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 | Unknown Episode: Ellen: Kaaaaa! |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: Oh... mama! |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: Now before we continue on, is it, do I call you "sir"? Paul McCartney: King. |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: What's it like to be you? Paul McCartney: Weird, man. |
| Unknown Episode: Paul McCartney: They were throwing money at us to get off. |
| Unknown Episode: The Rock: Hello? Ellen: Hi! Madonna? Is that you? |
| Unknown Episode: Robert Downey Jr.: I play an evil scientist in The Shaggy Dog, and I'm a lot like the character I play. Except I'm not evil. Ellen: Or a scientist. [Audience laughs] Robert Downey Jr.: [Closes eyes] This is one of those moments I just need to to stop and recollect my thoughts. |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: [During her stand-up routine] You know how you always expect someone to think the same as you and then your like, really shocked when they don't? Like when it's a cold day and you turn to the person next to you and say, 'Its so cold, aren't you cold?' and then they say 'no.' It's kinda like, 'what, are you a communist?' |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: She doesn't have a mouth. |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: I'm really glad that high jeans are coming back in fashion, cause you know how all the jeans are low now? And cause, you know, sometimes I have to bend down [Audience laugh] No, but it's really good higher jeans are coming back in fashion. Remember the jeans back in the 80's? That kinda high was good. But any higher and they'd be strapless jeans. |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: Hi, where are you from? Audience Member: Orlando, Florida. Ellen: Oh, we were just there. Did you come see us? Audience Member: Ah, no. I couldn't. That's why I'm here now. Ellen: Oh, well, that's much more convenient. |
| Unknown Episode: Hand Puppet: It wouldn't have worked out anyway. Ellen: Why's that? Hand Puppet: I was dating a sock. Ellen: Oh Hand Puppet: And we never went anywhere. Ellen: Well that's no good. Hand Puppet: Yeh, and one day he went into the dryer and never came back. |
| Unknown Episode: Ricardo Chavira: [Speaking of ghosts in his house] I'll try and keep them happy. Maybe I'll bring them flowers. Ellen: Yeh, ghosts like flowers. Ricardo Chavira: Do you know what kind? Ellen: ...forget-me-nots? |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: Make me dance Tony! |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: [Playing horses or Hippies] They eat grass. Audience Member: Hippies. Ellen: No, it's horses. Hippies don't *eat* grass [winks] |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools. |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: [Speaking about the Emmy's] You know, winning is not important. It's about how you feel about yourself. And of course, you're gonna feel a whole lot better about yourself if you win. |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: Who needs sleep? I laugh in the face of sleep! |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: Hi, where are you from? Stand-In DJ: I was born in Sydney, Australia, but I moved here fourteen years ago. Ellen: Oh, well in case no-one has said it yet, welcome to our country! |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: Am I right, ladies? |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. |
| Unknown Episode: Ellen: Take that, Oprah! |
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