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Rose Nylund Quotes
 | Season 7 / Episode 16: - The Commitments Rose Nylund: Dorothy, I'm sorry I won't be able to quiz you; Jake and I are due at the Hubbards, but I have a book here that should help you prepare for your Jeopardy try-out. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: The St. Olaf High School yearbook? No. Thanks anyway, Rose, I don't think I'll be needing it. Rose Nylund: Well, okay, Miss Know-it-all. But if Alex Trebek asks you what years Oaf Horwal was on the student council back to back, don't come crying to me. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: 1946 and '47. Rose Nylund: [shocked] Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: I intend to win this. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 15: - Goodbye, Mr. Gordon Blanche Devereaux: [entering the kitchen] I am nothing but a cheap, tawdry slut! Rose Nylund: [sitting with her back to the door] Don't tell me... Is it Blanche? |
 | Season 7 / Episode 14: - Old Boyfriends Blanche Devereaux: [In a fake friendly voice] Rose, could I see you for a moment? Rose Nylund: [Rose fakes wondering if Blanche meant her, in order to stall for time. Approaches Blanche and Dorothy] You're mad aren't you? Blanche Devereaux: Rose Nylund, every man I know is watching this show. This live show. This live show about "Lesbian Lovers of Miami". Rose Nylund: Every man you know is watching? Hey, we could beat "The Price Is Right"! Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, we can't kill you here because there are cameras. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 13: - The Pope's Ring Blanche Devereaux: [on learning that Rose had 56 boyfriends during her senior year of high school] If that were true Rose, then that would mean you were... a slut. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Oh, come on, Blanche, how can you say that? So the woman had fifty-six boyfriends in one year. She's not a slut. Rose Nylund: Thank you, Dorothy. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: She is The Slut! She is the Grand Poobah of Sluts! She is the easiest woman in this room! Blanche Devereaux: Dorothy Zbornak, you take that back! Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [indicating Blanche and then Rose] The Slut is dead, long live The Slut! |
| Season 7 / Episode 13: - The Pope's Ring Rose Nylund: [after shutting the door] I have no idea who that man is! Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Rose, why didn't you tell him you don't remember him? Rose Nylund: And hurt an old friend? Boy Dorothy, no wonder nobody likes you! |
 | Season 7 / Episode 11: - Room 7 Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: You don't know anything about law. Rose Nylund: I sure do. Every Thursday night I watch La Law. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Rose, that's L.A. Law. Rose Nylund: I wondered why Susan Dey didn't speak with a French accent. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 10: - Ro$e Love$ Mile$ Rose Nylund: [after Dorothy pretends to be the voice of Blanche's dead grammy] Feets don't fail me now! |
 | Season 7 / Episode 8: - The Monkey Show (1) Rose Nylund: [running a telethon by herself with only Blanche to man the phones] While Blanche is doing that, why don't I head on over to the piano? I'd like to sing you a song that I used to sing as a child. It's an old Minnesotan farm song entitled "I Never Thought I'd Grow a Hair There." [plays a piano intro, then sings] Oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa, Oh what the hell is that... Blanche Devereaux: Rose, we just got a pledge for twenty dollars. Rose Nylund: Oh! Let's go to the tote board. Drum roll! [grabs drum sticks and plays a roll, then hits the cymbal. $20 comes up on the tote board.] We're off to a good start. OK, now where was I? Oh, yes! Where Hans first spots the hair. Oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa... Blanche Devereaux: Rose! Rose, I just got a pledge for fifty dollars if you will stop singing. Sophia Petrillo: [over the phone to Blanche] That's right. Fifty bucks if she stops singing, and I'll throw in another fifty if you slam the piano lid on her fingers. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 5: - Where's Charlie? Rose Nylund: If I'm going to wear this, I have to know what it is. Miles Webber: Well it's a friendship ring, like Abbott might've given to Costello. Rose Nylund: Oh Miles, so we're... a dead comedy team? |
| Season 7 / Episode 5: - Where's Charlie? Rose Nylund: Sophia, this is the meanest thing you've ever done. Sophia Petrillo: Oh come on, how about the time I buried you up to your neck in the sand and let kids throw baseballs at you for a quarter? Rose Nylund: Well I can't hold that one against you, that was for charity. Sophia Petrillo: Yeah charity, right. |
