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Rose Nylund Quotes
 | Season 4 / Episode 8: - Brother, Can You Spare That Jacket? Rose Nylund: [about Blanche's jacket] It looks like you got a jacket somebody else returned. It's kind of beat up. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Rose, that's the style, it's an aviator's jacket. Blanche Devereaux: And now all I need is some accessories for it. Rose Nylund: Like a handbag? Blanche Devereaux: Like an aviator. |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - Brother, Can You Spare That Jacket? Rose Nylund: Oh darn, I forgot to brush my teeth. Ben: I know what you mean, I'm used to brushing my teeth after every meal... you wouldn't happen to have a meal on you, would you? |
| Season 4 / Episode 8: - Brother, Can You Spare That Jacket? Blanche Devereaux: I suppose I could try a little friendly persuasion. Rose Nylund: Friendly persuasion hell, this isn't for lunch at the Rainbow Room, this is for 10 big ones, give him what he wants! |
 | Season 4 / Episode 4: - Yokel Hero Rose Nylund: If it were clearer we could see Mount Losenbaden. Blanche Devereaux: What's Mount Losenbaden? Rose Nylund: It's kinda like Mount Rushmore, except they sculpted four losers of Presidential elections in the mountainside. Let's see - there was Alf Landon, Wendell Willkie and Adlai Stevenson and Adlai Stevenson. Blanche Devereaux: Why are there two Adlai Stevensons? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, Blanche, isn't it obvious? He lost twice... Oh god - it's making sense! |
 | Season 4 / Episode 3: - The One That Got Away Rose Nylund: [Rose sees Dorothy looking through binoculars] What are you doing, Dorothy? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh... looking up at the stars... pondering the universe. Rose Nylund: I've been doing the same thing... thinking how wonderful it would be if there really were aliens... maybe it'd be just like Cocoon... they'd take us away... and we'd never grown old... Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: See, I don't know. I like my life. I mean - I'm not president or anything, I'm just a teacher... a substitute teacher... a divorced substitute teacher... who can't even afford her own place to live - BEAM ME UP! |
| Season 4 / Episode 3: - The One That Got Away Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, there is no such thing as a U.F.O. Rose Nylund: They were probably looking for someone to bring up to the ship. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Fine, then you stay out here, flag them down if they fly by again. I'll go inside and pack a bag. Rose Nylund: But I want to be the one to go! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Whose bag do you think I'm going to pack? |
| Season 4 / Episode 3: - The One That Got Away Rose Nylund: So, Ham, what's "Ham" short for? Sophia Petrillo: My guess is "ham and potatoes"! |
 | Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Days and Nights of Sophia Petrillo Blanche Devereaux: He had these long, floppy ears. Kind of like a basset hound. When he came to pick me up for our blind date, I couldn't believe it. He jumped out of the car, and ran up the walk, and bounded up on to the front porch, and I remember thinking, "He's gonna trip on those ears." But he didn't. So there he stood before me introducing himself, and I don't know, I was still so stunned, I just kind of half-muttered a "Howdy-do" and he said, "I beg your pardon? I didn't hear you." Well, I don't know what came over me, but I just blurted out, "Didn't hear me? I think you could pick up Radio Free Europe with those ears!" And you know what he did? He laughed. Well, right then and there I started growing very fond of Mr. Preston Bougainvillea, and over the next several months we saw quite a lot of each other. Rose Nylund: Oh, that's really very sweet, Blanche. Blanche Devereaux: I know... By the way, did you girls know that the size of a man's ears is directly proportionate to the size of his other... bodily organs? Rose Nylund: ...What do you mean? Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: He had a big, floppy pancreas, Rose. |
| Season 4 / Episode 2: - The Days and Nights of Sophia Petrillo Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: The most amazing thing about Grandma was that, in 1952, she decided to go into politics. Rose Nylund: Politics? Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Uh huh, she felt it was her personal responsibility to elect Adlai Stevenson president. [pauses] Well, she didn't care for Eisenhower because, you know, he claimed to have liberated Italy, and she said Italy was liberated enough. Already too many people eating meat on Friday [chuckling]... and wearing condoms on Saturday. Rose Nylund: Whatever happened to her? Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [sarcastically] She colonized life on Venus. Rose, she was 94 when I was 6. She died, you idiot! Rose Nylund: How did she die? Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: You know, we're not sure. One night, she left in her wheelchair and she never came back. The next day, the neighborhood kids had a go cart with two *really big* back wheels. |
