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The King of Queens tv show

The King of Queens

- Character Guide

Characters: #5 of 9 (Full List)

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Spence Olchin The King of Queens

Spence Olchin

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  Played by:
Patton OswaltPatton Oswalt
Patton Oswalt has been headlining at comedy clubs all over the United States since 1996, as well as ...

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Spence Olchin Quotes

09x08 - Offensive Fowl Season 9 / Episode 8: - Offensive Fowl

Deacon Palmer: How's the new job?
Spence Olchin: How do you think it's going? I stand all day on the sidewalk carrying this.
Danny Heffernan: Yeah, well, at least no one's peeing on you like when you worked in the subway.
Spence Olchin: Heh. Guess again.
09x02 - Affair Trade Season 9 / Episode 2: - Affair Trade

Spence Olchin: I was in the other day. I told her I was allergic to peanuts, and Sienna remembered.
Danny Heffernan: That doesn't mean she's into you, alright. It means she doesn't want to have to open your throat with a pen.
08x19 - Emotional Rollercoaster Season 8 / Episode 19: - Emotional Rollercoaster

Spence Olchin: Danny and I are going to check out the Haunted Castle.
Danny Heffernan: Yeah, scared chicks are very approachable.
08x18 - Sold-Y Locks Season 8 / Episode 18: - Sold-Y Locks

Arthur Spooner: Why are you late?
Spence Olchin: You called me 10 minutes ago and told me to be here in 10 minutes.
Arthur Spooner: I've had enough of your excuses.
08x17 - Present Tense Season 8 / Episode 17: - Present Tense

Spence Olchin: We should've robbed this house 45 minutes ago.
Danny Heffernan: I had to get my allergy shot.
Spence Olchin: We're not robbing a cat!
08x11 - Baker's Doesn't Season 8 / Episode 11: - Baker's Doesn't

Arthur Spooner: I'll handle the lyrics, and you look like the sort who can write music.
Spence Olchin: What's that supposed to mean?
Arthur Spooner: I think you know what that means, Mr. 'I just haven't found the right girl yet.'
08x06 - Shear Torture Season 8 / Episode 6: - Shear Torture

Adam West: If you ran into Bill Shatner this morning, would you have dumped me too?
Spence Olchin: I want to say "no," but I'm so weak.
Adam West: This is why me, Lou, Bill, and Lee Majors look out for each other. To protect ourselves from pasty-faced opportunists such as yourself.
08x06 - Shear Torture Season 8 / Episode 6: - Shear Torture

Spence Olchin: Yeah, Fantasy Fest '05 is a geekfest. That's why 3 different hobbits are showing up.
08x01 - Pole Lox Season 8 / Episode 1: - Pole Lox

Spence Olchin: Where do you want to go for dinner? Can I talk you into Ethiopian?
Arthur Spooner: I'm not in the mood for gazelle, thank you.
05x23 - Dog Shelter Season 5 / Episode 23: - Dog Shelter

Denise: I'm so glad to finally meet you, Mrs. Olchin. Spence is such a nice man.
Veronica Olchin: Well, you can thank me for that. He was horrible until I spanked it out of him. I spanked him til his ass looked like a red Indian's.
Spence Olchin: Mom!
Veronica Olchin: I'm sorry, I mean a Native American's ass.
04x19 - Screwed Driver Season 4 / Episode 19: - Screwed Driver

Spence Olchin: [to Doug's mother] Excuse me, Mrs. Heffernan; can I use the restroom?
Joe Heffernan: Oh, no; here we go again.
Spence Olchin: Wait a minute; first, I didn't know you were home that day, second, Victoria Principal was on the cover of the new 'People' and third, what kind of man owns a hardware store and doesn't put locks on the bathroom door?
04x13 - Food Fight Season 4 / Episode 13: - Food Fight

Spence Olchin: [about Arthur] I can't believe he's never seen 'The Wizard of Oz'.
Carrie Heffernan: So, how are you liking it so far, dad?
Arthur Spooner: [Scared on seeing the film] Is anyone else but me terrified?
01x21 - Hungry Man Season 1 / Episode 21: - Hungry Man

Arthur Spooner: Come down here and play with me, I'm tired of playing with myself.
Spence Olchin: Pardon?
01x12 - Fixer Upper Season 1 / Episode 12: - Fixer Upper

Spence Olchin: [following allergic reaction] I must look great.
Jenny: Actually, you're kind of cute when you're not convulsing.
Spence Olchin: That's almost half the time.
01x06 - Head First Season 1 / Episode 6: - Head First

Spence Olchin: Oh, I feel like Anne Frank.
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Spence Olchin: Oh my God! My TiVo thinks I'm gay!
Unknown Episode Unknown Episode:

Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Is this how you take a bath?
Spence Olchin: Yes.
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: You look like Ernie from Sesame Street.
Spence Olchin: What did I do to you?

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