The Cosby Show Quotes

The Cosby Show

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The Cosby Show Quotes

	Season 8 / Episode 24: - And So We Commence (1) Kenny: [touches the door bell] Dang! Your father still working on the door bell, huh? Theo: Yes, I guess he is. Come in, Kenny. Kenny: [gives him a present] Happy graduation. Theo: What is it? Kenny: Open it. Theo: [sits down on the sofa and opens it] Kenny, these are tube socks. They come in six pairs. Kenny: Actually, five. Kenny: I'll go get some tape to fix that door bell. We don't want our guests getting possessed. Walks out the door and closes it behind him. Theo: Okay. Theo: Dad, you invited Kenny? I told you there are no more tickets. Cliff: Aw, come on, Theo. Kenny is like a mother or sister... he's like the brother you never had. Theo: There's too much people and there's not enough tickets. Cliff: If there's not enough, then uninvite him. Theo: But the boy gave me tube socks. Cliff: Well, then give him a ticket.
	Season 8 / Episode 20: - Clair's Reunion Clair Hanks Huxtable: [discussing a civil rights sit-in near Hillman campus] I went back to see Professor Capel after that class. I wanted to talk about that lunch counter. I wanted to know how is it that people could hate like that? And I figured, if anybody had the answer, certainly it would be a professor of philosophy. In all the time that I knew her, it was the only time she did not have an answer. But, she did say something to me that I have cherished to this day, which is why I volunteered to organize this dinner. Leah: What was that? Clair Hanks Huxtable: She told me I was her favorite student. Leah: That's lovely, Clair. [gestures to herself] Because, she told me I was her favorite student. Baathie Ndiaie: Same thing. Millicent: She told me I was her very favorite student, and she gave me a C. Maxine: I got you there; she gave me an S! And, she told me that I was her most favorite student!
	Season 8 / Episode 17: - The Getaway Winnie Tibideaux: Daddy is putting blue dots on all the big, heavy things we want to take with us.
	Season 8 / Episode 17: - The Getaway Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: Oh no, kids. You gotta stay here with grandpa and have a special memory day, okay? Winnie Tibideaux: But you said that if we stayed in this house any longer we'll go crazy.
	Season 8 / Episode 1: - With This Ring? Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: He may be filet mignon but you served him to us on a garbage can top.
	Season 7 / Episode 21: - Home Remedies Olivia Kendall: [Olivia is upset that she is sick and can't sing for Cliff's parents on their anniversary] I can't buy them anything. I'm broke. Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: What happened to all your money? Olivia Kendall: I don't know. I bought some bubble gum.
	Season 7 / Episode 21: - Home Remedies Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [on how everybody else has the perfect cure for Olivia's cold] This house is full of doctors.
	Season 7 / Episode 14: - Theo's Final Final Clair: You know that spot you found? Cliff: Yeah? Clair: Find that spot again. Cliff: I can find another one if we go upstairs. Clair: [laughs]
	Season 7 / Episode 12: - Clair's Liberation Clair: Cliff... there are three idiots in the kitchen. Cliff: You have to be a little more specific than that.
	Season 7 / Episode 9: - The Infantry Has Landed (And They've Fallen Off the Roof) Rudy: There the teacher was teaching about punctuation, and I have my period. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - It's All in the Game Denise: Olivia what are you doing? You know you're not supposed to touch any machines in this house. Now why did you put your crayons in the washer with Theo's pants? Olivia Kendall: Because the label on the crayon said "washable". Denise: Olivia sweetheart that means you can wash it off of the walls, your skin or your clothes. Olivia Kendall: I wish someone had told me that.
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - It's All in the Game Olivia Kendall: Are you still angry? Cliff: Yes! You know you're not supposed to touch any machines in this house. Olivia Kendall: I'm sorry. I'll never touch another machine in here. I'll pay for the repairs out my allowance. Cliff: Do you know just how much it's going to cost to fix the washing machine? A bazillion dollars. Olivia Kendall: I have a bazillion dollars in my bank account Cliff: No, you don't. Olivia Kendall: [Olivia gives Cliff a big raspberry on the side of his cheek]
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - It's All in the Game Cliff: You know what we're gonna do? When Rudy gets her driver's license, you and I are gonna go down to the salvage dump. We're gonna pick out the worst, bashed, smashed-looking thing that still runs and we're gonna let her drive it. That way if anybody hits her, it'll be an improvement. Theo: I know how you feel, Dad. Clair: No, you don't. Theo: Hey, I can appreciate the pressures both of you are under. And if you ask me, I think y'all doing a bang up job. Clair: Theo, shut up.
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - It's All in the Game Clair: [discussing the "joys" of being a parent] How about getting in the car to go to work and discovering that your daughter's understanding of the word "empty" means, "I'll just park the car over here and Mom will fill it up?" Cliff: How about leaving the car radio on, so that both of us have a heart attack last time? You left the thing up so loud, your mother's hair went straight up!