 | Season 4 / Episode 1: - Yes, We Have No Havanas Rose Nylund: Gee, Sophia! You're awfully cranky today. Sophia Petrillo: Well, forgive me. But my arthritis is playing me up. My social security check was late. And I realized today I haven't showered with a man in twenty-two years! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Ma, pop's been dead twenty-seven years. Sophia Petrillo: What's your point? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Ma, what are you saying? Rose Nylund: Isn't it obvious, Dorothy? She showered with a dead man for five years. |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - Yes, We Have No Havanas Rose Nylund: Oh girls! Girls - guess what I got... Sophia Petrillo: Wait a minute! Rose Nylund: I've got... Sophia Petrillo: Wait a minute! Why do you always come into a room and say 'Girls! Girls!' Do you see Molly Ringwald sitting here? |
| Season 4 / Episode 1: - Yes, We Have No Havanas Rose Nylund: [proudly] Sophia, I'm a high school graduate! Sophia Petrillo: Congratulations. Now you can get any job involving a cardboard hat. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 23: - Mixed Blessing Sophia Petrillo: [Sophia walks in and sees Lorraine and her family, of African American decent] What is this a revival of Raisins in the Sun? Michael Zbornak: Grandma, this is my fiancé, Lorraine, and this is her mother and her two aunts. Sophia Petrillo: Wait-wait-wait-wait... This is your fiancé? Michael Zbornak: Yep, that's right. Sophia Petrillo: You couldn't find someone your own age? Greta: What is that supposed to mean? Sophia Petrillo: No offense, but it looks as though you're daughter's been around the block more times then a good humour man! Greta: [Turns to her sister] Hold my purse - those are fighting words! Rose Nylund: Stop it all of you! What difference does it make that Lorraine's a little long in the tooth and Michael's a skinny white boy? Can't you see they love each other? We should be celebrating not arguing whether or not it's right. Now what do you say we all join hands and sing a chorus of 'Abraham, Martin and John?' Greta: Is she for real? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Yep - frightening isn't it? |
| Season 3 / Episode 23: - Mixed Blessing Rose Nylund: [as she and Dorothy look at her reflection after a makeover] Oh my god I look awful! Oh Dorothy - its you! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I'm sorry Rose, I'm sorry - I forgot it was a full-moon. |
| Season 3 / Episode 23: - Mixed Blessing Rose Nylund: Are you nervous because you haven't met Michael's fiance? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: No, Rose. I'm nervous because if Sonny Bono gets elected Mayor of Palm Springs, he's going to make all the postman wear leather bell bottoms and a fur vest. |
| Season 3 / Episode 23: - Mixed Blessing Rose Nylund: [Dorothy is unhappy with her son marrying an older, African-American woman] The same thing happened to the Bigbotters back in St. Olaf. You see Gretchen had this thing for Buddy, but Mr. Bigbotter didn't approve - he did his best to keep them apart. But, one day he came home, early, and found Gretchen and Buddy in... how will I say it... most indelicate situation. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: What did he do? Rose Nylund: Well he yelled at them to stop - but they wouldn't so he turned the hose on them! Blanche Devereaux: He turned the hose on them? Rose Nylund: Well they were in the front yard! [Blanche gasps] Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Wait - wait - wait a minute, Rose. Buddy and Gretchen - weren't people were they? Rose Nylund: Of course not - they were dogs! Gretchen was a Dalmation and Buddy was a Schnauzer - and Mr. Bigbotter wasn't too happy when he ended up with a litter of Schnalmations! Blanche Devereaux: ...You know, Rose, sometimes I wished somebody had turned the hose on your parents. |
| Season 3 / Episode 23: - Mixed Blessing Rose Nylund: Can I ask a dumb question? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Better than anybody I know. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 21: - Larceny and Old Lace Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [about Rocco, Sophia's latest boyfriend]... Ever since ma started seeing him she's on the phone all the time she stays up all night, last night she came with Niquel on her breath and his surgical stockings in her pocket. Rose Nylund: Dorothy, can I ask you something? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I don't know what it means - I just don't like the possibilities. Rose Nylund: No - I wanted to ask you - do you think Blanche has been picking on me lately? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I haven't noticed. Rose Nylund: [Blanche walks in] Hi, Blanche! Blanche Devereaux: ...Must you always be so cheerful you... empty-headed, Mary Poppins knock-off! Rose Nylund: [to Dorothy] Let me know if you notice anything. |
| Season 3 / Episode 21: - Larceny and Old Lace Rose Nylund: Hi girls... gee what's my diary doing here? Next to a pair of pliers? Blanche Devereaux: Rose, whatever it is you're thinking - it isn't true. Rose Nylund: Good - then George Bush isn't married to his mother? |