 | Season 7 / Episode 4: - That's For Me to Know Blanche Devereaux: All right, everybody, just write down who you think ought to leave. Rose Nylund: Well, you know this is a waste of time. I'm just going to write down myself. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Don't tell us that! No, maybe we should do this. It's the fairest way. Rose Nylund: All right, but it's just gonna end up being me. Blanche Devereaux: [collects the ballots] Okay. Okay. Here we go. Good luck, ladies... [reads the ballots one by one] Dorothy... Dorothy... Dorothy... Dorothy. Sophia Petrillo: Well, that's it. Let's eat. I'm starved. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Wait a minute! How did this happen? Sophia Petrillo: We all voted for you. Blanche Devereaux: Well, Dorothy, it's your own damn fault. Why did you have to vote for yourself? Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: I just assumed that everyone was gonna vote for Rose, and I- I didn't want a sweep to hurt her feelings. Blanche Devereaux: I guess that would hurt. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: IT DOES-S-S! |
| Season 7 / Episode 4: - That's For Me to Know Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Now if we want to stay together we're going to have to raise $10,000. Blanche Devereaux: Well, I don't see why I have to raise any money. I didn't create this problem. I think the moronic Scandinavian nitwit ought to pay it. Rose Nylund: She's talking about me, isn't she? Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: No, Rose. She's talking about Spike Lee. Rose Nylund: Don't get smart with me, Dorothy, just because you're out $10,000. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Me? Rose Nylund: Face facts. I mean, we were already roommates when you brought your mother in. So eiher pay up or Sophia should move out. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Well, thank you very much! But if anybody is going to put my mother out in the cold, it's going to be me. |
| Season 7 / Episode 4: - That's For Me to Know Rose Nylund: I am the smartest woman in the whole world! Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: And I am the Pygmy queen! |
 | Season 7 / Episode 2: - The Case of the Libertine Belle Blanche Devereaux: Oh, Kendall is sitting down with Posey MacGlinn. She is my main rival for that assistants job. Oh, look at the shameless way she's flirting with him. Disgusting! Rose Nylund: You flirted with him. Blanche Devereaux: I'm from the South. Flirting is part of my heritage. Rose Nylund: What does that mean? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Her mother was a slut, too. |
| Season 7 / Episode 2: - The Case of the Libertine Belle Blanche Devereaux: Ah! Look at the shameless way she's flirtin' with him... Dis-gustin'! Rose Nylund: You flirted with him. Blanche Devereaux: I'm from the South. Flirting is part of my heritage. Rose Nylund: What do you mean? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Her mother was a slut too. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 26: - Henny Penny -- Straight, No Chaser Rose Nylund: It's time I gave something back to the chicken community. A chicken once saved my life. Blanche Devereaux: They *are* the dumbest birds. |
| Season 6 / Episode 26: - Henny Penny -- Straight, No Chaser Rose Nylund: You're not going to believe this, I just saw a cloud that looked exactly like a cotton ball. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 23: - Love for Sale Rose Nylund: On Stan's behalf, Charlie once made a lot of money in business with a partner who was also a lousy, no-good, underhanded, backstabbing worm. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Let me guess Rose, Ivan Boesky-Vanderfloovenhoover-meistergarbengerbenfleckman. Rose Nylund: That's the louse. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 17: - There Goes the Bride (2) Truby Steele: Who tied dead fish to the car? Rose Nylund: It's a St. Olaf tradition- you keep driving until you can't stand the smell anymore and that's where you live! Truby Steele: [to Blanche] Crazy or stupid? Blanche Devereaux: We think it's a mix. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 14: - Sisters of the Bride Rose Nylund: Oh!... Well, what's a policeman doing bringing fares from the airport? I know! I bet you do undercover work! Sophia Petrillo: And I'll bet he does it damn well. Dorothy: Heh, heh, heh. You'll have to excuse my mother. She, uh, survived a slight stroke which left her, if I can be frank, a complete burden. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 12: - Ebbtide's Revenge Blanche Devereaux: He looks very peaceful and natural. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Yeah... as natural as a man can look wearing a black teddy. Rose Nylund: It's a beautiful teddy... I think more men should be buried in teddies. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: I've just gotta remember that it's not the clothes that make the man, it's the man that makes the clothes oh God he looks like he died in a Benny Hill sketch! |
