennard: No. But I have some pot. [Bette and Tina both giggle]
	Season 5 / Episode 7: - Lesbians Gone Wild Shane McCutcheon: If you want to stick around a little longer and then I could take you out. Molly Kroll: [sarcastic] Sure. Shane McCutcheon: What? Molly Kroll: My mother told me all about your little game. You're like the Fonz, or something, for lesbians. Shane McCutcheon: Bullshit. The Fonz? Molly Kroll: Yeah, Happy Days. Shane McCutcheon: No, I'm not the Fonz. I'm not Happy Days. It's just a - - [beat] Shane McCutcheon: Alright, I give it to you're sassy. Molly Kroll: I'm not sassy, I'm bored. But not bored enough to sleep with you.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lights! Camera! Action! Jenny Schecter: So this is what I want you to do. Ok, so you're going to look at her and you're going to take her and you're gonna throw her against the sink - BAM! And you're gonna look at her with PASSION and then you - don't worry I wont kiss you - you're gonna take her and you're gonna kiss her with tongue. And then I want you to reach down and then I want you to fingerfuck her... and give her the best fucking orgasm ever. Go for it! Isabella: OH, you mean with my hand? Jenny Schecter: Yeah. Unless you have some other apparati I don't know about. Isabella: [as Bev] - 'How exciting... You're ovulating. Let’s make a baby!'... Jenny Schecter: Passion! That's okay. Okay, wauw, it looks like you guys are sort of doing a dance. Isabella: Do you want to see my hand? Jenny Schecter: I'd like to. Might be nice for you to look like you're actually giving her pleasure rather than moving furniture. You know, that looks like you're sewing up a hole in her jeans. You guys really don't know how to fuck women, do you?
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lights! Camera! Action! Alice Pieszecki: Fuck you, Denbo! AND your dumb lover. You're a ratfuck! Shane McCutcheon: BYE CINDI!
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lights! Camera! Action! Bette Porter: I don't know what to do. Tina Kennard: You're in love with Jodi, right? Bette Porter: I adore her. And I respect and admire her. But... Tina Kennard: But what? Bette Porter: It doesn't really compare.
	Season 5 / Episode 6: - Lights! Camera! Action! Alice Pieszecki: Are you gonna dance in your black bra? Shane McCutcheon: You know, I was thinking about it, but I just don't need one. Thank god.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Lookin' at You, Kid Alice Pieszecki: Why is my life supposed to stop because you want to live in a fucking closet? I did not sign up for that bullshit. You did. I am allowed to say what I want, and do what I want, and fucking out who I want... and love who I want because I live in the goddamn U.S. of fucking A. Tasha Williams: And I'm the one out there fighting for your right to be ignorant.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Lookin' at You, Kid Nikki Stevens: We're gonna fuck in a closet? Jenny Schecter: The irony hasn't escaped me.
	Season 5 / Episode 5: - Lookin' at You, Kid Alice Pieszecki: Listen! Gay people are being bashed, harassed, and killed every day, and then you've got this guy who's gay himself, and he's saying this garbage? It's disgusting! I totally respect someone's choice to stay in the closet, I do. If that's what they want to do, I get it. But I don't think it's OK to kiss your boyfriend one day and then go out and trash gay people the next! Especially if you're a public figure and you have people looking up to you. No, I don't feel bad. I do not feel bad about what I did.
	Season 5 / Episode 3: - Lady of the Lake Tina Kennard: Speaking of freakish, look at Jenny's new assistant. Alice Pieszecki: Well, you kind of have to admire her a little bit. Tina Kennard: It's gross! There's something wrong with that girl!
	Season 4 / Episode 12: - Long Time Coming Tina Kennard: Oh Jenny, we thought that you were uh... Jenny Schecter: That I was uh... completely clueless? Someone to fuck with? Tina Kennard: No, of course not... Jenny Schecter: Someone who didn't realize what a lying duplicitous scheming excuse you are for a friend? [to Kate] Be careful if you're doing business with this woman because she actually eats her own. Kate Arden: Actually, Jenny, Tina's been a really good friend to you, as a matter of fact she's protected you... Jenny Schecter: She just wants to fuck you! She does. She just wants to get in your pants... Tina Kennard: Shut the fuck up, Jenny, OK? You're a cunt! Bette almost lost her job because of you!
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Little Boy Blue Jodi: Hello, Amy. Amy: "Hello, Amy?" Jodi: Let me call you at home. Amy: Cut the crap. Talk to me now! Jodi: Okay. What do you want? Amy: You tossed me aside like a piece of garbage! Jodi: We talked about this. Amy: We didn't talk. YOU talked! You're a fucking, heartless, cunt! Jodi: You told me you understood. Amy: Well, I lied. Jodi: What do you want me to say? Amy: You don't want to feel tied down. You could never commit to one person. Jodi: I didn't think I could. I was telling you the truth. Amy: What? You fuck me all night long and then you told me in the morning that you were in love with someone else? Jodi: Okay, what do you want me to say? Amy: Fuck you! She must be an incredible fuck! Does she whisper sweet things in your ear? Make you feel like a part of the world. Jodi: [shouting in her own voice] FUCK YOU! I fucking did my best! Amy: [shouting in her own voice] Well, fuck you, you fucking fuck!
	Season 4 / Episode 9: - Lacy Lilting Lyrics Jodi: [to Bette] Yes, I fucked her. But it didn't work. Every time I looked at her, my head filled with pictures of you. Her skin didn't feel as soft as yours. I didn't like the way she touched me. And her kiss... didn't make my head spin the way yours does. You've ruined me for anybody else.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Lez Girls Alice: Right, right. Oh, wait, he's talking to me! So weird. Huh?... What?... OK, I'll tell her. He said don't ever fucking compare yourself to him!
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Lez Girls Tom Mater: [lighting a joint for her] Come on Dean. Alright, none of that Clintonian shit now - inhale!
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Layup Bette Porter: [Papi is trash-talking Bette while they are playing basketball against each other] Who you callin' Brown Barbie, you fuckin' Carmalita Tropicana!
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Lassoed Jenny Schecter: Stacey! Stacey!
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Lassoed Nadia: [seeing Bette rub her shoulder] Do you have a knot? Do you want me to unlock it? Bette Porter: Uh... it... it's okay. No, really, it's fine. Nadia: [rubbing Bette's shoulders anyway] Oh, wow. You are really tight. God, do you feel that? It's right there. Bette Porter: [whispering] Nadia, please... Nadia: Do you want me to find you a body worker? Because, oh my gosh, I have the most amazing Ayurvedic healer, and he, he went so deep...-- Bette Porter: I, uh, I'd prefer a woman. [Bette's embarrassed and realizes what she just blurted out] Nadia: [a beat] Well. That can be arranged, Dean Porter.
	Season 4 / Episode 3: - Lassoed Bette Porter: I just need to find out, uh, what conferences C.U. has hosted. I know that we did the Global Sustainability last August... Nadia: Where Dr. Gorsham sustained multiple hickeys from his two teaching assistants. Bette Porter: You mean he slept with both of them? Nadia: Don't be shocked. It happens all the time. Bette Porter: Well, that doesn't make it acceptable. Nadia: No, but we're all adults, Bette. I mean, in a cloistered environment like a university, it would be absurd to think that there weren't relationships between faculty and students.

« previous12 3 4 5 6 7 8 next »

» Back to The L Word TV Show