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 | Season 5 / Episode 24: - You're Having My Hartley Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Where does the time go? Cliff Murdock: Cleveland. |
| Season 5 / Episode 7: - Send This Boy to Camp Howard Borden: I'm all thumbs when it comes to hitchhiking. |
| Season 4 / Episode 11: - Over the River and Through the Woods Dr. Robert Hartley: I love coffee. Dr. Jerry Robinson: I love tea. Elliot Carlin: I love the Java Jive and it loves me. |
| Season 4 / Episode 11: - Over the River and Through the Woods Dr. Robert Hartley: [on telephone, ordering Chinese food while drunk; repeated line] Moo goo goo goo! |
| Season 4 / Episode 11: - Over the River and Through the Woods Dr. Robert Hartley: [on telephone, ordering Chinese food while drunk;] More goo to go! |
| Season 4 / Episode 7: - Shrinks Across the Sea Emily Hartley: We're certainly looking forward to meeting your wife! Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: ...and her lover. Alan Durocher: That may be difficult... they are usually on the Riviera this time of year. |
| Season 3 / Episode 13: - Jerry Robinson Crusoe Elliot Carlin: Yesterday morning... I was possessed by the devil. |
| Season 3 / Episode 13: - Jerry Robinson Crusoe Howard Borden: Then I'll just say... Checkers! Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Checkmate. Howard Borden: Whatever. |
| Season 3 / Episode 12: - We Love You... Good-Bye Joan Rossi: Typical, that's typical. |
| Season 2 / Episode 17: - The Modernization of Emily Emily Hartley: Bob, that boy just winked at me. Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: You want me to beat him up? |
| Season 2 / Episode 11: - Fit, Fat, and Forty-One Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [addressing his doctor following his physical] Are you saying I'm fat? Dr. Klein: Fat? No. Let's just say you're a little short for your weight. |
| Season 2 / Episode 10: - I'm Okay, You're Okay, So What's Wrong? Emily Hartley: [Addressing Bob, who came home to find all the furniture rearranged] You hate it, right? Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: I won't say I hate it; it's just alien to anything I've ever liked before. |
| Season 2 / Episode 10: - I'm Okay, You're Okay, So What's Wrong? Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [Unhappy with Emily's choice of marriage counselor] Emily, I thought you were supposed to find someone neutral. Emily Hartley: I did. Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: She's a woman! Emily Hartley: That's right, Bob. I said neutral, not neuter. |
| Season 2 / Episode 1: - Last TV Show Mr. Emil Peterson: I'm a trained killer! Mrs. Lillian Bakerman: [after a pause] Isn't that nice? |
| Season 2 / Episode 1: - Last TV Show Michelle Nardo: My father said I looked as big as a horse! Mrs. Lillian Bakerman: [after a pause] Maybe he was watching Gunsmoke. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 10: - Anything Happen While I Was Gone? Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [referring to Jerry's new girlfriend] She's a back-buster. |
 | Season 1 / Episode 1: - Fly the Unfriendly Skies Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Emily, what happened to all of the bourbon? Emily Hartley: Oh, I put it in the chicken. Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: [to his friend] Would you like a glass of chicken, Howard? |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Fly the Unfriendly Skies Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Remember when I asked you where you wanted to go on our honeymoon? Hawaii, Acapulco? Did flying have anything to do with the fact you chose Gary, Indiana? |
| Season 1 / Episode 1: - Fly the Unfriendly Skies Howard Borden: Oh, please. Let's not talk about flying. I just got back from Los Angeles. It was the hairiest flight I ever had. First time the *pilot* ever got sick. |
| Unknown Episode: Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce? |
| Unknown Episode: Emily Hartley: Hi Bob. |
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