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Characters: #3 of 19 (Full List)
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Played by:
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 | Season 4 / Episode 27: - Never Bathe on Saturday Laura Petrie: [from the bathroom] Where's that stupid maid with the key? Robert 'Rob' Petrie: She's right here, honey. Maid: Stupid maid, huh? Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Well, we had a stupid maid once. |
| Season 4 / Episode 27: - Never Bathe on Saturday Maid: Dearie, would you try jiggling the door knob? Laura Petrie: I can't reach the door knob. Maid: Why not? Robert 'Rob' Petrie: She's stuck. May I please? Maid: Look, why can't your wife reach the door from the other side? Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Because she's stuck in the tub. Maid: She calls me stupid? How could she do that? |
| Season 4 / Episode 23: - Girls Will Be Boys Laura Petrie: [Ritchie has just told a very unconvincing lie to his parents] Our son is an awful liar! Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Now, honey, he doesn't do it very often... Laura Petrie: I know! That's why he's no good at it! |
| Season 2 / Episode 20: - It May Look Like a Walnut! Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Oh, what a nightmare! What a nightmare! I dreamed that I was a Twylo-ite. And that I lost my sense of humor and my thumbs! [kisses thumbs fervently] Laura Petrie: I dreamt that Danny Thomas was chasing me and throwing walnuts at me and every place he'd hit me I'd lose a thumb and grow an eye! |
| Season 2 / Episode 4: - Bank Book 6565696 Rob Petrie: What I'd like to know is why you think you have to have your own private bank account. Laura Petrie: Because I do, Rob. Rob Petrie: Alright then. The next logical question is what's wrong with the money in our joint account? Laura Petrie: Well, that's our account and our money. This is my money. Rob Petrie: Your money? Laura Petrie: Yes. I want some of my own money to spend on anything I want. It's important to me. I don't want everything coming from you. Rob Petrie: Where'd you get this money? Laura Petrie: From you. Rob Petrie: Well then isn't it the same thing? You get money from me or you get money from that, which came from me. Laura Petrie: No, Rob, it's completely different. I put this money in a little at a time. At first, it's from you. But after it lies around a while I forget it came from you and then it's from me! Rob Petrie: [Rob gives Laura a funny look] Laura Petrie: Oh you just don't understand! Rob Petrie: Oh, yes, I understand. You want some money that's all your own. What I don't understand is why! Laura Petrie: That's it! That's it! That's it! Rob Petrie: What's it? Laura Petrie: You just don't understand! Rob Petrie: Look, honey, I want to understand, but you've got to help me a little bit. Give me a hint. [Laura cries] Just tell me the first word. [Laura continues to cry] The first letter. Honey, please! Laura Petrie: Alright I'll tell you. And I hope you're satisfied that you ruined everything! This money is for you! Rob Petrie: For me? Laura Petrie: Yes, Rob, for you. I wanted to buy you something for your birthday. Rob Petrie: But honey, you already got me a birthday present. Remember you gave me that shirt. Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob, not for now. For two or three or four years from now. Whenever I saved up enough to buy you that stupid sports car you've been drooling over. That stupid XKGJFK 400 Roadster. And now you've ruined it! [cries louder than ever and falls onto bed] |
| Unknown Episode: Laura Petrie: You wanna end up another Dwight Heatherton, go ahead! Rob Petrie: Who's that? Laura Petrie: Dwight Heatheron happens to be an excellent writer who is unknown because he gets no publicity. Rob Petrie: Then how do you know him? Laura Petrie: Oh Rob, he's *famous*. |
| Unknown Episode: Rob Petrie: Well did you know it was a secret? Laura Petrie: Yes. Rob Petrie: Oh sure, what's the fun of telling something if it's not a secret? |
| Unknown Episode: Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob! |
| Unknown Episode: Rob Petrie: [tag scene from The Last Chapter] Are you ready for a little bit of good news? Laura Petrie: Yeah, I think so. Rob Petrie: I heard from the publisher today. Laura Petrie: Yeah? Rob Petrie: He hates it, boy! [laughter] He said it reminded him of about fifty other books. Laura Petrie: He's kidding! Sally Rogers: No, no, that's what they said. Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: That's right. One editor said it stunk! Laura Petrie: Well, why is everyone so happy? Rob Petrie: Because Alan read it and he loved it. Alan Brady: What do I know from style? Rob Petrie: Honey, Alan wants to produce it as a television series. Laura Petrie: [in amazement] Your book's going to be a television series? Alan Brady: It's true, of course I won't do it until after my series is defunct, which may never be. Rob Petrie: Alan is going to play me. Sally Rogers: And the three of us are going to write it and Leonard Bershad is going to produce it. [loud commotion] Rob Petrie: Wait, ho-hold it a second. Honey, what do you think? Laura Petrie: Oh gosh, I don't know what to say - Alan is really going to play you? Alan Brady: And Rob won't have to shave his head - I'll wear a toupee. |