| Season 6 / Episode 12: - Ebbtide's Revenge Rose Nylund: [about Phil] So what if he was different? It's okay that you loved him. Sophia Petrillo: [voice cracking] I did love him. He was my son, my little boy. But every time I saw him I wondered what I did, what I said, when was the day I did whatever I did to make him the way he was. Angela Petrillo: [tenderly] What he was Sophia, was a good man. Sophia Petrillo: [breaking down crying] My baby is gone! |
 | Season 6 / Episode 10: - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...Before They Die Rose Nylund: [after Sophia mistakes Miles for her date] Sophia, it's Miles. Miles Webber: Hey, you look beautiful! Sophia Petrillo: Boy, it has been a long time. Hasn't it, big fella? |
 | Season 6 / Episode 9: - Mrs. George Devereaux Rose Nylund: Someone was actually able to deceived me once. Sophia Petrillo: Do tell, Rose. Rose Nylund: St. Olaf's most famous OBMAG. Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: What's that? Rose Nylund: Obstetrician-Magician. The Amazing Shapiro. He delivered Bridget. But it was so confusing. "It's a girl! Now it's a dove... Now it's a glass of milk." I don't know how he got her in that deck of cards, but there she was right after the King of Hearts. "Is this your baby?" |
| Season 6 / Episode 9: - Mrs. George Devereaux Blanche Devereaux: I'm back to my old self, Blanche Devereaux is back. Sophia Petrillo: Oh boy, strike up the gland. [gets up and leaves] Blanche Devereaux: Well how mean, you'd think she'd feel sorry for me. Rose Nylund: To tell you the truth, I don't feel sorry for you either. My Charlie is dead, nobody's giving me a second chance. Sophia Petrillo: But after what he did to me... Rose Nylund: Blanche, it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. You wanted George back, and he's here now. Tell him you love him, tell him you hate him, I don't care, but see him before he leaves, do it for yourself, do it for all of us who wish we had a second chance. |
 | Season 6 / Episode 6: - Feelings Rose Nylund: When the nitrous oxide wore off, Lou, that's my dentist, said he was checking my heartbeat but I think he was checking out more than that if you get my drift. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Why do you say that, Rose? Rose Nylund: I don't think wowie-wow-wow-wow is a medical term. Blanche Devereaux: No! How could he do a thing like that? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Believe me, just because doctors wear white does not mean that they're angels. |
| Season 6 / Episode 6: - Feelings Rose Nylund: You wouldn't believe how many people think I'm dumb just because I look like this! Sophia Petrillo: Rose, you underestimate yourself- I know people who think you sound dumb over the phone! |
 | Season 6 / Episode 5: - Wham, Bam, Thank You, Mammy Rose Nylund: [to Blanche] Blanche, are you alright? Blanche Devereaux: I'm stunned, I'm just stunned. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Honey, what's wrong? Blanche Devereaux: That call, it was Viola Watkins, she used to be my Mammy. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Your what? Blanche Devereaux: My Mammy, the woman who took care of me when I was little. Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't think I ever heard anyone called Mammy before. Rose Nylund: What about Mrs. Eisenhower? Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Mammy Eisenhower... I think only the Nixon kids got to call her that. |
| Season 6 / Episode 5: - Wham, Bam, Thank You, Mammy Rose Nylund: You know, I had a nanny when I was a child. She was my best friend. I could tell her anything and I'd know she would keep it a secret. We used to spend the days running and playing in the meadow or playing hide and seek in the barn. My nanny treated me like I was her own kid [tears up] . Excuse me [leaves room] . Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [Upon Rose leaving room] Is there anyone here who doesn't think she was talking about a goat? [Sophia and Blanche shake heads as no] . |
| Season 6 / Episode 5: - Wham, Bam, Thank You, Mammy Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I'm still furious with Ma for hooking me up with that matchmaker. Rose Nylund: That reminds me of a story about St. Olaf's most famous matchmaker... Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, please Rose! Spare me the endless, inane details of how Heidi Flugendugelgurgenplotz successfully matched a bull with a duck!... And how their daughter was a bull-duck who ran a small tattoo parlor in Carmel. |
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