 | Season 3 / Episode 15: - Dorothy's New Friend Blanche: Barbara, I picked up your first novel the other day. Barbara Thorndyke: Ah, yes. "So Dark the Waves On Biscayne Bay" [to Dorothy] I've grown so much as a writer since then. Blanche: Well, I should hope so! Dorothy: Blanche! Barbara Thorndyke: [to Dorothy] It's alright [patronisingly to Blanche] Did you have a problem with my book, dear? Blanche: Yes, as a matter of fact I did, all those waves! Big waves. Little waves. Dark waves, rollin' in! Page after page! I had to take a Dramamine to get through chapter three! Barbara Thorndyke: Blanche, the waves are a metaphor. You see, a metaphor... Blanche: I know what a metaphor is, dear. I'm not a dummy. Rose Nylund: Blanche, what's a metaphor? Blanche: It's when you use a phrase to mean somethin' else. Like when I say "Men are blinded by my beauty". They're not really blinded. They get their sight back in a day or two! |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Dorothy's New Friend Rose Nylund: Barbara Thorndyke is coming here? Wow! I've never met a real author before. Blanche: I have. I once stood in line at a bookstore for Arnold Schwarzenegger's autograph! Dorothy: You know, when I think of great literary figures of our time it's usually Faulkner, Fritgerald and... Blanche: And Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Rose Nylund: Did he sign your book? Blanche: Yes. But only after he refused to sign my thigh! Dorothy: He was probably intimidated to see a thigh bigger than his. |
| Season 3 / Episode 15: - Dorothy's New Friend Blanche: What was your first impression of me? Rose Nylund: That you wore too much make-up and were a slut. But I was wrong. You don't wear too much make-up. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Audit Mr. Escobar: ¡Buenos días, señoritas! Rose Nylund: ¡Buenos días! ¿Cómo está? ¡Queremos todo tu dinero! Mr. Escobar: [raising hands up] Please! Don't hurt me, just take my money! Rose Nylund: I'm sorry, I think got my verbs mixed up! |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Audit Rose Nylund: Norweigans are notoriously bad at Spanish. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I guess that's why there are no herring tacos. |
| Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Audit Rose Nylund: I can't get my promotion unless I become bilingual. Blanche Devereaux: Oh no! Honey don't do that, no job is worth having to date women! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Blanche! Bilingual means someone who speaks more than one language! Blanche Devereaux: Oh! [laughs] And here I thought it was something sexual. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 9: - A Visit From Little Sven Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Blanche, did anything happen between you and Sven that would make him think that you liked him? [Blanche seems reluctant to answer] Sven: You mean you didn't tell them about you kissing me? Rose Nylund: KISSING him? Sven: Or stroking my hair? Rose Nylund: Stroking his hair? Sven: Or feeding me? Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [sees that Rose is speechless] All right, I'll say it. FEEDING him? |
| Season 3 / Episode 9: - A Visit From Little Sven Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [looking at an erotic cake Rose unwittingly bought] WHOA OH! Blanche Devereaux: Why Rose Nylund. Why, that cake is in the shape of... Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Blanche, we know what it is. Rose Nylund: I thought it was in the shape of Florida! Blanche Devereaux: That reminds me... I gotta give Charlie Milborn a call. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: If this cake reminds you of Charlie Milborn, we can BOTH give him a call! |
 | Season 3 / Episode 8: - Brotherly Love Rose Nylund: Four nights in a row and I still can't sleep! Sophia Petrillo: Please! I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I was seventy. Rose Nylund: I shouldn't complain; I mean, four nights is nothing compared to Elsie Uteruden back in St. Olaf. She stayed away for 17 straight days in a rocking chair marathon. Course she couldn't have done it without the moral support of her children... and her husband... and his cattle prod. |
 | Season 3 / Episode 4: - The Housekeeper Blanche Devereaux: So, Marguerite, wont you start by telling us a little about yourself. Marguerite Brown: Well, there isn't much to tell. I'm hard working. Honest. And I'll work for a reasonable wage. Rose Nylund: That's it? Marguerite Brown: Alright. I wont go on with this charade any longer. There is something else, I'm black. Now if that's a problem for you, I'm white. Course that'll cost you extra! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, Marguerite, I could kiss you! Marguerite Brown: And I don't go for that freaky stuff. Rose Nylund: Oh, neither do Dorothy and I. |
| Season 3 / Episode 4: - The Housekeeper Sophia Petrillo: So what's all this crap about you putting a curse on my daughter? Marguerite Brown: What is she talking about? Sophia Petrillo: Don't play dumb with me. I've been known to cast a curse myself. Do you think Shelley Long was really tired of playing in Cheers? Wrong, baby! I was tired of her! Marguerite Brown: Is that what you think this is all about? You think I put a curse on you? Blanche Devereaux: Well, it's true! You got mad at us for firing you, that's why you reversed that love potion you gave me. Marguerite Brown: Honey, that wasn't love potion. That was Chanel Number 5! Rose Nylund: I'm not buying that! Dorothy uses Chanel Number 5 all the time and she never attracts men! |
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