| Unknown Episode: Laura Petrie: Rob, if I thought that you sent this boat here to trap me... Rob Petrie: No, honey, I ordered this long before we did the sketch. This is what gave me the idea. Honest. Laura Petrie: Rob, I tried not to open it, I really did, but I - I guess I'm just a pathological snoopy-nose! Rob Petrie: Oh, honey, everybody's a snoopy-nose. We all like to know what's inside things. Laura Petrie: I guess so. Rob Petrie: Why, I know so. You know something? I'm very, very curious about something right now. Laura Petrie: What? Rob Petrie: Well, I'm wondering how long we're going to keep on with this polite talking before we get down to serious kissing! Laura Petrie: [smiles] About three seconds. Rob Petrie: Three? [looks at his watch] One, two... Laura Petrie: I forgive you! [they kiss deeply] |
| Unknown Episode: Laura Petrie: Let me put it this way: I have a happy, semiwell-adjusted husband who comes home and greets me with a smile and a kiss - and I'd rather have that than all the money in the world. Rob Petrie: Yeah? Laura Petrie: Yeah. So how about a smile? [Rob flashes a toothy smile] Laura Petrie: And a kiss? [they kiss] Laura Petrie: That's what I want. Rob Petrie: Hey - I didn't realize I was such a great smiler and kisser! [sits down on the bar stool by the kitchen counter] Laura Petrie: [leans her head on her elbows, looks at Rob at eye level and purrs like a cat] R-r-r-rr-rrr - rrrrr-rr-r [smiles] |
| Unknown Episode: Rob Petrie: Laura, there is no reason for your behavior! Laura Petrie: There is every reason for my behavior - I'm angry! Rob Petrie: Angry, yes, because I wouldn't behave like a puppet! Because I felt a responsibility to my employer! Laura Petrie: For heaven's sake, Rob, that's not why I'm angry. I realize you have to do what you think is right. I wouldn't respect you if you let yourself get pushed around by anyone, including me. Rob Petrie: Well, what are you angry with me for? Laura Petrie: I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with me for being angry with you. Rob Petrie: Well, is there anything I can do to patch up this little quarrel you're having among yourself so I can get out of the doghouse? Laura Petrie: Did you ever think of trying a kiss? [Rob leans over to kiss her on the neck] Not on the neck. [Rob kisses her lightly on the cheek] That's better. [Rob kisses her lightly on the lips] Almost. [smiles] [they embrace and kiss deeply] Oh, yes. [they resume their kiss] |
| Unknown Episode: Rob Petrie: Morning, honey. [puckers his lips expecting a kiss, but instead gets an earful] Laura Petrie: [in rapid-fire fashion] What do you mean by that? It may be a good morning for you, but it wasn't for me! You didn't have to clean up the mess that this one made when he decided to finger paint all over the bathroom mirror with the toothpaste. And you don't have to be concerned at all about the fact that the cleaning woman isn't coming today and you have five people coming over for lunch. Sure, go ahead, good morning! Why not? Rob Petrie: [recoiling] Honey, give me another chance. I'll go out and come in again. [starts for the door to the living room] I won't say good morning - I'll just wave as I go by. |
| Unknown Episode: Laura Petrie: Well, do you remember that it was you who was responsible for Ritchie's ending up with a middle name, Rosebud? Rob Petrie: No, all I can remember is that our parents were pretty unreasonable. Laura Petrie: They certainly were. But you still didn't have to do what you did. Rob Petrie: Honey, you forget something - your parents threatened to boycott the baby! I did the only thing I could possibly do to make them all happy. Laura Petrie: Well, let's see if you can make Ritchie happy with Rosebud for a middle name. Rob Petrie: Don't worry, I will. Laura Petrie: Well, if you do, I'll... Rob Petrie: You'll what? Laura Petrie: I'll kiss you so hard your teeth will rattle! Rob Petrie: Good enough! And listen, do a couple of things for me, will you? Laura Petrie: What's that? Rob Petrie: Well, when I get home tonight, put out Ritchie's blackboard right about over there. Laura Petrie: Mm-hmm. Rob Petrie: And, uh, you'd better get me a dental appointment because there's going to be a lot of loose teeth around here tonight. [smiles and kisses her] Bye. |
| Unknown Episode: Rob Petrie: How's your white satin evening gown? Laura Petrie: Fine. How's your red flannel bathrobe? |
| Unknown Episode: Rob Petrie: [referring to Ritchie] How'd he get so cute? Laura Petrie: Your mother says you were just like him when you were a little boy. Rob Petrie: Why, I'm surprised she said that. Laura Petrie: Why? Rob Petrie: I think I'm cuter. Gimme a kiss. Laura Petrie: Never kiss egomaniacs. Rob Petrie: How about hungry husbands? Laura Petrie: Them I feed. [puts a grape in his mouth] |
| Unknown Episode: Rob Petrie: [opens closet door] Ritchie, what are you doing in there? Richard Rosebud 'Ritchie: Eating chocolate pudding. Rob Petrie: [to Laura] Why would you let the boy eat chocolate pudding in the broom closet? Laura Petrie: Because you let a dog eat spaghetti in the garage! |
| Previous: Melvin 'Mel' Cooley | Next: Sally Rogers |
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