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Rose Nylund Quotes
 | Season 3 / Episode 4: - The Housekeeper Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [coming onto the lanai carrying a small painted rock] Girls, look what I found under my bed. Rose Nylund: Gee, that's the most colorful dustball I've ever seen. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: This is no dustball, Rose. I think it may be some kind of charm. Marguerite Brown: [overhearing] It is! I learned it from my grandmother. You put a specially painted rock beneath a person's bed to bring them a restful sleep. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Are you telling me that you put this under my bed? Marguerite Brown: Well, I was only trying to be helpful! I figured with those terrible bags you needed the rest. Rose Nylund: Dorothy always looks like that. Blanche Devereaux: And besides it'll take a lot more than rest to get rid of those babies! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Listen, I have an idea. Why don't each of you take it in turns hitting me with a two by four? |
| Season 3 / Episode 4: - The Housekeeper Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [walking into the kitchen and finding Rose sweeping the floor] Rose why are you cleaning the kitchen? This is Marguerite's job! Rose Nylund: Dorothy, I know what you're gonna say. But I talked to Marguerite on the phone and this time she has a really good excuse for being late. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Fine. What is it? Rose Nylund: She had to go pluck a hair from the chin of a dawrf. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: And you fell for that old excuse? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 2: - One For the Money Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [Blanche and Dorothy walking into the kitchen, Dorothy carrying a large pizza box] Hi Rose. Blanche Devereaux: We brought dinner. Rose Nylund: What'd ya get? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [still holding pizza box] A bucket of chicken. [Thunderous laughter from the audience] I hope you like it extra flat and crispy? Blanche Devereaux: It's a pizza Rose. Rose Nylund: I knew that, I meant what kind is it? Blanche Devereaux: Did you *really* know that? Rose Nylund: [sarcasticly] No, but I thought I could cover. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 1: - Old Friends Blanche Devereaux: But honey she's just a child, you cant expect a child to give back a toy, you do understand don't you you? Rose Nylund: Just cut the crap and get the damn teddy bear! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 26: - Empty Nests Blanche Devereaux: Talk to your husband. Renee Corliss: Blanche at the hospital they call him St. George! I'm married to a saint and I gotta tell him to work less, I'm lonely? Sophia Petrillo: Dont you think St. Francis of Assissi's wife had a similar problem? Don't you think she said, "Frank, enough donkeys"? Renee Corliss: So what do I do? Ask George to cut back on his practice because I don't want to eat alone? Rose Nylund: Oh no, don't do that. I couldn't possibly see another doctor. Renee Corliss: See. Rose Nylund: George is the only man to ever see me naked. Blanche Devereaux: Get outta here. Rose Nylund: Well, except for Charlie, of course. Blanche Devereaux: Get outta here. Rose Nylund: And the vet. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: The vet? Rose Nylund: Our prize hen Henrietta had some kind of a chicken diosease. I don't know exactly what it was. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Chickenpox. Rose Nylund: No, I don't think so. Anyway, I had an earache so he saw both of us at the same time. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: For that you got naked? Rose Nylund: I thought that was strange, too. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 23: - Son-in-Law Dearest Rose Nylund: [Regarding 'I Love Lucy', as Dorothy kicks Blanche and Rose out the living room] What about Lucy? Blanche Devereaux: We can watch it on the portable in the kitchen. Rose Nylund: But that sets in black and white! |
| Season 2 / Episode 23: - Son-in-Law Dearest Rose Nylund: Do you want to watch I Like Lucy with us? Blanche Devereaux: I Love Lucy. Rose Nylund: I haven't seen it yet so I don't know how I feel about it. |
| Season 2 / Episode 23: - Son-in-Law Dearest Blanche Devereaux: Lucy played Lucy. Rose Nylund: Then who did Desi play? Blanche Devereaux: Desi played Ricky. Rose Nylund: Why didn't Desi play Desi? Blanche Devereaux: Because he wasn't tall enough. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 21: - Dorothy's Prized Pupil Rose Nylund: What kind of movie is this? Man in Theatre: Rip his throat out! Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: It's a musical, Rose. |
| Season 2 / Episode 21: - Dorothy's Prized Pupil Rose Nylund, Blanche Devereaux, Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Surprise! Sophia: [coming in] Louder next time, my heart's still beating! Rose Nylund: We thought you were Mario. Sophia: You'll have to yell louder than that to kill him. |
| Season 2 / Episode 21: - Dorothy's Prized Pupil Rose Nylund: The president's married to Nancy Davis now. Sophia: From "All About Eve"? Rose Nylund: That was Bette Davis. Sophia: The one who beat her children with wire hangers? Rose Nylund: That was Joan Crawford. Sophia: The fat cop from "Highway Patrol"? Rose Nylund: That was Broderick Crawford. Sophia: The president was married to Broderick Crawford? |
| Season 2 / Episode 21: - Dorothy's Prized Pupil Rose Nylund: Mario, can I fix you a snack? Mario: Sure, I'm starved. Rose Nylund: How about a herring salad sandwich on raisin bread? Mario: Oh wow, I'm gonna miss my bus! Rose Nylund: Well you've got plenty of time, it's only [looks at her bare wrist] See you later. |