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - It's All in the Game Theo: Dad, all those stories we've come to find out are not true. Cliff: What? What? Who said? From who? Theo, Denise, Vanessa, Rudy: Grandpa! Cliff: You're going to believe a man that age?
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - It's All in the Game Theo: You guys act like you don't do some bad things to us, you know. Clair: I would like to know what we ever asked you to do except hang up your clothes before they take root. Cliff: We're not being paid to look after you all! And there's not a check big enough to take care of you!
	Season 7 / Episode 5: - It's All in the Game Denise: [talking about Theo's bad baseball experience] Okay, so it took a little time. What's the big deal? Cliff: Right! No big deal! Now there's the key. You guys always say things like "no big deal." Some of the greatest lies ever told by you kids - "No big deal." "I forgot." "I'll pay you back later." "It was like that when I found it. I swear, Mom, Dad...” Cliff, Clair: It was like that when I found it. Vanessa: [about the car she crashed] Mom, Dad, I just want to say that I'm really sorry. Clair: Please add that to the list. "I'm really sorry." Cliff: Yes, and the other one that's key - "What are you doing home so early?"
	Season 7 / Episode 4: - Period of Adjustment Olivia Kendall: I'll do my part. But I hope Pam doesn't boss me around too much. Denise Huxtable Kendall: Why would she do that? Olivia Kendall: Because that's what old people do. It's their job. Denise Huxtable Kendall: Olivia, Pam is only seventeen. Olivia Kendall: Wow! She's older than I thought!
	Season 7 / Episode 1: - Same Time Next Year Rudy: This is woman stuff. I really need to talk to Mom. Cliff: I'm a gynecologist, and you want to talk to a lawyer?
	Season 6 / Episode 26: - The Storyteller Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Once you sit down there will you be able to get back up? Aunt Gramtee: Let's find out. [sits on the couch and gets up] Now, will that close your mouth?
	Season 6 / Episode 26: - The Storyteller Olivia Kendall: But God made all the animals so I can see them at the zoo. Denise Huxtable Kendall: Well God also made me your stepmother and put me in charge and I say you're going to church.
	Season 6 / Episode 26: - The Storyteller Aunt Gramtee: Well this is a pleasant way to wake up... unless I'm looking at an angel in Heaven. Olivia Kendall: No, it's me, Olivia.
	Season 6 / Episode 26: - The Storyteller Aunt Gramtee: Rudy, I hear your performance at school is slipping. Now you straighten up and fly right. Rudy Huxtable: Yes ma'am. Aunt Gramtee: [Theo laughs] Theo... Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Gramtee! I'm doing my best. But I have a learning disability. Aunt Gramtee: Well you STILL have to work hard. Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Yes ma'am.
	Season 6 / Episode 26: - The Storyteller Aunt Gramtee: During slavery, did you know that it was illegal to teach slaves how to read? Rudy Huxtable: It was illegal to learn to read? Aunt Gramtee: Oh yes.
	Season 6 / Episode 25: - Live and Learn Denise: If you have 60% of a pie, that's still a lot of pie!
	Season 6 / Episode 25: - Live and Learn Denise: I wrote one for history, check it out, [drumming on the table and rapping] Columbus sailed the ocean blue in fourteen hundred and ninety-two. When he got to the shore he said 'let's talk' on the place he called Plymouth Rock. Rebecca Shorter: Denise, Columbus sailed to the Carribean in 1492, the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock in 1620. Denise: Oh.
	Season 6 / Episode 25: - Live and Learn Rebecca Shorter: I'll check it out, and maybe you can even perform an assembly. Denise: Yeah? Rebecca Shorter: Yeah, but not on Christopher Columbus.
	Season 6 / Episode 23: - Off to See the Wretched Clair: You bring yourself into this house right now! And, if you think that 30-minute ride home was something, believe me, honey, we've only just begun! Here we think you're lying in the floor of some burning building dying of asphyxia and you're down in Baltimore, having BIG FUN! Weren't you, Vanessa? Isn't that where you were? Didn't you go down there to Baltimore to have big fun, Vanessa? Tell me, didn't you go for big fun? Vanessa: Mom... Clair: SHUT UP! Don't you DARE open your mouth when I'm asking you a question! RUDY, GO TO BED!
	Season 6 / Episode 21: - Theo's Dirty Laundry Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: Now, when I left here yesterday, it was under some strain, and we all said some things we didn't mean. Clair Hanks Huxtable: Not me. Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: But, it's all over now, and I'm sure we're all big enough to apologize! Clair Hanks Huxtable: NOT ME!
	Season 6 / Episode 21: - Theo's Dirty Laundry Clair Hanks Huxtable: When are you gonna get it, Theo? This is not about living with Justine. This is about doing something behind our backs and then lying to us about what it is you're doing! Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: I'm sorry. Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Yesterday, you said your mother and I were controlling you with our money and that you and Justine were gonna go on and live your own lives. Now, did you ever stop to think what would happen if we said you couldn't come back here? Theodore 'Theo' Huxtable: No. Clair Hanks Huxtable: Of course, you didn't! Because we're your 'safety net'! You go out, you mess up, you listen to our lecture, and then you go out and you mess up again! Well, Theo, I have had enough. I do not have the strength to keep letting you come back into this house.

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