The Closer Quotes

The Closer

- Episode Quotes

Fun Facts:

	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Time Bomb Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: [as she's carried down the stairs over the shoulder of a bomb squad member] I could walk this, you know.
	Season 4 / Episode 10: - Time Bomb Brenda Leigh Johnson: The school's not the target. We are the target.
	Season 4 / Episode 8: - Split Ends Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: And now to finish up here, on behalf of the entire LAPD, allow me to say how sorry I am that you lied to us so much, and that you knocked your wife around to such an extent, that we considered you a suspect in her murder. Todd Cahoon as Hairdresser's Ex, Ryan: That's your apology? Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: [nods affirmatively] Mm-hmm.
	Season 4 / Episode 6: - Problem Child Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: What makes a child go bad? Nature or nurture? Lieutenant Mike Tao: Unfortunately Chief, by the time we get involved, it really doesn't matter.
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Dial M For Provenza Lieutenant Provenza: [why Provenza refuses to retire] When my first wife and I divorced, I agreed to split my pension with her on the day I retire... I'll be damned if she gets a nickel!
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Dial M For Provenza Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: [to Provenza] As much as I would like to see you break your own record for procedural violations in a single shift, I'd prefer it if you and Lieutenant Flynn found Mr. Serabian, and kept him under surveillance. Do I need to explain how that's done?
	Season 4 / Episode 5: - Dial M For Provenza Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: What I wouldn't give to see the egg she hatched from.
	Season 4 / Episode 4: - Live Wire Det. Julio Sanchez: You have the right to shut up. Anything stupid thing you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If your broke-ass can't afford an attorney one will be appointed to your stupid ass at no cost...
	Season 4 / Episode 1: - Controlled Burn Bill Croelick: It's crazy, you know, having a wildlife park in the center of a city. I look around at your little nature preserve and you know what I see? It's all fuel. And you, and you, and you: rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief, black man, white man, Deputy Chief. Fire doesn't care about your name, or rank, or badge number; you're all just bite-sized lumps of flesh and bone in the flaming food chain... God I'm hungry!
	Season 3 / Episode 11: - Lover's Leap Dep. Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson: How am I gonna tell that man his wife was eaten by coyotes?
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - The Round File Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson: [Sgt. Gabriel's suspension after having beaten a suspect has ended two days earlier. Lt. Provenza is about to take Chief Johnson to the nursing home around which the investigation centers] Oh, sergeant Gabriel... If you could, please, babysit the suspect while I'm gone? [Gabriel silently accepts] Thank you. [Johnson leaves] Detective Lt. Provenza: [while passing sgt. Gabriel] There's no need to beat information out of this old man. He's been confessing all morning. [Gabriel silently goes on about his duty]
	Season 3 / Episode 5: - The Round File Judd Whaley: [Sgt. Gabriel is putting the cuffs on Mr. Whaley, who has just confessed seven mercy killings and now protests] No, no, hold on, one moment! I thought you said mercy killing and first degree murder were very different crimes! Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson: [Matter-of-factly] They are, but the punishment for both is exactly the same. Judd Whaley: [Still sincerely not seeming to understand the difference between right and wrong] Are you actually talking about putting me into prison? Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson: [softly] Don't worry. [in normal voice] It's not that different from some of you really. You have to sign visit people. Friends and relatives tend to forget you exist. And at some point, the state of California might just put you out of your misery. Judd Whaley: Well I certainly don't deserve this. Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson: You're right, Mr. Whaley. [looks down] Unfortunately... [looks Mr. Whaley straight in the eyes with utter disgust] it's the worst I can do to you.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: [about video of Brenda online] Oh, and congratulations, Chief Johnson! You've just become the most downloaded, fully-clothed woman on the Internet!
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Det. Lt. Provenza: [looking at the blonde who has just rolled out of Ray Hodge's dropped casket] Wow. Looks like you can take it with you.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Det. Lt. Provenza: [with a mouth full] Nothing tastes better than somebody else's wedding cake. Mine tasted like prison food.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Brenda Leigh Johnson: [handing the bride her cake topper] Oh! Oh! I'm sorry. I almost forgot. You know, giving this back to you, is almost as sweet as... the icing on your cake.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Det. Lt. Provenza: [pall-bearers are having trouble carrying the casket] God, Hodge! How much weight did you put on?
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Michelle Morgan: [a body is blocking the stairs leading to the church where she is about to be married] Excuse me! I don't know what is going on here, but I want that body moved this instant!
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Brenda Leigh Johnson: Detective Sanchez! Stop that bride!
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Brenda Leigh Johnson: Do you think he... might have been involved with her? Maggie Hodge: With Ray's heart, he couldn't raise a flag... and viagra would have been suicide.
	Season 3 / Episode 3: - Saving Face Brenda Leigh Johnson: Detective, what do you think of my lipstick? Det. Irene Daniels: Uh... you asking me as a friend, or the Chief?
	Season 2 / Episode 15: - Serving The King (2) Det. Andy Flynn: Tarpits in the middle of the city; they say LA has no center.
	Season 2 / Episode 14: - Serving The King (1) Commissioner Andrew Schmidt: Odd, isn't it, how our enemies never change. During World War II, they recited "Mein Kampf" while shoving people into gas chambers. And during most of my professional life, they quoted Marx and Engels while they shot you in the back of the head. And now, they misuse the Qur'an. Same people. Different books.
	Season 2 / Episode 13: - Overkill Agent Fritz Howard: There is no joint investigation. I'm afraid you'll have to return Deluca to Agent Hecht. Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: I'm sorry. Deluca stays here. Agent Tim Hecht: What? Where do you get the authority to hold him? Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: He's in my building surrounded by hundreds of police officers. I think that's all the authority I need. Agent Tim Hecht: That's extortion. Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: Yeah. Take a minute and get over it.
	Season 2 / Episode 6: - Out of Focus Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: Our dead... paparazzo may have taken some compromising photos. Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: Why do we think this? Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: Because there was no camera. Captain Taylor: Who's your witness? Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: Elvis Presley. He's also a suspect. Captain Taylor: Let's just tell the press, "No Comment".
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - To Protect and To Serve Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: Just... go home. Det. Lt. Provenza: Is that how they say "You're fired" in the South?"
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - To Protect and To Serve Det. Andy Flynn: Hey, relax! How about we pretend like we're police officers?
	Season 2 / Episode 5: - To Protect and To Serve Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson: Did I ever once imply that I would allow y'all to make up the rules as you went along?
	Season 2 / Episode 2: - Mom Duty Brenda Leigh Johnson: There is no substitute for sugar.
	Season 1 / Episode 13: - Standards and Practices Brenda Leigh Johnson: I have a waffle iron?

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