| Season 2 / Episode 21: - Dorothy's Prized Pupil Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: What the hell is a weedenfrugen? Rose Nylund: Veedenfrugen. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 20: - Whose Face is This, Anyway? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Will you put that thing down. What do you think you're doing? Rose Nylund: Well, I'm making a video for my class at the junior college. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, really? Gee it sounds like fun. Rose Nylund: Oh, I'm glad you think so, cause I want you to be one of the stars! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, Rose, I don't think so! You know how uncomfortable I am infront of a camera. Besides I always come out looking like Fess Parker. Rose Nylund: Don't worry. This is a documentary; it's okay if you're not good looking. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, stop trying to appeal to my ego. The answer is no. |
| Season 2 / Episode 20: - Whose Face is This, Anyway? Rose Nylund: Oh, Blanche, how do you feel about performing in front of a video camera? Blanche Devereaux: I think it's okay as long as you've already had at least three dates. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 19: - Long Days Journey into Marinara Blanche Devereaux: Angela, that was the best meal I've ever had in my life. Angela: Well, how good could it have been? You left half of it. Blanche Devereaux: I ate every bite! Angela: There's some sauce left. If you'd really liked it, you'd take a hunk of bread and sop it all up. You can afford it! Blanche Devereaux: Oh, no I cant! I've put on a few pounds, you just haven't noticed. Angela: What am I blind? I can see that. I meant the bread. You can afford it, it's only 89 cents a loaf. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: You two made such a fantastic meal. I can't imagine what you came up with for dessert. Rose Nylund: I made dessert! Blanche Devereaux: Damn! Rose Nylund: What you say Blanche? Blanche Devereaux: Yum. I said yum Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, is this another one of those Scandanavian viking concoctions? Rose Nylund: Yes! It's called Geneukenfleuken cake. An ancient recipe but I amercanised it. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: So one might say you brought "Geneukenfleuken" into the 80s? Rose Nylund: Yes. But I'm not one to blow my own vetugenfluken. Sophia Petrillo: I can't even reach mine. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 17: - Bedtime Story Sophia Petrillo: I wasn't asleep. I was just resting my eyes so you'd leave me alone. I used to do that with your father. It only worked about half of the time. Asleep, awake - didn't matter to him! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Please, Ma. You slept like a baby. I know becasues I spent the whole night awake in that chair. Blanche Devereaux: Well, it couldn't be any worse than trying to sleep on a hard wooden bench in the middle of a railway station! Sophia Petrillo: Boy, you do it any place, don't you, Blanche? Rose Nylund: Blanche is talking about coming home from Edna McCarthy's funeral. Sophia Petrillo: Edna McCarthy is dead? Oh my God, that's terrible. I just sent her a chain letter. There's a dollar I'll never see! |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - Bedtime Story Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [as Rose is praying to God, Dorothy has had enough and lowers her voice before she speaks] Rose, thanks for the lovely prayer. Now SHUT UP and get into bed. Rose Nylund: [wide eyed, thinking it's really the voice of God] Amen! |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - Bedtime Story Rose Nylund: Why don't we wait outside on the platform? The train will be along in a few minutes. Stationmaster: The 9:15 to Miami left at 8:45. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: How could our train have left a half-hour early? Stationmaster: Oh, all the trains out of Appalappichobee leave early. That's what our town's famous for! Now, y'all may think this sounds kinda silly, but we actually printed "Our Trains Leave Early" right on the town seal! Rose Nylund: You have a town seal? Can he play a song on those little horns? Stationmaster: No, but he can balance a ball on his nose if you throw him a catfish first! Blanche Devereaux: This is like a Twilight Zone... somehow we got on a train that ended up inside Rose's mind. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Yeah, uh, when is the next train to Miami? Stationmaster: Well, we've got one scheduled to leave at 6 AM tomorrow morning. Rose Nylund: Does that mean it'll actually leave at 5:30? Stationmaster: Welcome to Appalappichobee! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 16: - And Then There Was One Rose Nylund: You know what's funny? Everytime the baby's diaper needs to be changed, the bears disappear. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: That's funny, everytime my kids' diapers needed to be changed, my husband would disappear. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 11: - 'Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas Blanche Devereaux: Did I ever tell you girls I met my husband George on Christmas Eve? Rose Nylund: Oh, Blanche! How exciting! Blanche Devereaux: Let me tell you just how exciting a Christmas Eve can be. I was home from college on Christmas vacation, when my best friend, Lisa Jane Biedler fixed me up with the most beautiful boy I've ever laid my eyes on. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: George. Blanche Devereaux: No, this was Richard Jay Wilde. And believe me, his name said it all! Huh-huh-huh! We must've pulled over on the side of the road five times on our way to that Christmas dance. Ha-hah! Rose Nylund: It's always best to drive defensively over the holidays. Blanche Devereaux: Anyway, when we finally got to the dance, why, Richard dropped me off, and I turned and ran smack into a man so gorgeous he made Richard Jay Wilde look like a pre-pubescent choirboy. Rose Nylund: George. Blanche Devereaux: No-no, no. Ernie Willis. Well, Ernie smiled. And the next thing I knew, we were dancing in a local bar. When all of a sudden I heard a deep voice say, "Hm-hm... May I cut in?" Well when I turned, I saw the man I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. Albert: George. Blanche Devereaux: Uh, no. No. Thomas Pennville. Uh-huh. Well, after Thomas and I left... Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Blanche! I could get herpes listening to this story! |
| Season 2 / Episode 11: - 'Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas Rose Nylund: We could have an old-fashioned Scandinavian Christmas. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Rose, I am not going to drink eggnog while wearing a metal brassiere. Rose Nylund: We don't do that at Christmas, Dorothy, we do that at Easter. |
| Season 2 / Episode 11: - 'Twas the Nightmare Before Christmas Rose Nylund: Sophia, look out, he has a gun! Sophia Petrillo: [steals the gun from Santa] This is a toy! Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: I don't believe it! Sophia Petrillo: Neither do I, you call yourself a Sicilian and you can't tell the difference between a toy and a real piece? |
 | Season 2 / Episode 6: - Big Daddy's Little Lady Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [singing] Miami is nice, so I'll say it twice. Miami is nice! Miami is nice! Miami is nice! Wait a minute, you put in an extra "Miami is nice". The lyrics don't make any sense. It goes "Miami is nice, so I'll say it *twice*." Rose Nylund: Well what about this: "Miami is nice, so I'll say it thrice!" Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Who the hell says "thrice"? Rose Nylund: It's a word! Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: So is intrauterine, it doesn't belong in a song! Rose Nylund: [singing] Miami, you're cuter than an intrauterine! Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [storms off] |
| Season 2 / Episode 6: - Big Daddy's Little Lady Big Daddy: Well, now I don't want you to get too excited, but Margaret and I are planning on walking down the aisle together. Blanche Devereaux: OHHHHHHH! Big Daddy: Is she happy or sad? Rose Nylund: I'm not sure, I've never heard her make that sound before. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: No, I once heard her make that sound, and I assure you, she was happy. |
 | Season 2 / Episode 4: - It's a Miserable Life Blanche Devereaux: Mrs Claxton, how lovely it is to see you again. Frieda Claxton: Who are you? Blanche Devereaux: I'm your neighbour, Blanche Deveraux. Frieda Claxton: Oh, yeah. I didn't recognise you with your clothes on. Blanche Devereaux: I beg your pardon? Frieda Claxton: With my binoculars, I have a terrific view in your bedroom window. I think some of the stuff you do is illegal. I'm looking into it. Blanche Devereaux: You miserable old... Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [interrupting] Let's try and get along. Mrs Claxton, I don't know if you remember me. Dorothy Zbornak. Frieda Claxton: Sure, I know you. You're the one with nothing going on in your bedroom. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Why, you miserable old... Rose Nylund: [interrupting] Dorothy! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 3: - Take Him, He's Mine Dorothy: I won't be seeing Geoffrey any more. He's leaving town. Rose Nylund: I knew it. The minute I heard you were dating a sailor, I said to myself there'll be nothing but heartaches. Those squabbies drift into port, park their diddies on your doorstep, show you some tricks they learnt in the Orient and then it's, "Avast me hearties," and they shove off with a serpent tattoo and your heart as souvenirs. Dorothy: You've been reading Treasure Island again, Rose. |
| Season 2 / Episode 3: - Take Him, He's Mine Sophia Petrillo: Rose, let me gve you a few lessons in economics. Lesson one: quit being an idiot. Rose Nylund: Ok. Sophia Petrillo: Lesson number two: the law of supply and demand. Before you supply the sandwihes, you demand the money. Rose Nylund: Ok. Sophia Petrillo: Lesson number three: quit being an idiot. |
| Season 2 / Episode 3: - Take Him, He's Mine Rose Nylund: Dorothy went out with a komodor, Blanche went out with Stan, and I stayed home making bacon, lettuce, and potato sandwiches! |
 | Season 2 / Episode 2: - Ladies of the Evening Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: This has to be the biggest disappointment of my life! Blanche Devereaux: Yes! Rose Nylund: Yeah. And I've known some real disappointments too, believe me! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, you're not going to tell us the story about the exploding pig again, are you? Rose Nylund: I never told you a story about an exploding pig, Dorothy. It was a peg-legged pig! Our possum was the one that exploded. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Forgive me, Rose. There have been so many possum explosions lately, it's hard to keep track. Blanche Devereaux: So, what was this great disappointment in your life, Rose? Rose Nylund: Butter. I wanted to be butter queen! Blanche Devereaux: Oh, yeah. What an actress. She was so good in Gone with the Wind. I wanted to be Miss Olivia de havilland myself. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Blanche are you listening to this? Blanche Devereaux: Bits and pieces. |
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